Post by Admin on Dec 22, 2023 18:00:33 GMT -5
Note 1: Friends in Missouri and elsewhere are choosing to have safe fellowship without unresponsive leaders.
Note 2 (added December 23): The letter is open for further signatures at Signatures
Clarification: Clever convention (below) is cancelled.
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To the Friends and Workers of our community,
We are broken-hearted and devastated after hearing about so many painful and traumatic experiences in our fellowship from the sexual assault1 and child sexual abuse2 that have come to light since March 2023. Still, we are thankful God has opened our eyes to what has happened so that we can do what is within our power to stop the abuse and to help victim-survivors begin to heal. We are only beginning to learn what has been hidden for decades by the ministry we once trusted. Courageous men and women, victim-survivors, are finally making their voices heard.
We have decided that we will only participate in a fellowship that has guidelines and governance that protects our fellowship from harm; holds predators, perpetrators, and other complicit parties of such abuse accountable; and supports victim-survivors of sexual assault and child sexual abuse. We welcome you to unite with us in safe fellowship.
At this time, we will continue to have fellowship with all of you in accordance with safety guidelines, our conscience, and the word of God. We will continue to follow the heart of Jesus and promote the safety of all, especially the children and those who are most vulnerable within our fellowship. We cannot allow history to repeat itself and we must choose the righteous path that God has revealed to us. We choose love.
We are not abandoning our faith or our fellowship. Rather, the leaders who choose not to accept the responsibility to enact policies that protect the vulnerable have abandoned us. Our faith in the Lord remains strong, and we will continue to have nourishing fellowship in ways that do not compromise the values and the safety of our community.
As such, we are unified in our commitment to implementing a safety policy in our meetings. Given the decades of disturbing and widespread sexual violence that has been uncovered, any fellowship we participate in will have the following:
A protocol for immediate action on all reports of SA and CSA that includes cooperating with legal authorities and third-party abuse investigators regarding the alleged abuse. This also includes notifying all individuals in the fellowship who might come into contact with the alleged perpetrator.
A transparent structure of accountability for members of the ministry who conceal or ignore allegations or reports of sexual assault or child sexual abuse.
Regular training and education for all members of our fellowship on issues of consent, sexual violence, and the importance of safeguarding minors and other vulnerable members of our fellowship.
Meaningful support for victim-survivors.
A commitment to continually review and improve these policies and practices, ensuring that our fellowship remains a safe and nurturing environment for all who wish to participate without fear of encountering a perpetrator.
You can find some of the policies we have enacted and region-specific information here: bit.ly/safe-fellowship-policies
We know that many of you who are in the ministry of our fellowship share our conviction, and we invite you to continue to be a part of this fellowship as we make it safer for all. It no longer can be assumed we will offer our homes or our financial support to members of the ministry unless they are willing to uphold the basic tenets outlined above. We pray that members of the ministry and its leadership will do what is right for the good of this fellowship.
To help you understand why we must take this stand, we want to share some of the devastating information that has been revealed to us:
Sexual assault (SA) and Child sexual abuse (CSA) are widespread across our fellowship.
In the 10 months between March and November of this year, more than 675 perpetrators of sexual assault or child sexual abuse amongst our fellowship have been reported to the police, legal authorities, and private investigators. Of these 675 alleged perpetrators, the percentage who are workers is roughly 40% (270), and nearly all include instances of CSA.
It is almost certain that every member of our fellowship knows more than one friend who has or is currently experiencing sexual violence perpetrated by another member of our fellowship.
Less than half of the SA cases and fewer than one in 10 CSA cases are ever reported.3 Additionally, nearly every perpetrator has multiple victims.4 In other words, the 675 named perpetrators likely represent thousands upon thousands of members of our community who have suffered sexual abuse. We know many victim-survivors will never tell their story, but we want them to know we care about them and that they can be assured we are working for safety within the fellowship.
All reports of SA and CSA should be taken seriously, and attempts to dismiss these claims are a source of direct harm to our fellowship.
The reason these sexual abuse crimes are rarely reported or prosecuted is not because they didn’t happen. Only 2% of reports of sexual violence are ever falsified.4 What prevents victim-survivors from coming forward in nearly all cases are the cultures of blame, minimization, and denial they face if they choose to seek support from family, friends, members of our faith, and ministry.5 This culture also allows predators to continue to abuse their victims without fear of meaningful consequences.
Victim-survivors need our help and support.
Victim-survivors of SA and CSA may experience devastating, wide-ranging, and long-term effects, including depression and anxiety, self-destructive behaviors including suicide, feelings of worthlessness, and a higher likelihood of sexual assaults in the future.6
Despite messaging from current leadership and staff, attempts to address this crisis without a safety policy have left our fellowship unprotected and victim-survivors unsupported.
As the attached letters show, there have been many times when events have put our members at risk, in direct contradiction with the assurances that workers have made that predators are ‘being handled’ appropriately.*
We cannot depend on a ministry that does not provide for a home or the care of a family to suggest an adequate policy that protects children, women, the vulnerable in the fellowship, the church in the home, and property.
The ministers in this fellowship are not responsible for providing for a home, nor do they know the feeling of responsibility and care for a spouse, children, or grandchildren.
We invite you to unite with us in safe fellowship in accordance with these guidelines, whether you are a Friend, Elder, Worker, or Overseer. Please visit bit.ly/safe-fellowship-commitment to join us in this commitment to safer fellowship standards.
In faith and resolve,
Ted & Kelly Davis, Elder & Wife — Missouri
Lecil & Gaby Townsend, Clever Convention ground owners & parents of a victim-survivor — Missouri
Nadine & Calvin Mead, Elder & Wife (survivor) — Missouri
Sam & Kim Vallery, Elder & Wife — Arkansas
Thomas & Sharon Melendy, Friend — Missouri
Travis & Janelle Veldkamp, Elder & Wife — Missouri
Joe Trapp — Texas
Jim & Lori Collins, Friend — Missouri
Selkie Hope, Victim-survivor & former member — Virginia
Kelly Grotte, Elder & Wife — North Dakota
Dan & Paula Timmersman, Friend — Missouri
Brad & Kelly Graves, Ex elder & wife — Maine
Nate Thompson, Friend — Wyoming
Shanna Smidt, Former friend, no longer attending — Illinois
Frank Williams & wife, Friend — Missouri
Brandon & Mikaela Hellevang, Friend — Nebraska
Footnotes:
1. Sexual assault (SA) is any sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the consent of the victim-survivor. Sexual assault is a broad term that applies to many types of sex crimes committed against adults, including when the victim lacks the capacity to consent or when power differentials exist. In our fellowship, workers have authority over friends, brother workers have authority over sister workers, and men have authority over women, so what may seem to be a ‘consensual relationship’ may result from coercion.
2. CSA, or child sexual abuse, refers to sex crimes committed against a minor. CSA is sometimes referred to as sexual abuse (CSA). CSA may be committed by adults or by older children. CSA can be either physical or nonphysical. CSA can even exist in the absence of touching. This might include exposing a person’s genitals to a child, encouraging a child to watch or hear sexual acts either in person or on a video, photographing a child in a sexual position, obscene conversations or text, etc.
3. The Impact of Sexual Violence. National Sexual Violence Resource Center. nsvrc.org/sites/default/files/Publications_NSVRC_Factsheet_Impact-of-sexual-violence_0.pdf
4. Facts and Statistics About Sex Offending. City of Golden, Colorado. www.cityofgolden.net/media/FASO.pdf
5. Ahrens, C. E. (2006, December). Being silenced: The impact of negative social reactions on the disclosure of rape. American Journal of Community Psychology. www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1705531/
6. Effects of sexual violence. RAINN. www.rainn.org/effects-sexual-violence
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*Letters of support from some who have signed:
CLEVER CONVENTION GROUND OWNERS & PARENTS OF A VICTIM-SURVIVOR — Missouri
Wed, Dec. 13, 2023
Friends,
We are writing to you with broken hearts. We feel moved to share this with you because we care deeply about your spiritual and physical safety. This letter is our response to the devastating news and events that have unfolded since last spring when we learned of the horrific abuse of our dear fellowship children and friends. We also discovered that members of our trusted ministry actually covered up these criminal acts and allowed the abuse to continue. We knew that we must do our part to protect and support victim-survivors. We are shocked and devastated to learn that our ministry does not feel the same.
We have hosted the Clever convention on our property for 21 years and had hoped to preserve this special reunion for years to come. Unfortunately, because leadership will not take meaningful steps to resolve the abuse issues, we are heartbroken to have to tell you that we have no intention of hosting another Special Meeting or Convention on our property.
Since leadership has chosen not to support or protect its flock, we can no longer support the ministry or its leadership in any way. We will continue to be a safe place for anyone — worker, member, former member, or otherwise — who stands with victim-survivors.
The priorities of the ministry were made clear to us when Craig visited with us on Aug. 8, shortly after the Overseers Meeting in Seneca, IL. When we asked him if the Overseers would pass a universal policy for creating a safer fellowship, he shared with us what their real concern was.
Here is a transcript of him describing the Overseers’ consensus, during that conversation with us:
“One of the issues, and this is another way of looking at it… When we’re not looked at as a monolithic Fellowship, in other words, we don’t have one identity in a sense, then our region is in legal protection.
Otherwise, you can get sued as a whole group. But because we aren’t a monolithic work in the sense and we are Regional, then that is a protection in a way.
So, there’s that thought that we don’t want to become identified as one universal fellowship even though we have a lot in common; there is room for regional differences.
It’s one of the reasons we haven’t been sued in the sense because there’s no Central money, and so there’s no way to identify some kind of incentive.”
We never considered there was “another way of looking at” protecting our fellowship from abuse. Yet Craig’s statements demonstrate that the Overseers are more concerned with protecting their finances and shielding themselves from the law than they are with keeping us safe. They seem willing to distort their view in order to protect worldly goods rather than the people they claim to be a shepherd of.
When we asked Craig to share with us some of what our leadership discussed at the overseer’s meeting, he said that Barry Barkley started the meeting by saying:
“Perhaps this is the Lord’s way of disciplining His ministry or, as he called it, ‘Chastising’ His ministry.”
As parents, we know that it is heartbreaking to discipline those we love, but it is necessary for our children’s safety. And that discipline must result in change. Why has our leadership chosen earthly comforts over God’s correction?
In our meeting with the task force on Dec. 10, Craig and his staff mentioned that the workers are confident in how they are currently handling allegations. However, their method of ‘handling’ allegations is no different than it was before this chastisement. They rely on deceitful and dishonest perpetrators to stay within boundaries that they’ve crossed before. We know of a few recent examples in our region where this system has already failed.
1. One of the workers gave an example of how well they believe they’ve handled a specific CSA predator in Oklahoma. However, several months back, this same predator showed up at our home with two of his children. We had no idea there were serious allegations against him and feel violated that the ministry hid information about his past from us and did not give us the opportunity to make an informed decision about whether to allow him into our home.
2. After sharing our draft convention safety policy, we received information a man who raped a 15-year-old girl has not only been attending our conventions for years but also hosts a meeting in his home. The ministry was aware of his actions in 2019, and claims to have ‘handled it’ appropriately. We don’t know whether or not Craig had this information when he came to our area, but we do know that he has been aware of it since 8/17/23 when we shared it with him. There is still a meeting in the predator’s home, and he showed up at an event two weeks ago where many workers and Friends were present.
In that same meeting, the workers said their concern about a policy is that it would cause the ministry to rely on man-made rules rather than spirit-led decisions. The scourge of evil within this church has proven that the ministry requires a policy in order to establish the bare minimum of care for our flock. What is spirit-led should be far and beyond what is in a policy. Perhaps 5, 10, or 15 years from now a policy may fade into the background as people are made aware and we work together to form a culture that cares for victim-survivors and protects our fellowship from predators. But before that can happen, there must be a unified understanding of the evil in our midst. Until then, the ministry will continue to create division by refusing to be honest about these atrocities.
We had hopes that we could work with Craig on resolving these issues, but the leadership’s stance has made that impossible. The vast scope of evil within our ministry proves beyond any doubt that a written policy is essential. The leadership was invited to multiple task force meetings, which included many concerned friends, where we implored them to make changes for a safer fellowship. Sadly, the leadership is firm in its stance and feels confident in its handling of allegations. Their faulty system will continue to fail, and history will repeat itself. Our goals of finding unity and working together with the ministry have been thwarted.
At this time we desire to continue to follow the heart of Jesus and look at the safety of our children and most vulnerable in the fellowship. We CANNOT look at it any other way. We CANNOT choose earthly comfort over the righteous path that God has revealed to us. We believe that every penny that this ministry is trying to protect should go toward support for victim-survivors. We will no longer be financially supporting this ministry in any way. We will continue to have fellowship with all of you in accordance with safety guidelines, our conscience, and the word of God.
Lecil and Gaby Townsend
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ELDER & WIFE (SURVIVOR) — Missouri
Wed, Dec. 13, 2023
Our Most Precious Friends,
Most days since March of this year have been filled with deep sadness at what we have learned. As we write this today, it is no different. The sadness we feel nearly takes our breath away, but amid the sadness, we feel a profound thankfulness that we have a Father that has been so patient & kind to us in this journey. He has been willing to carry the heaviness when it seemed too much.
Through all of this we have been reminded of how precious the children & the vulnerable are to Jesus because He used many examples of this. When we married, our greatest hope was to bring children into this world and we begged God to bless us with them. Sadly, our first two babies went to heaven prior to us holding them. We believe that perhaps, those two precious little lives went to God so that we would have a greater understanding of the seriousness of being parents. We now have the privilege of God lending us 5 beautiful souls here on earth. We are tremendously protective of them, and raising them has been one of our greatest joys. Through them we have gotten to see the heart of our Father more clearly. It is not something we have ever taken lightly & we know God sees every child through much more profound vision than even ours. Little children teach us so much! How to unselfishly love, how to forgive, how to not keep records of wrongs, how to not envy. It is no wonder their angels see the face of God always! The fact that little children & the vulnerable have been used, abused, discounted, labeled & discarded like yesterday’s trash within our fellowship is more than we can fathom. It is a stain and a stench that has reached up to heaven.
We looked to those in our leadership thinking they would have the same level of horror that we do and we have been deeply grieved to realize not only that they don’t, but often seem dismissive or even apathetic. It seems, although they have spoken often about sorrow and repentance, it is not something that they can live out. The longer we have progressed in this journey it has become obvious our leaders have known of these horrible crimes for many years, explaining why they weren’t shocked at their exposure. Perhaps another reason why they are not also horrified is they have never experienced human love on the level a parent does when their new born baby is placed in their arms and we are awestruck at the miracle of life God created. Every victims’ story we have viewed as though it was one of our own precious children who was violated. It has crushed us deeply to experience that pain. It has made the hymn “I want to feel the pain my neighbors often know” very palpable, because our visceral reaction is to run away from the pain of others, but as someone shared, to turn away from the pain of others is another layer of abuse, and Jesus did not ever do that.
Our resolve has become more grounded as each day has passed, that “not on our watch” will we let this happen to another precious little vulnerable soul. We have pleaded with God for help & clarity. We don’t know or understand why God revealed this in such a profound way, but it is very clear that He is calling to those who have ears to hear and waits to see what they are willing to do for “the least of these my brethren”. Some will choose the approval of men, and like the Savior said, “they shall have their reward”. We each bear the responsibility of being our brothers’ keeper in the future. We are so stricken within ourselves that we have had the spirit of a Pharisee in the past & we beg God to never let us slip into that spirit again, or allow Satan to delude us into complacency.
With deep love and great sorrow,
Calvin and Nadine Mead
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ELDER & WIFE — Arkansas
Thu, Dec. 14, 2023
Dear Steve and Daniel,
I am 61 years old, recently retired, have professed for 50 years, and so far, have hosted the local meetings in my home for almost 30 years. My wife and I have had an “open home” for over 40 years.
I am going to share my thoughts, as you requested.
Yes, we are in turmoil. And we have now been in turmoil for at least 8-9 months, with very little acknowledgment or change for the better. However, the reason for the turmoil is not limited to “the way some sexual abuse cases among our friends were handled”. Far from it! The reason for the turmoil is because of the way that multiple things have been “handled” over many decades, and continue to be “handled” even until this present time. Below are some of my thoughts:
Sexual abuse and several other forms of abuse, victimizing both minors and adults, has been a problem in our midst for many years. It has existed within both the fellowship and the ministry. We now have undeniable reports of this occurring for decades, and now know that efforts were made to keep it from becoming common knowledge by way of denial, bullying, slandering/silencing of victims and their advocates, and even excommunication. All were tools used as means of controlling the flow of information and the narrative.
How many people within the fellowship, even to this day, have an accurate picture of what is and has been going on? Have people been truly and honestly informed? Or has there been a continuing effort to “keep people in the dark”? Can anyone deny that there has been total silence outside of those who “need to know”? And whose right or responsibility is it to choose who “needs to know”? Does everyone who “cannot be part of an organized religion or efforts to institutionalize our family fellowship” know that there are now close to 700 verified allegations of abusers, and thousands upon thousands of their victims? Do these same people have any idea how many individuals and families have left the fellowship, and that over 70 workers in N. America alone, have left the ministry, voluntarily and involuntarily, since this crisis began? Why are people being forced to get information from the Internet and word of mouth, instead of from elders and workers? How is this at all helpful in regard to any attempt at rebuilding shattered trust? I believe that it is simply the continuation of a long history of lack of transparency. In fact, I don’t like that term “lack of transparency”. Doesn’t “dishonesty” sound and fit better?
How did we arrive at this point of turmoil, loss of faith in our fellowship structure, and loss of faith in our ministry? I believe that it is due to a combination of several interrelated factors. I have intentionally kept my list short, so it is certainly not all inclusive:
Exclusivity of Form: Our form of meeting together and worship are the only true way to salvation, and anyone that is not a member of our fellowship is doomed to a lost eternity. Or at the very best, in veiled argument against this teaching of exclusivity: “We are not the judge, and our God is merciful”….how many times have we all heard this statement when people who “lost out” and then died are later discussed? Just recently, a dear little man and his elderly mother who meet in my home were told that by a sister worker that “we are now in the end times, and that people presently leaving the fellowship are part of the great “falling away”.
Exclusivity of Ministry: Our celibate(!), “homeless”, 2×2 ministry, which stays in the homes of fellowship members is the only one approved by God, and any other form of ministry is “false”. Every evangelist/minister/pastor/worker outside of our church is a false prophet/hireling. And the very proof of this, as I was taught, is because “this form of ministry has lasted for so long! Surely, if it wasn’t of God, it would have fallen apart by now”.
Worship of Tradition and Man: Only those who have been willing to dress a certain way, have a certain “appearance”, wear their hair a certain way, and attend Sunday fellowship meetings, Wednesday night “meeting”, convention, special meetings, and gospel meetings are true Children of God. Anything else or “less than this” is false, vain worship, evidence of the “wrong spirit”, and is not of God. And the ultimate “example” for women in our fellowship is the way that sister workers behave, wear their hair and dress. Because one can always tell what is on the inside by the outside appearance….especially among the women!!
Lack of Accountability and Transparency: We like to tell ourselves and others that we are not an organized religion. We have taken great pride in this. But in reality, we are VERY organized. We have a definite hierarchy, from “overseers of overseers” all the way down through senior workers, junior workers, male workers, female workers, elders, and rank and file fellowship members. To deny any of this is an outright lie. On the other hand, we have a totally opaque, secretive system of decision making, including decisions of doctrine, church form/structure, finances, and even unwritten “policy”. Everyone wants to deny accountability in any of this, especially as one moves upward in the hierarchy, but once again this is simply put, all lies. Our framework of “independent regional overseers” conveniently supports the system of lack of accountability, as well as continued plausible deniability in the future. We have thrived in darkness and lack of accountability, and it has finally, but inexorably, led to this tremendous upheaval. There is no doubt in my mind that we are an extremely organized religion, and have been so for many decades. Being unwilling to admit the truth does not alter the truth. If we are going to continue with denial of accountability, and the fact the we have dangerously lost our way, are we then, logically, going to blame everything wrong within our fellowship and ministry on God and the leading of his Holy Spirit?! God Forbid!
Of course, one hears arguments denying the “truth” of the above listed items, but can any of us, in our hearts, before God himself, deny that we were taught all of this either directly and/or indirectly, and that together, they have had a tremendous impact upon us individually and as a group/culture? And when one is born and raised in such a cultural milieu, how can our fellowship and the ministry that largely draws from it, not become a breeding ground for all types of sexual, mental, spiritual and other immoral forms of abuse? Of course, there are still a few “worldly” people who occasionally “find” our church, but who can argue that well over 95% of present day members were born and raised in this, and were culturally conditioned to have blind faith, without questioning anything?
After >8 months of countless personal visits, written letters, phone calls, being an advocate for victims in our fellowship, being an active member in several groups, and still witnessing the lukewarm, milk-toast, reluctant responses to any of this by the ministry, and then the same cues/responses being mimicked by most fellowship members, I no longer have much will to fight on, mostly alone, for what has become so obvious to me in hindsight. I am ashamed and grieved to realize that what I thought I had and much of what I believed were not as I imagined. I also do not think, even for one moment, that if we can come up with a written “policy” to ostensibly deal with any potential predators whom we might inadvertently “catch” in the future, that we have accomplished anything worthy of hope for long-term sustainability in our fellowship and ministry. History will simply repeat itself over and over again as long as God allows this present world to stand.
Several months ago, I decided to neither invite workers into my home, nor support any functions in which the ministry is involved, including conventions, special meetings, and gospel meetings. Unfortunately, my stance has not changed.
However, I continue to feel a deep love and spiritual responsibility for my local little fellowship meeting and its members. I will continue in my role as elder of our local meeting, but I no longer answer to anyone but God. Perhaps there is still a slim chance that if more of us, both fellowship members and workers, would stand up and shout from the rooftops that “enough is enough”, there could be impetus for meaningful progress forward. But I fear that most are comfortably complacent, and have great fear of addressing systemic problems openly and honestly.
I hope that you will find it appropriate to forward my complete letter to all in our tristate area, both workers and fellowship members. I firmly believe that if more people had exposure to the absolute truth of our predicament as a church, that more would be moved by the Spirit to step up and play a role in saving our fellowship. Ignorance may be bliss, but it is and always has been a false facade.
Kindest regards,
Sam Vallery
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ELDER & WIFE — Missouri
Thu, Dec. 14, 2023
After reading Sam Vallery’s letter, I find that our own letter is largely a duplication of what he has already written. We agree that this present issue is a symptom of other issues. Even if the sexual abuse and child sex abuse can be dealt with, there are additional problems that must be addressed.
