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Post by Jake on Aug 7, 2006 18:23:50 GMT -5
Hey everyone, I need some help. My girlfriend and I are both Christians and we want to live together. Because of our beliefs we wont have sex before marriage. We have total faith in God having chose this partnership so its not a test for the real thing. Due to circumstances we cannot marry or get engaged until next year, but we have said our vows to one another (though with-out witnesses). Can anyone give me scripture to advise me on this? Regards and Thanks
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Post by mrtindrucvionging on Aug 7, 2006 18:41:58 GMT -5
Hey everyone, I need some help. My girlfriend and I are both Christians and we want to live together. Because of our beliefs we wont have sex before marriage. We have total faith in God having chose this partnership so its not a test for the real thing. Due to circumstances we cannot marry or get engaged until next year, but we have said our vows to one another (though with-out witnesses). Can anyone give me scripture to advise me on this? Regards and Thanks Before I attempt to address this scenario, before I go any farther, I would like to know why and/or what the circumstances are that prevent marrying until next year?
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Post by Jake on Aug 7, 2006 18:45:53 GMT -5
Personal matters to do with her family. We would arrange to marry now, and we will as soon as circumstances permit.
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Post by mrtindrucvionging on Aug 7, 2006 19:09:13 GMT -5
Personal matters to do with her family. We would arrange to marry now, and we will as soon as circumstances permit. I respect that this is personal and I will try to find some verses for you...in the meantime, I would encourage you to pray about it... and keep on praying and wait and keep on waiting. I firmly believe that God will show the way..
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Post by withopeneyes (Mandy) on Aug 7, 2006 19:49:14 GMT -5
I read somewhere that "it isn't living together before marriage that raises the chances of divorce, it's dating before marriage". There's a lot of truth to that statement- think about it.
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Post by mrtindrucvionging on Aug 7, 2006 20:16:55 GMT -5
I read somewhere that "it isn't living together before marriage that raises the chances of divorce, it's dating before marriage". There's a lot of truth to that statement- think about it. Sounds a bit like a riddle, like, marriage in and of itself raises the odds of divorce.
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_
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Post by _ on Aug 7, 2006 20:44:09 GMT -5
Hey everyone, I need some help. My girlfriend and I are both Christians and we want to live together. Because of our beliefs we wont have sex before marriage. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!! Sorry there buckaroo, but I STRONGLY doubt you "wont have sex before marriage" if you start shacking up together. With ALL DUE RESPECT, it sounds to me like your trying to justify or make up an excuse to validate your wanted living arrangements in your own mind. If you want to live together before getting married then plan on having sex before you say your vows...
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Post by _ on Aug 7, 2006 20:45:03 GMT -5
Personal matters to do with her family. We would arrange to marry now, and we will as soon as circumstances permit. What on earth could stop two people from going down to the courthouse and getting married?
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Post by thinking4u on Aug 7, 2006 20:51:44 GMT -5
Personal matters to do with her family. We would arrange to marry now, and we will as soon as circumstances permit. What on earth could stop two people from going down to the courthouse and getting married? One not of age OR one or both still married to another person! Just to name a couple...
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Post by tohelputhink on Aug 7, 2006 20:54:56 GMT -5
Hey everyone, I need some help. My girlfriend and I are both Christians and we want to live together. Because of our beliefs we wont have sex before marriage. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!! Sorry there buckaroo, but I STRONGLY doubt you "wont have sex before marriage" if you start shacking up together. With ALL DUE RESPECT, it sounds to me like your trying to justify or make up an excuse to validate your wanted living arrangements in your own mind. If you want to live together before getting married then plan on having sex before you say your vows... Do you really think you have to live together to have sex? Don't you believe there are those who have the disipline to abstain from having sex? Your reality is your world, but that isnt the real reality of all the world!!
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_
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Post by _ on Aug 7, 2006 21:05:03 GMT -5
Strawman argument...
Strawman argument...
Relativism is the tool of the devil
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Post by klmn on Aug 7, 2006 21:07:20 GMT -5
Relativism is the tool of the devil and so are your words
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Post by _ on Aug 7, 2006 21:07:40 GMT -5
Relativism is the tool of the devil and so are your words LOL!
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Post by Justashackup on Aug 7, 2006 21:28:52 GMT -5
If the personal matters having to do with her family eclipse the love and dedication you two feel for one another....... well, if I have to tell you, you wouldn't understand it anyway.
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Post by Troublemaker on Aug 7, 2006 21:31:36 GMT -5
Here's some advice...
Get on your left knee and your right knee and ask the one you can't see and stop thinking with your wee nee.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2006 4:03:41 GMT -5
I see no scriptural virtue in putting something as personal and serious as marriage in the hands of either sectarian religious representatives, or in legal administrative representatives. Taking a person one loves to form a family as man and wife, is a personal matter before each other, and hopefully before God. If there is a genuine personal commitment to each other ... what can be more important?
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Post by Jake on Aug 8, 2006 4:29:56 GMT -5
Hi again, Thank-u to edgar, with eyes open and mrtindrucvionging
other than your comments, much of the advice (and comments) didnt seem to be wholesome, unfortunately no scripture has yet been provided (though some have gone to look for it), I had come on here with the hope of some "fellowship" of sorts, some wise counsel only to be mocked and joked. To me this isnt something I have taken lightly.
For those of your who dont believe in Gods power to help his children abstain, my girlfriend and I both have separate houses at the moment, with no parents/others about to prevent us having sex now. But we dont. Interesting that it was a 2x2 was so convinced that being intimate on an emotional level would mean you couldnt refuse sex. I was brought up in the 2x2 religion and am fully aware that not all of them demonsrate God's power to abstain. "having a form of godliness but denying the power thereof?" I am new to these boards, but I have noticed how the "professing" people posting on it, tend to have (though not always) the most unchristian attitude usually throwing in a unregistered insult before disappearing. Once again Interesting.
To do with my situation neither of us are previously married or underage. Unfortunately it is a private and delicate issue that Im not willing to disclose ever fairly anon on this board. To any one who can give me scripture for either argument I would be thankful,
Jake
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Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2006 5:10:46 GMT -5
Jake, You asked for comments on your concern -- and then weren't satisfied with the responses you got!!!
The advice (which you asked for) that I can give is the following.
"Don't try and evade personal responsibility for your relationship/marriage by hooking it onto some verse of scripture (chosen at will) -- or delegate personal responsibility to some minister or civil authority. Your relationship with your chosen bride is fundamentally yours and hers alone. -- If you can't deal with this yourself, without the advice of a message board, I doubt if you are mature enough for the relationship at all!!!
Don't let fanatic religion distort the relationship with the woman you love!!
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Post by Greg Lee unplugged on Aug 8, 2006 5:16:49 GMT -5
Jacob labored and waited seven years to have Rachel.
Genesis 29:20 And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had to her.
Perhaps you could wait one year before marrying and living together.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2006 6:37:51 GMT -5
If a person chooses to use the old testiment examples, a person can justify whatever on chooses -- multiple wives (as Jacobs father!) -- concubines - -- but there is VERY little to indicate that any particular marriage ceremony was important -- even less in the story of Jesus.
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Post by Greg Lee unplugged on Aug 8, 2006 7:14:00 GMT -5
If a person chooses to use the old testiment examples, a person can justify whatever on chooses -- multiple wives (as Jacobs father!) -- concubines - -- but there is VERY little to indicate that any particular marriage ceremony was important -- even less in the story of Jesus. « Last Edit: Today at 7:41am by EdgarMassey » Well, Edgar, the New Testament tells us that stories of old are written for our edification. But maybe you want to throw that out. And Jesus used events of the Old Testament in his teaching. But maybe you want to throw that out. Maybe we should just run everything by you.
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Post by Brick on Aug 8, 2006 9:11:57 GMT -5
Living together without hanky panky? Can you honestly pray "Deliver me not into temptation?" Don't just leave it up to God. Do your part to deliver yourself. And think on this: You are shacking up. Who do you think will accept that you are not having sex? Do you think ANYONE will accept that? Think of the example that you are setting. You are saying one of two things: Fornication is okay or fornication is a sin but I don't care. If you are professing to be a Christian, you are literally taking God's name in vain by giving the impression that you have no respect for his commandments.
Don't do it.
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Post by mrtindrucvionging on Aug 8, 2006 9:49:56 GMT -5
Living together without hanky panky? Can you honestly pray "Deliver me not into temptation?" Don't just leave it up to God. Do your part to deliver yourself. And think on this: You are shacking up. Who do you think will accept that you are not having sex? Do you think ANYONE will accept that? Think of the example that you are setting. You are saying one of two things: Fornication is okay or fornication is a sin but I don't care. If you are professing to be a Christian, you are literally taking God's name in vain by giving the impression that you have no respect for his commandments. Don't do it. Thanx, Brick for the most straight-forward advice to Christians. It is true that if you 'live together' people will assume that you are having sex. Period. Even if you aren't. And I do believe there is scripture that says we are to avoid even the appearance of wrong. I'll see if I can find it.
I did know a co-worker of mine who lived with her fiance before marrying and she emphatically asserted that they abstained from sex until after they were married. I found it VERY hard to believe and she knew that everyone found it hard to believe and was very open about that, but who am I to say she was lying...?
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Post by mrtindrucvionging on Aug 8, 2006 10:01:11 GMT -5
1Th 5:22 Abstain from all appearance of evil. No problem, Jake. I am professing, but I think outside the box and many professing people I know do. I try not to put anyone in a proverbial box, including the friends. What I have found is that there is a tendency on here to put the friends and workers in a box; and that there are very FEW friends who post here at all...so I would ask that you do not make conclusions about the friends based only upon any negative things you encounter here. My experience has been this: the 'norm' is that the friends are kind and loving people and also humble about their simple ways. They don't exploit, or go around advertising all the wonderful things they are DOING in the world. Seems secretive? Oh well. We don't have to know everything, unless we have control issues. Hey, good luck with your dilemma.
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Post by mrtindrucvionging on Aug 8, 2006 10:10:20 GMT -5
Jacob labored and waited seven years to have Rachel. Genesis 29:20 And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had to her. Perhaps you could wait one year before marrying and living together. Glad you brought this example up, Greg. A good example of what one will do for true love. Although I do believe that Jacob had to WAIT an additional 7 years before he was allowed to marry Rachel, the one he really loved. So a total of fourteen years went by ... can you imagine? BUT!, one of the problems with our society today is that people are impatient, can't wait, and rush into living together or marriage because they just cannot stand to be alone. Sometimes that works and is meant to be and many times it isn't. Look at the divorce rate and the fact that most married men have affairs. ... statistically... .... that is... ....
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Post by withopeneyes (Mandy) on Aug 8, 2006 13:48:17 GMT -5
All in all, it's not for us to decide for this young man. It's ultimately up to him. I'd say it's ultimately up to God, but we all know that sometimes we do things that are against his will.
Is it possible to wait a year, plan your wedding, register for gifts, and enjoy the time before the wedding instead of rushing into the domestic life? You have the rest of your life to enjoy living together. Enjoy dating... and make it a real event. You won't regret it!
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Mrs Emily Tindrucvionging
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Post by Mrs Emily Tindrucvionging on Aug 8, 2006 16:17:56 GMT -5
And Jacob sod potage !
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Post by 2cents on Aug 8, 2006 16:33:27 GMT -5
The only scripture that I have found that seems to give any direction on this is the 1st Corinthians 7:36 But if any man think that he behaveth himself uncomely toward his virgin, if she pass the flower of her age, and need so require, let him do what he will, he sinneth not: let them marry.
In the spirit of the way it is being said here, I wonder if it could be directed at anyone not just the young. If a person feels inclined toward another, let them marry.
I would also agree with "witheyesopen" that you need to enjoy this time you have if you can't get married, to do the dating thing. Getting to know a person is a beautiful process. How they react to things you do and how the don't react is sometimes very telling. I would hesitate to rush into any co-habitation situation for any reason whither there is the s e x ual aspect included in the relationship or not. To me there was a reason for the traditions of dating and all in the past, and I don't think we have evolved past the need to know a person better before we marry them.
So, please take your time, enjoy the company while dating, learn from her, about her, and don't be afraid to share your desires for the future with her. You will not be disappointed if you do and you marry later, and if you don't get married, you will glad you took the time to know her better.
Best of luck.
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