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Post by Deleted on Apr 14, 2020 11:09:29 GMT -5
There is something that always bothered me when I was growing up and when I was part of the 2x2. That was the value placed on knowing information before others in your meeting or others in your family. Workers knowing information about a situation and making it known they knew something you didn't know. The value of being in the known was so important that it made for a 2 tiered system.
I witnessed the destruction of this system this weekend. My "professing" brother died. I am from a very large family. Between my siblings, their children and their grandchildren there is almost 100 people. My brothers had cancer and the outcome was not promising but his passing was not expected and it happened very fast. So you can imagine contacting a family this size would take time. So this is what happened. My sister-in-law's sister is a worker. Once she was contacted her sent out a mass email to workers and friends before a lot of my siblings and their children were notified. My niece who is a nurse was working a 12 hour shift and my sister was waiting until she finished work to tell her. She did not want her to deal with this while working. My nice received a text from a worker while she was working offering her condolences. Two of my siblings were speaking to their children on the phone when their spouses received calls from non family members. This was very upsetting to my family members.
This is my take. I don't think any of these people did this out of malice. I believe the workers and friends are just ignorant when it comes to good social graces. So please think beyond yourself. Think of all the other people involved and the effect your actions will have on them. Is it going to help the situation or cause more pain.
To every worker I will implore you to think of how many times you and other workers have spoken about being loving, kind and compassionate. Please think about what this means when you deal with others. Words without actions have very little meaning.
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Post by ForeverFree on Apr 14, 2020 11:29:36 GMT -5
Sorry for you loss, forgotten. Growing up in the 2x2s of the same generation, I know what you mean. It almost seems a pride thing, to be in the know.
Telegram, telephone, tell a worker.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 14, 2020 13:47:59 GMT -5
sorry for your loss....to some its busybody work to others its not....who knows...
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Post by iam on Apr 14, 2020 13:54:50 GMT -5
Instant communication gratification can be inconsideration
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Post by Deleted on Apr 14, 2020 16:30:12 GMT -5
got to thinking about this...yes thinking is a problem...if the immediate family knew and notified the workers or the friends BEFORE they notified ALL the rest of their family it would kind be their own fault wouldn't it? or at the very least they should warn workers and friends not to repeat it for a day or so....yes, i realize that there is stress involved with getting everyone notified before it becomes public if that is the case don't notify workers and friends ahead of time...JMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 14, 2020 17:04:23 GMT -5
Understand the hurt Forgotten. My condolences to you, a very sad time for your Family. I can relate to what you say the same thing has been done to us because of the social grace ignorance of Workers.
I think that secret thing is because proper 2x2's have a very shallow mentality, that is the way Workers want them to be, subjective.
I had an Aunty who owned the property where Conventions were held. She would spend hours on the telephone talking to my Mum. telling her all the top secret stuff obtained from Workers. I think it is inevitable that this "In Secret' attitude will develop in a cult like group. Isolated from reality, hence social ignorance creeps in.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 14, 2020 17:08:36 GMT -5
You are talking about the wife notifying her family. My sister-in-law was on her way home with her son when this was going down. Why would she not call her family while her daughter-in-law who was home and had all our numbers was making calls to my family. I am sure my sister-in-law did not think this would happen. Just THINK before you act. How would you like it if this happened to you. I have been told all my life there were things I had to accept because my family is too LARGE. I never comment on the size of ones family. I have been well aware my whole life that most workers and friends despise large families. Before I left meeting I used to ask people when they made disparage remarks about large families, which one or how many of us they wish had not been born.
Sorry, I will not accept that there is not a power trip for many workers and friends to be the first to know information before others.
Why was it of such importance to make these calls. The news was not going to change!! The sad thing is we are all left to mourn alone.
The one wonderful thing that has come out of this is my family is communicating with me for the first time in 9 Years. Joy and sorrow interwoven.
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Post by howitis on Apr 14, 2020 17:10:42 GMT -5
I think it's more about the personality of the news bearer. Often on threads there is a person who delights in posting 'news'/ letters they have obtained one way or another that are obviously not meant for them or the general public. For ourselves before posting someone else's 'news' or reposting letters etc, it might be best to ask oneself, 'am I doing harm to another by doing/retelling this?' So much heartache and hurt could be avoided this way.
Hope all are staying well.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 14, 2020 19:09:45 GMT -5
You are talking about the wife notifying her family. My sister-in-law was on her way home with her son when this was going down. Why would she not call her family while her daughter-in-law who was home and had all our numbers was making calls to my family. I am sure my sister-in-law did not think this would happen. Just THINK before you act. How would you like it if this happened to you. I have been told all my life there were things I had to accept because my family is too LARGE. I never comment on the size of ones family. I have been well aware my whole life that most workers and friends despise large families. Before I left meeting I used to ask people when they made disparage remarks about large families, which one or how many of us they wish had not been born. Sorry, I will not accept that there is not a power trip for many workers and friends to be the first to know information before others. Why was it of such importance to make these calls. The news was not going to change!! The sad thing is we are all left to mourn alone. The one wonderful thing that has come out of this is my family is communicating with me for the first time in 9 Years. Joy and sorrow interwoven. interesting that you had that experience about family size i have not. my mothers side dominated the council bluffs, iowa area for a couple decades with families of 7 and 10 and 5 and 5 not a word that i am aware of ever disparaging them....when i did a genealogy book the family had grown to 350+ from 1898-2005....
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Post by speak on Apr 14, 2020 21:49:00 GMT -5
I think it's more about the personality of the news bearer. Often on threads there is a person who delights in posting 'news'/ letters they have obtained one way or another that are obviously not meant for them or the general public. For ourselves before posting someone else's 'news' or reposting letters etc, it might be best to ask oneself, 'am I doing harm to another by doing/retelling this?' So much heartache and hurt could be avoided this way. Hope all are staying well.
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Post by Dan on Apr 14, 2020 23:03:39 GMT -5
My nice received a text from a worker while she was working offering her condolences. The Worker probably just assumed the family already knew and was just offering condolences. If my uncle died and I had to learn of it from a Worker, I'd be more ticked-off at my family for not notifying me. So I reckon its all in how you look at it? jmo
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Post by curlywurlysammagee on Apr 14, 2020 23:54:45 GMT -5
Understand the hurt Forgotten. My condolences to you, a very sad time for your Family. I can relate to what you say the same thing has been done to us because of the social grace ignorance of Workers. I think that secret thing is because proper 2x2's have a very shallow mentality, that is the way Workers want them to be, subjective. I had an Aunty who owned the property where Conventions were held. She would spend hours on the telephone talking to my Mum. telling her all the top secret stuff obtained from Workers. I think it is inevitable that this "In Secret' attitude will develop in a cult like group. Isolated from reality, hence social ignorance creeps in. That is evident here with a couple of prolific thread writers.
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Post by joanna on Apr 15, 2020 0:06:44 GMT -5
Sorry for your loss @forgotten
Religion (or your preferred euphemism) is a social construct and gossip is a thread that connects people and strengthens bonds. The person spreading the news of a person's death is afforded some status in the group.
The worker who sent out that group email displayed a lack of consideration and empathy for those closest to your brother. They should receive negative feedback about that action.
(This forum includes many threads which rely on gossip, sometimes this also seems to be spread without consideration and empathy).
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Post by curlywurlysammagee on Apr 15, 2020 0:12:42 GMT -5
Sorry for your loss @forgotten Religion (or your preferred euphemism) is a social construct and gossip is a thread that connects people and strengthens bonds. The person spreading the news of a person's death is afforded some status in the group. The worker who sent out that group email displayed a lack of consideration and empathy for those closest to your brother. They should receive negative feedback about that action. (This forum includes many threads which rely on gossip, sometimes this also seems to be spread with consideration and empathy). Do you prefer popcorn or are you a cheese on cracker type?
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Post by dmmichgood on Apr 15, 2020 2:06:32 GMT -5
There is something that always bothered me when I was growing up and when I was part of the 2x2. That was the value placed on knowing information before others in your meeting or others in your family. Workers knowing information about a situation and making it known they knew something you didn't know. The value of being in the known was so important that it made for a 2 tiered system. I witnessed the destruction of this system this weekend. My "professing" brother died. I am from a very large family. Between my siblings, their children and their grandchildren there is almost 100 people. My brothers had cancer and the outcome was not promising but his passing was not expected and it happened very fast. So you can imagine contacting a family this size would take time. So this is what happened. My sister-in-law's sister is a worker. Once she was contacted her sent out a mass email to workers and friends before a lot of my siblings and their children were notified. My niece who is a nurse was working a 12 hour shift and my sister was waiting until she finished work to tell her. She did not want her to deal with this while working. My nice received a text from a worker while she was working offering her condolences. Two of my siblings were speaking to their children on the phone when their spouses received calls from non family members. This was very upsetting to my family members. This is my take. I don't think any of these people did this out of malice. I believe the workers and friends are just ignorant when it comes to good social graces. So please think beyond yourself. Think of all the other people involved and the effect your actions will have on them. Is it going to help the situation or cause more pain. To every worker I will implore you to think of how many times you and other workers have spoken about being loving, kind and compassionate. Please think about what this means when you deal with others. Words without actions have very little meaning. I'm sorry about your family -forgotten.
Workers should do what news medias do in these circumstances by either not commenting at all or by saying, "the name of the person isn't being identified until the family is notified."
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Post by dmmichgood on Apr 15, 2020 2:14:26 GMT -5
got to thinking about this...yes thinking is a problem...if the immediate family knew and notified the workers or the friends BEFORE they notified ALL the rest of their family it would kind be their own fault wouldn't it? or at the very least they should warn workers and friends not to repeat it for a day or so....yes, i realize that there is stress involved with getting everyone notified before it becomes public if that is the case don't notify workers and friends ahead of time...JMT Don't you think the family might just have enough on their minds & hearts to do in such a situation without having to notify the workers or the friends BEFORE they notified ALL the rest of their family?
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Post by matisse on Apr 15, 2020 2:50:34 GMT -5
got to thinking about this...yes thinking is a problem...if the immediate family knew and notified the workers or the friends BEFORE they notified ALL the rest of their family it would kind be their own fault wouldn't it? or at the very least they should warn workers and friends not to repeat it for a day or so....yes, i realize that there is stress involved with getting everyone notified before it becomes public if that is the case don't notify workers and friends ahead of time...JMT Don't you think the family might just have enough on their minds & hearts to do in such a situation without having to notify the workers or the friends BEFORE they notified ALL the rest of their family?If I understood right, the worker in this case is also family - a sister of the new widow.
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Post by dmmichgood on Apr 15, 2020 2:50:53 GMT -5
Understand the hurt Forgotten. My condolences to you, a very sad time for your Family. I can relate to what you say the same thing has been done to us because of the social grace ignorance of Workers. I think that secret thing is because proper 2x2's have a very shallow mentality, that is the way Workers want them to be, subjective. I had an Aunty who owned the property where Conventions were held. She would spend hours on the telephone talking to my Mum. telling her all the top secret stuff obtained from Workers. I think it is inevitable that this "In Secret' attitude will develop in a cult like group. Isolated from reality, hence social ignorance creeps in. I agree. It is due to shallow mentality. Not their fault. Their world is so limited.
Such limited knowledge doesn't give them the ability to discuss much else but people. After all, when in all the history of the 2x2's has anyone ever been allowed to discuss "ideas?"
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Post by matisse on Apr 15, 2020 3:02:19 GMT -5
My heart goes out to you, forgotten. Nine years is such a long time. I hope you will be able to find some healing with your family.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 15, 2020 7:37:58 GMT -5
Yes, the worker is my sister-in-law's sister. There are and have been many workers in both families.
My brother's cancer has brought the family together in ways I never thought possible. Many tears but much laughter also as we have shared stories with each other.
I have prayed for years for healing for my family. I have experienced such love, kindness and caring for one another it has been wonderful.
Thank you all for your kind thoughts. It means so much at a time like this.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 15, 2020 11:02:11 GMT -5
got to thinking about this...yes thinking is a problem...if the immediate family knew and notified the workers or the friends BEFORE they notified ALL the rest of their family it would kind be their own fault wouldn't it? or at the very least they should warn workers and friends not to repeat it for a day or so....yes, i realize that there is stress involved with getting everyone notified before it becomes public if that is the case don't notify workers and friends ahead of time...JMT Don't you think the family might just have enough on their minds & hearts to do in such a situation without having to notify the workers or the friends BEFORE they notified ALL the rest of their family?did i not just say "yes, i realize that there is stress involved with getting everyone notified before it becomes public if that is the case don't notify workers and friends ahead of time...JMT"
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Post by snow on Apr 15, 2020 13:39:09 GMT -5
Don't you think the family might just have enough on their minds & hearts to do in such a situation without having to notify the workers or the friends BEFORE they notified ALL the rest of their family? If I understood right, the worker in this case is also family - a sister of the new widow. That's how I understood it too.
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Post by Get off of TMB on Apr 17, 2020 8:44:29 GMT -5
There is a pecking order where information passes down through a chain of command. Those at the bottom hear things last. However, technology has changed that a bit. When someone posts something on facebook, everyone hears about it at the same time. Before the information age, your spiritual standing with the workers depended upon whether or not you were worthy to hear something before others did.
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