ecarg
New Member
Posts: 9
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Post by ecarg on Oct 26, 2007 11:12:06 GMT -5
This is a simple, back to the basics, thread. Nothing more. It is not an attack on "the truth" or any other religion. It is written because most discussions about sexual abuse end up being about "reporting", "libel", "blaming", "legal issues" "fear", etc... Very few seem to be about education and outreach. I simply want to share from personal experience on this issue.
Ignorance is not bliss. Ignorance is ignorance. A simple lack of knowledge. Hopefully this thread will bring a little knowlege to someone who can use it.
TALK TO YOUR CHILDREN. Your children, grand-children, nieces, nephews, neighborhood kiddos.............etc. If you all will notice, most reported "Sexual abuse" on this board is done by adult survivors. It is not being reported by children. Children usually do not know any better. That's how they are exploited so badly. They expect adults to "have their best interest" at heart. They expect adults to take care of them. That is why so much abuse goes unreported. I often wonder if the children in MN would have ever spoke up, had the Father not caught the perp. That is why this type of abuse is so very wrong. It kills the souls and spirits of children. Some children NEVER get over it. Ever. I deal with sexual abuse victims weekly, and as adults, they STILL battle unworthiness, shame, guilt, dignity issues, addictions, self medicating, and on and on.
Please start talking about and educating on these issues with our children. Simple things like: 1. What is appropriate touching. 2. What is appropriate conversation. 3. What is appropriate time and space spent with adults. 4. What is appropriate play. 5. How to discuss the "icky" feeling inside, that some adults make little children feel.
I remember being educated on the "worldly" things to watch out for. Dances, poker, pool halls, movies, tv, wearing make up, wearing jeans, wearing jewelary, non-professing boys, wearing my hair down, certain books and magazines, ;D But NEVER was I told about improper touching by adults. Had someone just told me, that the "bad" feeling inside, that this adult was making me feel, was just that.............BAD! It could have made a world of difference in my life, and the lives of other young girls, that this man continued to abuse.
That which we fear the most, will come to hurt us the most, if we do not bring the fear into the light. It must be examined and discussed.
I hope this helps just one person, come out of "bliss" and into a better relationship with your children, families and the Body of Christ that you fellwoship with.
Peace and have a Blessed day!
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Post by well written on Oct 26, 2007 13:01:31 GMT -5
Well written ecarg!
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Post by juliette on Oct 26, 2007 23:45:24 GMT -5
Thanks for the thread. Most children now get this education at school. Wouldn't it be great if there were a way to get all parents, grandparents and other caregivers educated about this as well? Because these are the people who are responsible for safeguarding children. I've been shocked at the lack of understanding of this issue among people over 40.
When we met with Lyle and Craig, they seemed to have no idea why I was so upset that Tim had been allowed to roam free for 5 days after he was caught in the act of molestation. My dad didn't seem to understand why I was so upset that he didn't tell me that Tim was in jail for sexual molestation knowing that Tim had spent time alone with my children. I'm not saying these things as attacks, but as an example of how many people simply do not understand the issue of pedophiles and sexual abuse. Apparently, my parents had discussed the issue of Tim and my children, and decided not to tell me because my daughter (the same age as the victim) is such a strong person, and she would tell me if anything had happened.
I think more information about how pedophiles work, how insidious they are, and how if unstopped they will continue to abuse is so important. I also think removing the taboo about talking about these issues is important. People seem to think that if they don't talk about this very ugly problem, it does not exist.
As a parent and the recipient of many, many hours of parenting classes, I thought I was pretty informed about this. But I was SHOCKED when I found out about Tim. Looking back, the signs were there, but many of us happily packed our kids in the back of a pick-up truck last October at convention while Tim took them all down the road to look at the llama farm. There is a tendency to trust the workers, and because of the out of the ordinary place they occupy (not marrying, living with friends) I think it's easier to dismiss behaviors that might seem strange otherwise. For example, if an unmarried (or married man for that matter) seemed very interested in children, playing with them and bringing them to the park, we would get suspicious. But a worker taking a strong interest in children seems to go by without suspicion.
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Post by YES on Oct 26, 2007 23:53:08 GMT -5
Yes, Craig Winquest, right,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,YES?
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Post by juliette on Oct 27, 2007 0:44:05 GMT -5
Yes, the workers who met with us in the MN case were Lyle Shober and Craig Winquist. They are also the ones who went out the letter advising MN families of the Tim Severud case, and advising families of children who had been alone with Tim to talk to their children.
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Post by Focused on Oct 27, 2007 6:56:24 GMT -5
It seems that the major focus here is on sexual abuse of children. This is not the the area where the majority of the abuse takes place. If you are really trying to protect children you need to expand your horizon and look at all abuse cases. Thanks for the thread. Most children now get this education at school. Wouldn't it be great if there were a way to get all parents, grandparents and other caregivers educated about this as well? Because these are the people who are responsible for safeguarding children. I've been shocked at the lack of understanding of this issue among people over 40. When we met with Lyle and Craig, they seemed to have no idea why I was so upset that Tim had been allowed to roam free for 5 days after he was caught in the act of molestation. My dad didn't seem to understand why I was so upset that he didn't tell me that Tim was in jail for sexual molestation knowing that Tim had spent time alone with my children. I'm not saying these things as attacks, but as an example of how many people simply do not understand the issue of pedophiles and sexual abuse. Apparently, my parents had discussed the issue of Tim and my children, and decided not to tell me because my daughter (the same age as the victim) is such a strong person, and she would tell me if anything had happened. I think more information about how pedophiles work, how insidious they are, and how if unstopped they will continue to abuse is so important. I also think removing the taboo about talking about these issues is important. People seem to think that if they don't talk about this very ugly problem, it does not exist. As a parent and the recipient of many, many hours of parenting classes, I thought I was pretty informed about this. But I was SHOCKED when I found out about Tim. Looking back, the signs were there, but many of us happily packed our kids in the back of a pick-up truck last October at convention while Tim took them all down the road to look at the llama farm. There is a tendency to trust the workers, and because of the out of the ordinary place they occupy (not marrying, living with friends) I think it's easier to dismiss behaviors that might seem strange otherwise. For example, if an unmarried (or married man for that matter) seemed very interested in children, playing with them and bringing them to the park, we would get suspicious. But a worker taking a strong interest in children seems to go by without suspicion.
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ecarg
New Member
Posts: 9
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Post by ecarg on Oct 28, 2007 10:45:56 GMT -5
Good Morning Focused, You are absolutely right! We should be talking a harder look at ALL abuse. Physical, mental, spiritual, sexual, emotional. Period. Thank you for the reminder. Sexual abuse seems to be the "hot" topic right now, with the case in MN, so I think that is why the attention is leaning that direction. Juliette, thank you for the information. I work in the public schools and with Religious Education at Church, and this information ( things to look out for ) is being given, but I think the adults in families should still be having these discussions with their children. It should not be assumed that our children "get it" at school. And the communication/relationships need to be worked on. I've noticed that even when children received the info at school, they are still uncomfortable bringing it up within their familes. Parents/guardians need to open the doors of communication first. It takes the pressure off of the little ones. This does not include the large amount of Home Schooled Children either. Thank you for stepping into the ministry that you are doing. e-mail me if you need support/information as you carry on. Scott has my e-mail address. CW was a companion to my abuser. I still think more needs to be investigated along these lines. I'm sorry everyone..............but the issues are not going away. For those arguing about back ground checks. It is a healthy step. It's not the total answer, and pedophiles will continue to slip under the radar, but it is at least one step, to many steps that need to be taken. Peace!
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Post by grades here on Nov 8, 2007 13:59:58 GMT -5
detention time
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Post by huhh on Nov 8, 2007 15:38:38 GMT -5
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Post by kencoolidge on Nov 8, 2007 18:07:33 GMT -5
Ecarg Thanks for your post. Appreciate your attitude and help.
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Post by friend1 on Nov 8, 2007 20:21:21 GMT -5
The ministry of most workers, at least those I have observed, is mostly directed to the older crowd.
When I was a youngster, workers never paid much attention to my brother and I. We tended to look upon them as one might look upon the police. I don't know about any sexual molesting happening at the time, but one especially came across to us a a bit "icky".
Mostly what we feared was the assertive personalities that many had in dealing with us youngsters. So as much as possible, we just stayed as invisible as possible.
Now in my seventh decade, I still have this feeling when they visit us. I just try not to say much, even though I very much respect and admire their way of life.
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