Post by Pragmatic on Dec 5, 2023 20:56:39 GMT -5
I saw this on Wingsfortruth and thought it was well written. Names redacted.
I am 61 years old, recently retired, have professed for 50 years, and so far, have hosted the local meetings in my home for almost 30 years. My wife and I have had an “open home” for over 40 years.
I am going to share my thoughts, as you requested.
Yes, we are in turmoil. And we have now been in turmoil for at least 8-9 months, with very little acknowledgment or change for the better. However, the reason for the turmoil is not limited to “the way some sexual abuse cases among our friends were handled”. Far from it! The reason for the turmoil is because of the way that multiple things have been “handled” over many decades, and continue to be “handled” even until this present time. Below are some of my thoughts:
Sexual abuse and several other forms of abuse, victimizing both minors and adults, has been a problem in our midst for many years. It has existed within both the fellowship and the ministry. We now have undeniable reports of this occurring for decades, and now know that efforts were made to keep it from becoming common knowledge by way of denial, bullying, slandering/silencing of victims and their advocates, and even excommunication. All were tools used as means of controlling the flow of information and the narrative.
How many people within the fellowship, even to this day, have an accurate picture of what is and has been going on? Have people been truly and honestly informed? Or has there been a continuing effort to “keep people in the dark”? Can anyone deny that there has been total silence outside of those who “need to know”? And whose right or responsibility is it to choose who “needs to know”? Does everyone who “cannot be part of an organized religion or efforts to institutionalize our family fellowship” know that there are now close to 700 verified allegations of abusers, and thousands upon thousands of their victims? Do these same people have any idea how many individuals and families have left the fellowship, and that over 70 workers in N. America alone, have left the ministry, voluntarily and involuntarily, since this crisis began? Why are people being forced to get information from the Internet and word of mouth, instead of from elders and workers? How is this at all helpful in regard to any attempt at rebuilding shattered trust? I believe that it is simply the continuation of a long history of lack of transparency. In fact, I don’t like that term “lack of transparency”. Doesn’t “dishonesty” sound and fit better?
How did we arrive at this point of turmoil, loss of faith in our fellowship structure, and loss of faith in our ministry? I believe that it is due to a combination of several interrelated factors. I have intentionally kept my list short, so it is certainly not all inclusive:
Exclusivity of Form: Our form of meeting together and worship are the only true way to salvation, and anyone that is not a member of our fellowship is doomed to a lost eternity. Or at the very best, in veiled argument against this teaching of exclusivity: “We are not the judge, and our God is merciful”….how many times have we all heard this statement when people who “lost out” and then died are later discussed? Just recently, a dear little man and his elderly mother who meet in my home were told that by a sister worker that “we are now in the end times, and that people presently leaving the fellowship are part of the great “falling away”.
Exclusivity of Ministry: Our celibate(!), “homeless”, 2×2 ministry, which stays in the homes of fellowship members is the only one approved by God, and any other form of ministry is “false”. Every evangelist/minister/pastor/worker outside of our church is a false prophet/hireling. And the very proof of this, as I was taught, is because “this form of ministry has lasted for so long! Surely, if it wasn’t of God, it would have fallen apart by now”.
Worship of Tradition and Man: Only those who have been willing to dress a certain way, have a certain “appearance”, wear their hair a certain way, and attend Sunday fellowship meetings, Wednesday night “meeting”, convention, special meetings, and gospel meetings are true Children of God. Anything else or “less than this” is false, vain worship, evidence of the “wrong spirit”, and is not of God. And the ultimate “example” for women in our fellowship is the way that sister workers behave, wear their hair and dress. Because one can always tell what is on the inside by the outside appearance….especially among the women!!
Lack of Accountability and Transparency: We like to tell ourselves and others that we are not an organized religion. We have taken great pride in this. But in reality, we are VERY organized. We have a definite hierarchy, from “overseers of overseers” all the way down through senior workers, junior workers, male workers, female workers, elders, and rank and file fellowship members. To deny any of this is an outright lie. On the other hand, we have a totally opaque, secretive system of decision making, including decisions of doctrine, church form/structure, finances, and even unwritten “policy”. Everyone wants to deny accountability in any of this, especially as one moves upward in the hierarchy, but once again this is simply put, all lies. Our framework of “independent regional overseers” conveniently supports the system of lack of accountability, as well as continued plausible deniability in the future. We have thrived in darkness and lack of accountability, and it has finally, but inexorably, led to this tremendous upheaval. There is no doubt in my mind that we are an extremely organized religion, and have been so for many decades. Being unwilling to admit the truth does not alter the truth. If we are going to continue with denial of accountability, and the fact the we have dangerously lost our way, are we then, logically, going to blame everything wrong within our fellowship and ministry on God and the leading of his Holy Spirit?! God Forbid!
Of course, one hears arguments denying the “truth” of the above listed items, but can any of us, in our hearts, before God himself, deny that we were taught all of this either directly and/or indirectly, and that together, they have had a tremendous impact upon us individually and as a group/culture? And when one is born and raised in such a cultural milieu, how can our fellowship and the ministry that largely draws from it, not become a breeding ground for all types of sexual, mental, spiritual and other immoral forms of abuse? Of course, there are still a few “worldly” people who occasionally “find” our church, but who can argue that well over 95% of present day members were born and raised in this, and were culturally conditioned to have blind faith, without questioning anything?
After >8 months of countless personal visits, written letters, phone calls, being an advocate for victims in our fellowship, being an active member in several groups, and still witnessing the lukewarm, milk-toast, reluctant responses to any of this by the ministry, and then the same cues/responses being mimicked by most fellowship members, I no longer have much will to fight on, mostly alone, for what has become so obvious to me in hindsight. I am ashamed and grieved to realize that what I thought I had and much of what I believed were not as I imagined. I also do not think, even for one moment, that if we can come up with a written “policy” to ostensibly deal with any potential predators whom we might inadvertently “catch” in the future, that we have accomplished anything worthy of hope for long-term sustainability in our fellowship and ministry. History will simply repeat itself over and over again as long as God allows this present world to stand.
Several months ago, I decided to neither invite workers into my home, nor support any functions in which the ministry is involved, including conventions, special meetings, and gospel meetings. Unfortunately, my stance has not changed.
However, I continue to feel a deep love and spiritual responsibility for my local little fellowship meeting and its members. I will continue in my role as elder of our local meeting, but I no longer answer to anyone but God. Perhaps there is still a slim chance that if more of us, both fellowship members and workers, would stand up and shout from the rooftops that “enough is enough”, there could be impetus for meaningful progress forward. But I fear that most are comfortably complacent, and have great fear of addressing systemic problems openly and honestly.
I hope that you will find it appropriate to forward my complete letter to all in our tristate area, both workers and fellowship members. I firmly believe that if more people had exposure to the absolute truth of our predicament as a church, that more would be moved by the Spirit to step up and play a role in saving our fellowship. Ignorance may be bliss, but it is and always has been a false facade.
I am going to share my thoughts, as you requested.
Yes, we are in turmoil. And we have now been in turmoil for at least 8-9 months, with very little acknowledgment or change for the better. However, the reason for the turmoil is not limited to “the way some sexual abuse cases among our friends were handled”. Far from it! The reason for the turmoil is because of the way that multiple things have been “handled” over many decades, and continue to be “handled” even until this present time. Below are some of my thoughts:
Sexual abuse and several other forms of abuse, victimizing both minors and adults, has been a problem in our midst for many years. It has existed within both the fellowship and the ministry. We now have undeniable reports of this occurring for decades, and now know that efforts were made to keep it from becoming common knowledge by way of denial, bullying, slandering/silencing of victims and their advocates, and even excommunication. All were tools used as means of controlling the flow of information and the narrative.
How many people within the fellowship, even to this day, have an accurate picture of what is and has been going on? Have people been truly and honestly informed? Or has there been a continuing effort to “keep people in the dark”? Can anyone deny that there has been total silence outside of those who “need to know”? And whose right or responsibility is it to choose who “needs to know”? Does everyone who “cannot be part of an organized religion or efforts to institutionalize our family fellowship” know that there are now close to 700 verified allegations of abusers, and thousands upon thousands of their victims? Do these same people have any idea how many individuals and families have left the fellowship, and that over 70 workers in N. America alone, have left the ministry, voluntarily and involuntarily, since this crisis began? Why are people being forced to get information from the Internet and word of mouth, instead of from elders and workers? How is this at all helpful in regard to any attempt at rebuilding shattered trust? I believe that it is simply the continuation of a long history of lack of transparency. In fact, I don’t like that term “lack of transparency”. Doesn’t “dishonesty” sound and fit better?
How did we arrive at this point of turmoil, loss of faith in our fellowship structure, and loss of faith in our ministry? I believe that it is due to a combination of several interrelated factors. I have intentionally kept my list short, so it is certainly not all inclusive:
Exclusivity of Form: Our form of meeting together and worship are the only true way to salvation, and anyone that is not a member of our fellowship is doomed to a lost eternity. Or at the very best, in veiled argument against this teaching of exclusivity: “We are not the judge, and our God is merciful”….how many times have we all heard this statement when people who “lost out” and then died are later discussed? Just recently, a dear little man and his elderly mother who meet in my home were told that by a sister worker that “we are now in the end times, and that people presently leaving the fellowship are part of the great “falling away”.
Exclusivity of Ministry: Our celibate(!), “homeless”, 2×2 ministry, which stays in the homes of fellowship members is the only one approved by God, and any other form of ministry is “false”. Every evangelist/minister/pastor/worker outside of our church is a false prophet/hireling. And the very proof of this, as I was taught, is because “this form of ministry has lasted for so long! Surely, if it wasn’t of God, it would have fallen apart by now”.
Worship of Tradition and Man: Only those who have been willing to dress a certain way, have a certain “appearance”, wear their hair a certain way, and attend Sunday fellowship meetings, Wednesday night “meeting”, convention, special meetings, and gospel meetings are true Children of God. Anything else or “less than this” is false, vain worship, evidence of the “wrong spirit”, and is not of God. And the ultimate “example” for women in our fellowship is the way that sister workers behave, wear their hair and dress. Because one can always tell what is on the inside by the outside appearance….especially among the women!!
Lack of Accountability and Transparency: We like to tell ourselves and others that we are not an organized religion. We have taken great pride in this. But in reality, we are VERY organized. We have a definite hierarchy, from “overseers of overseers” all the way down through senior workers, junior workers, male workers, female workers, elders, and rank and file fellowship members. To deny any of this is an outright lie. On the other hand, we have a totally opaque, secretive system of decision making, including decisions of doctrine, church form/structure, finances, and even unwritten “policy”. Everyone wants to deny accountability in any of this, especially as one moves upward in the hierarchy, but once again this is simply put, all lies. Our framework of “independent regional overseers” conveniently supports the system of lack of accountability, as well as continued plausible deniability in the future. We have thrived in darkness and lack of accountability, and it has finally, but inexorably, led to this tremendous upheaval. There is no doubt in my mind that we are an extremely organized religion, and have been so for many decades. Being unwilling to admit the truth does not alter the truth. If we are going to continue with denial of accountability, and the fact the we have dangerously lost our way, are we then, logically, going to blame everything wrong within our fellowship and ministry on God and the leading of his Holy Spirit?! God Forbid!
Of course, one hears arguments denying the “truth” of the above listed items, but can any of us, in our hearts, before God himself, deny that we were taught all of this either directly and/or indirectly, and that together, they have had a tremendous impact upon us individually and as a group/culture? And when one is born and raised in such a cultural milieu, how can our fellowship and the ministry that largely draws from it, not become a breeding ground for all types of sexual, mental, spiritual and other immoral forms of abuse? Of course, there are still a few “worldly” people who occasionally “find” our church, but who can argue that well over 95% of present day members were born and raised in this, and were culturally conditioned to have blind faith, without questioning anything?
After >8 months of countless personal visits, written letters, phone calls, being an advocate for victims in our fellowship, being an active member in several groups, and still witnessing the lukewarm, milk-toast, reluctant responses to any of this by the ministry, and then the same cues/responses being mimicked by most fellowship members, I no longer have much will to fight on, mostly alone, for what has become so obvious to me in hindsight. I am ashamed and grieved to realize that what I thought I had and much of what I believed were not as I imagined. I also do not think, even for one moment, that if we can come up with a written “policy” to ostensibly deal with any potential predators whom we might inadvertently “catch” in the future, that we have accomplished anything worthy of hope for long-term sustainability in our fellowship and ministry. History will simply repeat itself over and over again as long as God allows this present world to stand.
Several months ago, I decided to neither invite workers into my home, nor support any functions in which the ministry is involved, including conventions, special meetings, and gospel meetings. Unfortunately, my stance has not changed.
However, I continue to feel a deep love and spiritual responsibility for my local little fellowship meeting and its members. I will continue in my role as elder of our local meeting, but I no longer answer to anyone but God. Perhaps there is still a slim chance that if more of us, both fellowship members and workers, would stand up and shout from the rooftops that “enough is enough”, there could be impetus for meaningful progress forward. But I fear that most are comfortably complacent, and have great fear of addressing systemic problems openly and honestly.
I hope that you will find it appropriate to forward my complete letter to all in our tristate area, both workers and fellowship members. I firmly believe that if more people had exposure to the absolute truth of our predicament as a church, that more would be moved by the Spirit to step up and play a role in saving our fellowship. Ignorance may be bliss, but it is and always has been a false facade.