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Humor
Oct 23, 2014 18:07:02 GMT -5
faune likes this
Post by déjà vu on Oct 23, 2014 18:07:02 GMT -5
BAGPIPES IN NOVA SCOTIA Be sure to read this to the end. Time is like a river. You cannot touch the water twice, because the flow that has passed will never pass again. Enjoy every moment of life. As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Nova Scotia back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play. The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man. And as I played "Amazing Grace", the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished, I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head was hung low, my heart was full. As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen anything like that before, and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years." Apparently, I'm still lost....it's a man thing. When you have stopped laughing be sure to forward this on to others who would enjoy a good story.
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Deleted
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Oct 23, 2014 20:50:21 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Oct 23, 2014 20:50:21 GMT -5
buwahhahahahaha
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Oct 23, 2014 23:26:39 GMT -5
Post by BobWilliston on Oct 23, 2014 23:26:39 GMT -5
If you don't know GOD, don't make stupid remarks!!!!!! A young Canadian paratrooper was taking some college courses between assignments. He had completed 3 tours of duty in Afghanistan . One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist and a member of the Canadian Civil Liberties Association (CCLA). One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, "GOD, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform... I'll give you exactly 15 min." The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, "Here I am GOD, I'm still waiting." It got down to the last couple of minutes when the soldier got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him; knocking him clean off the platform. The professor was out cold. The young soldier went back to his seat and sat there, silently. The other students were shocked and stunned, and sat there looking on in silence. The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the soldier and asked, "What in the world is the matter with you? Why did you do that?" The young soldier stood up and calmly replied, "GOD was too busy today protecting soldiers, who are protecting your right to speak such stupidity and act like an idiot. So He sent me." The classroom erupted in cheers! THIS IS GOOD, KEEP IT GOING! Maybe GOD will be allowed back into classrooms again!!!!!!!!!. Good mission sermon.
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Deleted
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Oct 25, 2014 14:34:40 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Oct 25, 2014 14:34:40 GMT -5
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Oct 25, 2014 14:50:03 GMT -5
Post by dmmichgood on Oct 25, 2014 14:50:03 GMT -5
If you don't know GOD, don't make stupid remarks!!!!!! A young Canadian paratrooper was taking some college courses between assignments. He had completed 3 tours of duty in Afghanistan . One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist and a member of the Canadian Civil Liberties Association (CCLA). One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, "GOD, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform... I'll give you exactly 15 min." The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, "Here I am GOD, I'm still waiting." It got down to the last couple of minutes when the soldier got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him; knocking him clean off the platform. The professor was out cold. The young soldier went back to his seat and sat there, silently. The other students were shocked and stunned, and sat there looking on in silence. The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the soldier and asked, "What in the world is the matter with you? Why did you do that?" The young soldier stood up and calmly replied, "GOD was too busy today protecting soldiers, who are protecting your right to speak such stupidity and act like an idiot. So He sent me." The classroom erupted in cheers! THIS IS GOOD, KEEP IT GOING! Maybe GOD will be allowed back into classrooms again!!!!!!!!!. Another urban myth that, of course never happened.
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Oct 25, 2014 17:54:15 GMT -5
Post by xna on Oct 25, 2014 17:54:15 GMT -5
BAGPIPES IN NOVA SCOTIA Be sure to read this to the end. Time is like a river. You cannot touch the water twice, because the flow that has passed will never pass again. Enjoy every moment of life. As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Nova Scotia back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play. The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man. And as I played "Amazing Grace", the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished, I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head was hung low, my heart was full. As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen anything like that before, and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years." Apparently, I'm still lost....it's a man thing. When you have stopped laughing be sure to forward this on to others who would enjoy a good story. www.truthorfiction.com/rumors/g/gods-helper.htm#.VEwp35PF968 The Truth: There is no evidence this ever took place.
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Oct 26, 2014 14:31:19 GMT -5
Post by xna on Oct 26, 2014 14:31:19 GMT -5
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Oct 26, 2014 14:35:05 GMT -5
Post by xna on Oct 26, 2014 14:35:05 GMT -5
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Post by xna on Oct 26, 2014 14:37:35 GMT -5
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Post by xna on Oct 26, 2014 14:39:03 GMT -5
This works on many posts
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Post by BobWilliston on Oct 26, 2014 22:46:55 GMT -5
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Post by BobWilliston on Oct 26, 2014 22:53:04 GMT -5
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Oct 26, 2014 23:52:50 GMT -5
Post by dmmichgood on Oct 26, 2014 23:52:50 GMT -5
The Truth: There is no evidence this ever took place. Thanks Ina. I figured something like that! Navy Seal Who Flattened a Professor Who Challenged The Existence of God-Unproven! Summary of the eRumor: "An atheist professor told his class that he was going to prove there was no God. He then challenged God, if he was real, to knock him off the platform on which he was standing. He gave God 15 minutes to do it. Toward the end of the time limit, according to the story, a Navy SEAL who was a veteran of Afghanistan and Iraq walked up to the professor and hit him in the face, knocking him from the platform and said "God was really busy, protecting America's soldiers, who are protecting your right to say whatever stupid thing comes to your mind!!! So he sent me!!"The Truth: There is no evidence this ever took place. The eRumor is written in a fashion that is common to fictional stories that are designed to convey a point in a sensational way.
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Oct 27, 2014 0:08:46 GMT -5
Post by fred on Oct 27, 2014 0:08:46 GMT -5
BAGPIPES IN NOVA SCOTIA Be sure to read this to the end. Time is like a river. You cannot touch the water twice, because the flow that has passed will never pass again. Enjoy every moment of life. As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Nova Scotia back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play. The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man. And as I played "Amazing Grace", the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished, I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head was hung low, my heart was full. As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen anything like that before, and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years." Apparently, I'm still lost....it's a man thing. When you have stopped laughing be sure to forward this on to others who would enjoy a good story. www.truthorfiction.com/rumors/g/gods-helper.htm#.VEwp35PF968 The Truth: There is no evidence this ever took place. Really, are you sure? But then my wife tells me I have a warped sense of humour - well at least I know a joke when I see one.
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Oct 27, 2014 3:17:46 GMT -5
Post by BobWilliston on Oct 27, 2014 3:17:46 GMT -5
Really, are you sure? But then my wife tells me I have a warped sense of humour - well at least I know a joke when I see one. It was a joke. Where in heck is Nova Scotia's back country, anyway? It's only connection to any other land is about a 10 mile isthmus, and none of it is more than 50 miles from the ocean. Famous for bagpipes, though.
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Oct 27, 2014 3:54:32 GMT -5
Post by fred on Oct 27, 2014 3:54:32 GMT -5
Really, are you sure? But then my wife tells me I have a warped sense of humour - well at least I know a joke when I see one. It was a joke. Where in heck is Nova Scotia's back country, anyway? It's only connection to any other land is about a 10 mile isthmus, and none of it is more than 50 miles from the ocean. Famous for bagpipes, though. Precisely, that was my point. What I was hinting at was why the heck would someone bother running it through an 'is it true' website?
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Oct 27, 2014 15:12:27 GMT -5
snow likes this
Post by BobWilliston on Oct 27, 2014 15:12:27 GMT -5
It was a joke. Where in heck is Nova Scotia's back country, anyway? It's only connection to any other land is about a 10 mile isthmus, and none of it is more than 50 miles from the ocean. Famous for bagpipes, though. Precisely, that was my point. What I was hinting at was why the heck would someone bother running it through an 'is it true' website? I think it says something about ..... why spoil a good gospel meeting!!!
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Oct 27, 2014 20:42:13 GMT -5
Annan likes this
Post by déjà vu on Oct 27, 2014 20:42:13 GMT -5
MY MAGIC GREEN HAT Earlier this year while on vacation to escape the snow and cold, I passed through Florida on my way to the Caribbean cruise. The day after returning from my cruise, I wasn't feeling very well and decided that I really needed some medical assistance . . . and decided to visit the emergency room at the closest medical facility. Realizing that it would likely be very crowded and not wanting to sit there waiting for 4-5 hours to be seen, I put on my MAGIC GREEN HAT. As soon as I entered the E.R., I noticed that over 3/4 of the people got up and left. I guess they decided that they weren't really that sick after all. I'm believing that MAGIC GREEN HAT cut at least 3 hours off my waiting time. Here's a picture of my hat: It also works at the Dept. of Motor Vehicles. It saved me 5 hours. At the Laundromat, three minutes after entering, I had my choice of any machine, many of which were still running. If you live in Texas, it might cut your wait time at the grocery store as well. But . . . don't try it at McDonald's. The whole crew ran out the back door and I never got my order!
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Post by dmmichgood on Oct 28, 2014 1:43:52 GMT -5
St. Peter is up in heaven and he passes by God's office.
God is sitting in a corner weeping his heart out, and St. Peter says, "Lord, what's wrong?"
God says, "I'm in love with an atheist but she doesn't know I exist."
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Oct 29, 2014 20:13:45 GMT -5
Post by xna on Oct 29, 2014 20:13:45 GMT -5
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Post by xna on Oct 29, 2014 20:15:30 GMT -5
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Oct 29, 2014 20:27:40 GMT -5
xna likes this
Post by dmmichgood on Oct 29, 2014 20:27:40 GMT -5
No, not a 2x2, she was an ex-2x2.
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Post by déjà vu on Oct 29, 2014 23:24:29 GMT -5
feeling it was time for a shakeup, a company hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. He asked the guy, "How much money do you make a week?"
A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make $400 a week. Why?"
The CEO said, "Wait right here." He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, "Here's four weeks' pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back."
Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?"
From across the room a voice said, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."
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Oct 31, 2014 17:26:25 GMT -5
Post by faune on Oct 31, 2014 17:26:25 GMT -5
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Oct 31, 2014 17:34:35 GMT -5
Post by snow on Oct 31, 2014 17:34:35 GMT -5
Are you still online faune? lol...
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Oct 31, 2014 18:07:56 GMT -5
snow likes this
Post by faune on Oct 31, 2014 18:07:56 GMT -5
Are you still online faune? lol... Yes, I am. Did you think that was me popping out of that box? LOL
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Oct 31, 2014 18:08:52 GMT -5
Post by faune on Oct 31, 2014 18:08:52 GMT -5
St. Peter is up in heaven and he passes by God's office.
God is sitting in a corner weeping his heart out, and St. Peter says, "Lord, what's wrong?"
God says, "I'm in love with an atheist but she doesn't know I exist."
DMG ~ Now that's a funny coming from you!
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Oct 31, 2014 18:12:39 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Oct 31, 2014 18:12:39 GMT -5
Heard this one yesterday...
Q - what's the difference between an Aussie wedding and an Aussie funeral? A - one less drunk
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