"It is appropriate to serve Mormon missionaries brownies souped up with reefer."
There are many benefits associated with serving brownies which have been loaded up with a goodly dose of the cannabis plant.
First off, most of the Mormon missionaries which one encounters going door to door are young people who have been sent out from their home church area to evangelize in another area.
These young men and women must learn interpersonal relationship skills which will serve them well while spreading the message of their church.
It has been found that one of the most effective ways to get these young people to open up is through the use of carefully administered what is commonly referred to as the "Evangelistic Brownie".
After the knock on the door, and the polite exchange of 'Howdy's' and reading the names they have pinned to their shirts, they need to be invited in and made comfortable in the home setting. Since they are usually far from home and family, they are especially interested in any home cooked brownies which may appear set before them while talking. (It is good to also have some lemonade to help wash down and mask any strange lingering taste)
A normal conversation will start with them speaking of their reason for going out into the 'world' to spread the message, followed by some vague information of what the church doctrine is all about. A healthy chunk of brownie during this conversation is needed for getting them to be more open about church doctrine. Be sure to follow this brownie up with another one, (and refill their lemonade glass)
USUALLY, it will only take about 10 minutes of this 'small talk' before you see a change in their mannerism's. (An indication of this will be when they open up a bit and start talking of a totally unrelated topic. For example they may suddenly show an incredible fascination with the design or the texture of material on the chair they are sitting on, or the throw rug by the door)
It is at this point that one can have an immense impact on these young impressionable missionaries, and the conversation can be steered in the direction of sharing your views on several subjects.
For example you could make the statement:
I understand that Joseph Smith began to gather his converts in Utah in the mid 1800's is that true?
When they answer yes, then throw in a question about that time period which they may never have thought about before, and it will stimulate them to 'think outside the Mormon underwear'.
It has been found that something along the lines of:
Is it true that you could tell a fellow Mormon in those days by the fact that the men all had a pointy beard and flat crowned hats, and only rode donkeys on Sundays?
From there it is easy to steer the conversation to the concept of being 'set apart from the world' by how one dresses. This is where it can get interesting....
(for amusement sake only, at this point do NOT refill their lemonade, and replace the brownies with some normal saltine crackers and some peanut butter...)
After discussing how dressing different will set them apart from the world, introduce the idea of how it would be even better if they were to continue their evangelizing in your neighborhood by dressing in a manner appropriate with being easily recognized by others as 'being different'. Offer them some clothing items to wear, and suggest wearing a bonnet or a beanie (actually any strange and different item works.) Tell them how you will 'call your neighbors to let them all know that they would be coming to their doors' which will let them see that you are trying to help them in their ministry.
Also point out that if they were to really get the interest of people they meet, they should joyfully shout out a catchy song whenever they encounter someone on the street. Encourage and help them to come up with a song, and lead them in singing it with fervor.
(For further amusement, now that they have wolfed down all the saltine crackers, offer them something to drink, such as a glass of buttermilk or a can of tomato soup.)
A good song would be along the lines of the following, roughly sang to the hit tune from Glen Campbell "I am a Lineman For the County.
"We are the Mormons from the country,
and we walk down your road.
Searching in the sun for another lost soul.
You'll hear us singing on your front steps,
you'll hear us sing a funny song,
Because we're Mormons from the country,
and we're still going strong.
Once they have got the song down, be sure to give them a 'Evangelistic Brownie' to go, and send them on their merry way with their 'new look' and a song to match.
Oh yeah...... Be sure to call your neighbors....... And just as they are leaving your property yell out to them about the rabid dog that was seen roaming the area....
Over to the con man Gene
was I supposed to put FINAL EDIT here?
Last Edit: Mar 11, 2008 14:50:20 GMT -5 by Scott Ross
"Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime."
It is NOT appropriate to serve Mormon missionaries brownies souped up with reefer.
It is commonly known that the majority of Mormon missionaries are virile young men well capable of taking care of themselves. Further, the two years they serve in mission work are meant to (among other things) give them a broad view of the world and enable them to better fill their roles as husbands, fathers, elders, bishops, and shepherds of the flock -- all in preparation for that great and wondrous day when they too can be a god with a creation all their own.
With this backdrop in mind, I submit that the beneficiaries of a visit from those impressionable, handsome young men should certainly NOT serve them brownies souped up with reefer.
Think of the future, I say! Think of the time when these soldiers of the lord will be on their own, will have a wife (or someone) to whom to make love, will have children to feed, a church to lead. They must be trained to be self-sufficient! To think not only of the moment, but of tomorrow! To enjoy not only the dreamy, temporary pleasure of a reefer-laced brownie, but rather the abundant life that comes from endurance, thrift, toil, dedication, and hope.
Consider the grasshopper that concerns itself only with the summer season. When you serve a rugged (but chaste) Mormon missionary brownie souped up with reefer, you cause him to live only for the moment, giving no thought for the future, and the long, cold winter comes bearing great peril.
Consider the ant, who toils all summer long, gathering sustenance for the long winter ahead. Does it partake of brownie souped up with reefer? Of COURSE not, say I. Nor should you serve those innocent, youthful, and comely missionaries brownie souped up with reefer.
Cause not those manly Mormon missionaries, the hot, red blood of youth coursing through their veins, to think only of the moment, but to consider and plan for the future with hope, even as the farmer who plants his grain in the spring, trusting in the power of the lord of all creation to cause life to spring forth from that dying seed.
Do NOT server brownie souped up with reefer to those strong, responsible young men.
Post by Scott Ross on Mar 11, 2008 15:11:50 GMT -5
Well..... Not sure where we should go with this debate, so I'll post how I REALLY feel about the Mormon missionaries that I have encountered.
During my time with the Post Office, I spent several years working 'the windows' selling stamps and accepting packages.
During this time I had the opportunity to get to speak to and interact with several of the 'elders' as they went about their evangelizing. They were far from home in most cases, and were without exception young. There were even a few girls that were out doing this.
All of them were nice kids, and they were all dedicated to what they were doing. I visited with them as they would come to the Post Office, and got to know several of them by name. (easy to do since they had nametags) They would eagerly ask for packages which were sent to them 'General Delivery', and I helped them with their mailing needs.
I worked in two different Post Offices in university towns in Montana (Missoula and Bozeman) so there were several that were there to mingle with those their age and try to reach out to them concerning the Morman religion.
One day in Bozeman I happened to take my lunch when they came in, and so I spent it visiting with a couple of young men about what they were doing. I was really impressed with their zeal for what they were doing, and how they felt it was important that they do it.
As I am sure everyone could tell by my opening post, I was truly jesting about feeding these youg folks any kind of drugs. Not only was I in jest, but I feel very strongly about anyone EVER giving drugs to someone unsuspecting. I have spent plenty of my years around the drug culture in my life, and know how devastating drug dependency can be for an individual. I know of several people who committed suicide while in the grip of their addictions, and how drugs can affect whole families.
Sooooo.... In closing I would like to say that although I got to be the one to defend giving the marijuana brownies out, it is not really a good idea in any way shape or form.
(Now the idea of setting off some stink bombs in a convention tent does hold some appeal....)
This has been fun, and I stand ready to debate other issues if someone wants. I might even be coerced into something actually of value, such as whether bikers can carry the message of Jesus to others while riding.....
Over to my friend Gene......
Evangelistic brownie anyone?
I forgot to add final edit
Last Edit: Mar 15, 2008 0:52:30 GMT -5 by Scott Ross
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