|
Humor
Oct 31, 2014 19:23:38 GMT -5
faune likes this
Post by xna on Oct 31, 2014 19:23:38 GMT -5
Religion & Hair Attachments:
|
|
|
Humor
Nov 1, 2014 17:13:53 GMT -5
Post by BobWilliston on Nov 1, 2014 17:13:53 GMT -5
|
|
|
Humor
Nov 3, 2014 21:38:24 GMT -5
Post by déjà vu on Nov 3, 2014 21:38:24 GMT -5
Jewish Pilot / Chinese Co-Pilot
A Southwest flight departs from San Antonio for Los Angles with a
Jewish pilot and a Chinese co-pilot. It's the first time they've flown together and an awkward silence
between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike. Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the
auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters, 'I don't like Chinese..' 'No rike Chinese?' asks the co-pilot, 'why not?' 'You people bombed Pearl Harbor, that's why!' 'No, no', the co-pilot protests, 'Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah!
That’s Japanese, not Chinese.' 'Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese.....doesn't matter, you're all alike!' There's a few minutes of silence. 'I no rike Jews!' the co-pilot
suddenly announces. 'Oh yeah, why not?' asks the captain. 'Jews sink Titanic!' says the co-pilot. 'What? You're insane! Jews didn't sink the Titanic!' exclaims the captain,
'It was an iceberg!' ‘Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg , ........all the #*@%&*?!!same’.
|
|
|
Humor
Nov 5, 2014 0:10:02 GMT -5
Post by déjà vu on Nov 5, 2014 0:10:02 GMT -5
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 AM by a loud
pounding on the door.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a
drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking
for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 AM in
the morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it's 3 AM in the morning and
it's pouring rain out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife.
"Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke
down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help
him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk
people too you know."
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes
out into the pouring rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still
there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the
husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk.
|
|
|
Humor
Nov 9, 2014 22:19:33 GMT -5
xna likes this
Post by déjà vu on Nov 9, 2014 22:19:33 GMT -5
The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished
giving a speech and walked out into the lobby of the
convention centre where he was introduced to a
United States Marine Corps General.
As they talked, the Iranian said, "I have just one
question about what I have seen in America ."
The General said,
"Well, is there anything I can do to help?"
The Iranian whispered, "My son watches this show called
'Star Trek' and in it there is... Kirk who is Canadian,
Chekhov who is Russian, Scotty who is Scottish, Uhura
who is black, and Sulu who is Japanese, but there are NO
Muslims.
My son is very upset and doesn't understand why
there aren't any Iranians, Iraqis, Afghans, Egyptians,
Palestinians, Saudis, Syrians, or Pakistanis on 'Star Trek'.
"The General leaned toward the Iranian Ambassador,
and whispered in his ear,
"That's because it takes place in the future..."
|
|
|
Post by déjà vu on Nov 13, 2014 0:16:40 GMT -5
I have entered a short story competition You had to write a story containing; religion,royalty,sex and mystery.
My Story: " My God," said the queen," I am pregnant! I wonder who did it?"
|
|
|
Humor
Nov 13, 2014 11:17:04 GMT -5
Post by faune on Nov 13, 2014 11:17:04 GMT -5
I just love this one!
|
|
|
Humor
Nov 13, 2014 11:18:56 GMT -5
Post by faune on Nov 13, 2014 11:18:56 GMT -5
After being tossed out of the Garden of Eden, discovery begins...
|
|
|
Humor
Nov 13, 2014 11:28:49 GMT -5
xna likes this
Post by faune on Nov 13, 2014 11:28:49 GMT -5
This cartoon is truly precious dealing with after the Fall of mankind and a common complaint among married couples even today. Also, here's an interesting correlation linked to Jonah and the whale that I never thought of before.
|
|
|
Humor
Nov 13, 2014 11:31:48 GMT -5
Post by faune on Nov 13, 2014 11:31:48 GMT -5
Regarding Noah and the Ark...a question to ponder?
|
|
|
Humor
Nov 13, 2014 11:38:34 GMT -5
Post by faune on Nov 13, 2014 11:38:34 GMT -5
In the beginning, God created man and woman...and later on the creation process is confirmed to take place as recorded in Genesis...
|
|
|
Post by xna on Nov 13, 2014 11:49:49 GMT -5
This cartoon is truly precious dealing with after the Fall of mankind...may our original ancestors RIP.
Adam and Eve were the first ones not to read apples Terms and Agreements.
|
|
|
Post by faune on Nov 13, 2014 11:58:08 GMT -5
I'm sure some atheists on this board will appreciate this joke and probably share the same POV?
|
|
|
Humor
Nov 13, 2014 12:06:06 GMT -5
Post by faune on Nov 13, 2014 12:06:06 GMT -5
|
|
|
Post by faune on Nov 13, 2014 15:03:26 GMT -5
With Xmas coming up, I felt this would give you something to ponder?
|
|
|
Humor
Nov 13, 2014 15:17:13 GMT -5
Post by faune on Nov 13, 2014 15:17:13 GMT -5
What kids are learning in school about human origins...
|
|
|
Humor
Nov 14, 2014 1:14:44 GMT -5
Post by faune on Nov 14, 2014 1:14:44 GMT -5
Real life in a fallen world... Guess what inspired this familiar saying?
|
|
|
Humor
Nov 14, 2014 1:22:34 GMT -5
Post by faune on Nov 14, 2014 1:22:34 GMT -5
Republican poster perhaps?
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Humor
Nov 14, 2014 11:44:03 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Nov 14, 2014 11:44:03 GMT -5
too funny..i wonder what they have for a republican brain?
|
|
|
Post by emy on Nov 14, 2014 17:08:22 GMT -5
too funny..i wonder what they have for a republican brain? Dunno.. except half of it is tied behind one's back!!!
|
|
|
Post by Gene on Nov 14, 2014 17:56:36 GMT -5
too funny..i wonder what they have for a republican brain?
|
|
|
Humor
Nov 14, 2014 18:37:01 GMT -5
Post by BobWilliston on Nov 14, 2014 18:37:01 GMT -5
too funny..i wonder what they have for a republican brain? Someone gave you the perfect opportunity to post that one, didn't they?
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Humor
Nov 14, 2014 18:38:19 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Nov 14, 2014 18:38:19 GMT -5
Michael the archangel was assigned duties outside the gate of heaven, and Saint Peter was assigned duties inside the gate of heaven checking off names in the lambs book of life.. God had given them instructions that only those whose names were written it the book should be let into heaven
A man turns up at the gate asking to be let into heaven The dialogue:- Man to Michael: I want to get into heaven Michael to the man: what good have you done on earth? Man to Michael: I once gave a quart to a homeless hungry man to buy himself something to eat. Michael shouts to Peter: Peter, there is a man out here who wants to be let into heaven. Peter to Michael: Ask him what good he has ever done on earth. Michael: He said that he once gave a homeless man a quart to buy something to eat. Peter to Michael: is that all? Well give him his quart back, and to hell with him.
|
|
|
Post by Gene on Nov 14, 2014 18:39:11 GMT -5
Someone gave you the perfect opportunity to post that one, didn't they? Yes -- it's like having a sidekick on a late-night comedy show -- the set-up was perfect!
|
|
|
Humor
Nov 14, 2014 18:43:42 GMT -5
Post by Gene on Nov 14, 2014 18:43:42 GMT -5
Michael the archangel was assigned duties outside the gate of heaven, and Saint Peter was assigned duties inside the gate of heaven checking off names in the lambs book of life.. God had given them instructions that only those whose names were written it the book should be let into heaven A man turns up at the gate asking to be let into heaven The dialogue:- Man to Michael: I want to get into heaven Michael to the man: what good have you done on earth? Man to Michael: I once gave a quart to a homeless hungry man to buy himself something to eat. Michael shouts to Peter: Peter, there is a man out here who wants to be let into heaven. Peter to Michael: Ask him what good he has ever done on earth. Michael: He said that he once gave a homeless man a quart to buy something to eat. Peter to Michael: is that all? Well give him his quart back, and to hell with him. I would never give a homeless person a quart. A pint, maybe. But seriously, like for the guy I stepped over this week who had tossed an empty pint bottle out on the sidewalk in front of him. If I had had a pint handy, I'd have given it to him. At that stage, it's not about reformation--it's about providing immediate relief. I guess I could have given him $10 to buy his own. Maybe next time.
|
|
|
Humor
Nov 14, 2014 19:15:34 GMT -5
Post by BobWilliston on Nov 14, 2014 19:15:34 GMT -5
Michael the archangel was assigned duties outside the gate of heaven, and Saint Peter was assigned duties inside the gate of heaven checking off names in the lambs book of life.. God had given them instructions that only those whose names were written it the book should be let into heaven A man turns up at the gate asking to be let into heaven The dialogue:- Man to Michael: I want to get into heaven Michael to the man: what good have you done on earth? Man to Michael: I once gave a quart to a homeless hungry man to buy himself something to eat. Michael shouts to Peter: Peter, there is a man out here who wants to be let into heaven. Peter to Michael: Ask him what good he has ever done on earth. Michael: He said that he once gave a homeless man a quart to buy something to eat. Peter to Michael: is that all? Well give him his quart back, and to hell with him. I would never give a homeless person a quart. A pint, maybe. But seriously, like for the guy I stepped over this week who had tossed an empty pint bottle out on the sidewalk in front of him. If I had had a pint handy, I'd have given it to him. At that stage, it's not about reformation--it's about providing immediate relief. I guess I could have given him $10 to buy his own. Maybe next time. Kind of off the humor track, but I recently went over to a man standing on the sidewalk after I had parked in a McDonald's lot for breakfast. I gave him $2, and went into the restaurant. He followed me in, so I told him to come to the counter and order whatever he wanted. We then ate breakfast together, and he assured me that he was not going to be homeless after the end of the month (72-hours later), but he had kidney failure and couldn't work and no place could take him in until the next month (now only 72-hours away). Hopefully a good breakfast did more for him than the cup of coffee would have been.
|
|
|
Humor
Nov 14, 2014 19:30:32 GMT -5
Post by BobWilliston on Nov 14, 2014 19:30:32 GMT -5
|
|
|
Humor
Nov 14, 2014 20:49:22 GMT -5
snow likes this
Post by Gene on Nov 14, 2014 20:49:22 GMT -5
Well, there you go. I expect Bert will come along shortly and tell us this is sure evidence that the end of the world is coming in approximately 92 seconds.
|
|