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Post by imconfused on Oct 16, 2007 22:44:07 GMT -5
I quit going to meetings 2 years ago due to a bad marriage. I married a guy who grew up in this way of truth. His family thinks hes perfect, but to me he was physically and verbally abusive towards me. I was brough up worldly and was looking for God in my life, when I met this person , i was more than happy, shortly after we married, he turned into a monster. I left him and he gave me the impression i would never be accepted from the friends for leaving him. HIs family has no idea what he did to me because i just left and i dont think they would believe me. I would never go back to that monster who still today goes to meetings and pretends hes the good person, all friends have pity on him and have no idea what he did to me. I feel like I got a slap in the face. I believed in this was so bad, but what he did to me and how his family ignored how I felt, hurt so bad, I would love to go back to meetings but how ? He made me look like a horrible person, but really its the other way around !
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Post by ithascome on Oct 16, 2007 23:05:17 GMT -5
WHY? You have seen and experienced a product of those meetings... why would you want to go back.
This would be very much like.... The dog is turned to his own vomit again; and the sow that was washed to her wallowing in the mire.
Stay away ... go and be happy.
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therose
Junior Member
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder"
Posts: 135
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Post by therose on Oct 17, 2007 0:42:21 GMT -5
Move forward with your life and know that happiness awaits you. There is love outside the meetings and it sounds as though you need the kindness and love of God more than the favor of those in meetings. God speed.
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Post by diet coke on Oct 17, 2007 9:52:05 GMT -5
the problem with going back to meetings is, the workers are in control. They will tell you where to go and whether you can take part. If you're lucky, you'll be comfortable. If not...tough luck. Others seem to have found a meeting-like atmosphere in small-gathering worships, but I don't know how to direct you...maybe somebody else can help?
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Post by Roy unlogged on Oct 17, 2007 10:15:41 GMT -5
Take a look at www.2x2church.com/ you may also contact the site owner from the Author link.
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Post by For what its worth on Oct 17, 2007 13:03:13 GMT -5
Be prepared if you do return to meetings, that you probably won't be allowed by the workers to take part. I've seen it happen several times. Where in scripture do the workers think it is ok to not allow some to take part? I don't see that to be in line with the way Jesus taught. Just my thoughts for what it is worth...
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Post by IB9ZATI on Oct 17, 2007 13:07:46 GMT -5
I quit going to meetings 2 years ago due to a bad marriage. I married a guy who grew up in this way of truth. His family thinks hes perfect, but to me he was physically and verbally abusive towards me. I was brough up worldly and was looking for God in my life, when I met this person , i was more than happy, shortly after we married, he turned into a monster. I left him and he gave me the impression i would never be accepted from the friends for leaving him. HIs family has no idea what he did to me because i just left and i dont think they would believe me. I would never go back to that monster who still today goes to meetings and pretends hes the good person, all friends have pity on him and have no idea what he did to me. I feel like I got a slap in the face. I believed in this was so bad, but what he did to me and how his family ignored how I felt, hurt so bad, I would love to go back to meetings but how ? He made me look like a horrible person, but really its the other way around ! i dont really buy your version of the story that he is the bad person. sounds to me like you are the one you screwed up and now are on here trying to spin a sympathetic story to get some pple on your side. grow up.
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Post by well on Oct 17, 2007 13:41:30 GMT -5
wow, u just sounded like my ex
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chris
Junior Member
Posts: 90
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Post by chris on Oct 17, 2007 17:20:25 GMT -5
Dear imconfused, Put on your sneakers and RUN as fast as you can. Years ago my neice's marriage started to crumble, oh she married a sweet professing boy who became verbally abusive and all that goes with it. After she had endured more than enough she left. Upon calling the workers to inquire what meeting to go to, she was told "Go back to your husband and you will be sitting next to him in meeting, WHERE YOU BELONG" Needless to say she did not go back but she was accepted(by a loving family) in a little meeting that was close to where she lived. She had been B&R as her husband but history proved her husband was a skunk.
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therose
Junior Member
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder"
Posts: 135
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Post by therose on Oct 17, 2007 17:27:07 GMT -5
Generally, the rule here is that you stay with your husband no matter what - abuse, adultery, whatever. After all, you married him for life and if you a miserable or mistreated, you certainly do not deserve a chance at happiness elsewhere. So, you put up with it to make all in the way happy and content or you move on with your life, be it alone or find someone new - and let God be your judge. HE is the one that truly knows the trials you went through and will be the ultimate redeemer of your soul. No one else and their thoughts on the matter are important. Best to you.
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Post by Brick on Oct 17, 2007 18:28:20 GMT -5
Dear imconfused,
I encourage you to pick a meeting that you want to attend, call the elder and inform him that you will be there for their meeting so they can set a chair out for you. Do NOT ask for permission. By asking for permission, you are giving control to that person. Then attend the meeting. You may be asked to go elsewhere, or given other types of advice (just as I am giving you advice), but remember one thing: it is only advice. You are not compelled to comply. Oh, some controlling people may try hard to manipulate you, and when they do, inform them that you will pray for God to give them a soft and caring spirit that they may obey the commandment that Christ gave his disciples, that "ye love one another as I have loved you."
Best wishes. You are not alone in your situation. I know you may only see those that are opposed to your position, but there are many others just like you or in similar situations that are hoping and praying for you.
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Post by wanttobewithGod on Oct 17, 2007 18:33:13 GMT -5
WHY? You have seen and experienced a product of those meetings... why would you want to go back. This would be very much like.... The dog is turned to his own vomit again; and the sow that was washed to her wallowing in the mire. Stay away ... go and be happy. Wow. I got to the first response before having to comment. By the way, to the op...I"m very sorry for what you've been through..I have been in such a situation myself, though not with someone from the f&w church. I'm sorry and glad you are no longer with this person... To ithascome...oh that makes a LOT of sense what you wrote. Because this person was one of the "friends" that is why he abused? (that was your inference...a "product" of this religion.) PLEASE. What is the excuse of every OTHER man (or woman) who abuses then?? M.
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Post by wingsofaneagle on Oct 17, 2007 20:29:02 GMT -5
I quit going to meetings 2 years ago due to a bad marriage. I married a guy who grew up in this way of truth. His family thinks hes perfect, but to me he was physically and verbally abusive towards me. I was brough up worldly and was looking for God in my life, when I met this person , i was more than happy, shortly after we married, he turned into a monster. I left him and he gave me the impression i would never be accepted from the friends for leaving him. HIs family has no idea what he did to me because i just left and i dont think they would believe me. I would never go back to that monster who still today goes to meetings and pretends hes the good person, all friends have pity on him and have no idea what he did to me. I feel like I got a slap in the face. I believed in this was so bad, but what he did to me and how his family ignored how I felt, hurt so bad, I would love to go back to meetings but how ? He made me look like a horrible person, but really its the other way around ! Wait!!! Did you marry MY EX?? I feel for you hon. Been there, done that! The workers in my situation didn't want the truth even though my lip was the size of an apple. The truth always comes out though and some will apologize and others will not. You have do what is best for you and your situation. Ill PM you.
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Post by ithascome on Oct 17, 2007 20:40:41 GMT -5
What I wrote makes a great deal of since. The males within the 2x2s are taught from early childhood that they are the authority figures whether it be within the meeting or within the marriage. When the males feel that they are losing control they will often become angry and will sometimes become abusive. I have been married for 30 years now... I do not attribute the longevity of my marriage to anything that I was taught within the 2x2 setting. My mother and Dad had a wonderful marriage.... but mom was somewhat of an Edith Bunker (she stifled herself)... but it worked for them... with modern educated women (like my wife) it would never work... I had to learn this. Funny thing though.... once I gave up the control freak stance... my wife became more like my mother.... BUT I would never tell her that. LOL ;D
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Post by ooT on Oct 17, 2007 22:31:34 GMT -5
Can you run that by us again IHC? You didn't seem to answer WTBWG's question about where abuse comes from in non-2x2s.
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Post by ithascome on Oct 17, 2007 22:35:36 GMT -5
Your right... it has nothing to do with this thread IMO... but frankly... I don't know... it could be a lot of different reasons.
But from a 2x2 standpoint I can understand what the original poster of this thread meant when she wrote the following...
"shortly after we married, he turned into a monster."
I married an outsider also... I thought I could get her to profess... when I could not... I turned into a monster also... I was not a very nice person... I was bitter and mean.... I am glad that I have been forgiven. Jesus has saved me.
The workers speak of oxen being unevenly yoked... one pulling one way and the other one the other dirrection.... one will eventually give in to the other or they will have to be separated... It is the truth for sure.... for the 2x2.
It was hard for me but I am glad that I gave in... to Jesus...
"God, I know that I am a sinner. I know that I deserve the consequences of my sin. However, I am trusting in Jesus Christ as my Savior. I believe that His death and resurrection provided for my forgiveness. I trust in Jesus and Jesus alone as my personal Lord and Savior. Thank you Lord, for saving me and forgiving me!
TO: "imconfused" the best that you can do is pray that your ex will some day be saved.... Many F&Ws do not seem to know what that means.... being saved. They think it is something they have to work for but in fact it is a gift freely given.
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Post by Johnny DeRaad on Oct 18, 2007 1:46:44 GMT -5
IHC..I'm gonna borrow this if you don't mind. . ..?
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Post by ooT on Oct 18, 2007 14:27:40 GMT -5
<< I married an outsider also... I thought I could get her to profess... when I could not... I turned into a monster also... I was not a very nice person... I was bitter and mean.... I am glad that I have been forgiven. Jesus has saved me. >>
You weren't living very Biblically, were you? Did anyone in the f&w encourage you to be bitter and mean? You should have pointed out these verses to them:
1 Cor 7:12 If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. 13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband
and this one (in reverse): 1Pet. 3:1 ... Then, even if some refuse to obey the *gospel*, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over 2 by observing your pure and reverent lives.
Workers and friends encourage us to live according to the Bible. If advice they give, or attitudes they express don't line up, it would be well to have some communication with them about that. Or alternatively, just quietly ignore the advice.
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Post by imconfused on Oct 18, 2007 15:07:10 GMT -5
Yes I was an outsider of the church, but I was professing for a year before we got married, When we married, he acted so wonderful in front of everyone. I was reading my bible almost 2 hours day, He only picked up his bible 10 minutes before we had to leave for meetings, so thats about 20 minutes a week. Then the abuse started. I left him before he would do worse to me, and now hes living like going to meetings and making ppl feel sorry for him. Its aweful, Im not looking for sympathy like the one reply stated, Im just wondering how a professing person can do this, and what can I do now. I believe in God .
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Post by Brick on Oct 18, 2007 15:14:23 GMT -5
The males within the 2x2s are taught from early childhood that they are the authority figures whether it be within the meeting or within the marriage. That has not been my experience in the 2x2 way. Maybe this is a regional thing?
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Post by ooT on Oct 18, 2007 17:59:45 GMT -5
imconfused, in your first post you said you would love to go back to meetings. If that is true, there are many people who would be happy to help you find meetings in your area. Just ask people to contact you. I hesitate to do so, without your request, and also don't know where you live. (Best to not say where it is here on the board.)
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Post by ithascome on Oct 18, 2007 19:11:20 GMT -5
Well I thought I was... I was so very self-righteous I do not know too much about the regional thing. It seems there was a lot said about men being ahead of the household and sly jokes about women wanting to wear the pants and men not taking control. I'm not sure ... do women (other than sister workers) ever lead the meetings in other regions. To: imconfused ... maybe subconsciously he did not want a professing woman. So sorry about all the hurt you have experienced... hope all goes well for you in the future.
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