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Post by too bad on Sept 2, 2007 19:11:13 GMT -5
Maybe the workers can't understand being fair. Or the marriage issue in general. But when a couple divorce, workers OFTEN take one side. Usually the one who supports the system the most. Conditional love. Rarely unconditional love. I have seen some real messes.
Especially when children are involved, workers need to be careful about taking sides and promoting slander or gossip.
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Post by withopeneyes (Mandy) on Sept 2, 2007 19:30:22 GMT -5
I think that's part of being human. Usually, one person in the marriage goes to the workers first- and since their side is heard first, they naturally side with that person. When Hubby and I were having marital problems, so many people told me to go to the workers with my problems. I had a hard time with this advice because #1, I wasn't being moved to go to the workers. #2, I felt that two unmarried men (or women for that matter) could have some good advice, but since they had never been married they really didn't completely know what I was going through- therefore most of their advice had not been tested or proved by their OWN experience. While separated, my husband DID decide to go to one of the workers- yet he didn't go in the spirit of slandering me and trying to get the worker on his side- but went to the worker to receive encouragement for HIMSELF as an INDIVIDUAL. This particular worker is a great man and had some wonderful advice. I wonder what he would think if he knew that his great advice and leading through the Word of God is one of the things that helped my husband leave meetings.... not in a negative way, but in a positive way! His encouragement was so helpful in leading my husband to really search out God!
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Post by Nancy on Sept 2, 2007 19:53:08 GMT -5
Having had several friends who have gone through divorces, I find all these posts very amusing.
I have had male friends going through a divorce. I supported them as friends. Knowing them and hearing what they were going through, I ended up feeling as if their wives were real dolles. Grave digging, selfish, heartless dolles to be more specific.
I have had female friends going through divorce as well. I supported them as friends. Knowing them and hearing what they were going through, I ended feeling as if their husbands were real bastards. Non-supportive, selfish, heartless bastards to be more specific.
Honestly folks, we all take a side. Is it the right side? We'll never know. Part of being a friend is being in the corner for someone when they need you. Friends are bias, that's OK. We're just being loyal.
The 2x2 workers and friends are human too. They probably usually side with who they know best. It would be tough to be a worker and have someone come to you in complete emotional devastation, asking for support. If you turn them away you are heartless. If you give a lot of support, you are accused of siding with them.
Divorce sucks for everyone.
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Post by Nancy on Sept 2, 2007 19:55:28 GMT -5
Just read my post and wanted to add a couple things.
When I say that the posts are amusing, I didn't mean in to imply that I don't sympathize with those going through divorce. I sympathize very much. What's amusing is how we all see the side of those we know and the other side is totally at fault. We all do it.
The other thing is that the TMB sensor thought thinks that the word b-i-t-c-h is bad so it changed it in my post to dolles.
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Post by Sylvestra on Sept 2, 2007 21:01:34 GMT -5
You are correct. No one wins in a divorce, and certainly not the children.
When my children were teenagers, and before I quit going to meetings, the kids would go to far away convention meetings or gospel meetings without me. My son told me one time that he was so discouraged because at lot of people would always asked how his dad was doing, but no one asked about me.
You see, I was the one that left and it was obvious to the kids where many people at meeting stood.
There were also people who would not date my kids because we were divorced. It was when I heard these things that I began moving away from the desire to be a meetings. The elders of our little meeting were awesome though!
Best! Edy
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