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Post by Troublemaker on Aug 29, 2007 21:24:53 GMT -5
The Sinner's Question:
I'm overweight and out of shape. How can I lose weight and keep it off? How can I get in shape and stay in shape?
The Christian's Answer:
To improve and maintain your health, eat right and get plenty of exercise. Eat the right foods and watch your portion sizes. Engage in more physical activities and exercise daily. If you need help with discipline or training, join and attend a health club.
The 2x2's Answer:
The only way to lose weight and get in shape is to join Irvine's Gym.
Irvine's Gym features two workout sessions per week and several weekly bonus workout sessions throughout the year. There is also an extended workout session every spring and a 5-day workout session (our trademark marathon event) every fall.
Irvine's Gym has the only certified fitness trainers on earth, guaranteed to help you lose weight and stay in shape. Our fitness trainers are dedicated to your success; They have no family or life of their own; We see to it. They are here 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, working with groups ranging in size from 5 to 50 individuals.
Irvine's Gym offers pre-packaged meals for your convenience. No need to think about what you should be eating. Just grab a box, microwave it, and enjoy a healthy meal from a time-honored recipe.
Irvine's Gym welcomes children. During your workout session, you can put your children in the capable hands of our loving and trustworthy staff. Our fitness trainers absolutely love children because they have none of their own; We see to it.
If you are serious about losing weight and getting in shape, Irvine's Gym is your only option. All the other gyms are cheap imitations of Irvine's Gym, run by rich, greedy con-men looking to further enrich themselves. Don't fall for their hype and don't believe what you read on the internet; If you join their gym, you will just get fatter and more out of shape.
The fine print: Participation in all workout sessions is mandatory; Failure to participate will result in weight gain and muscle deterioration; Habitual failure to participate may result in the involuntary loss of gym membership. Unquestioning compliance with gym and fitness trainer rules is required at all times; Failure to comply without question will result in weight gain and muscle deterioration; Habitual failure to comply without question may result in the involuntary loss of gym membership. Use of the pre-packaged meals sold by Irvine's Gym is mandatory; Questioning the ingredients of these meals is strictly prohibited as is the use of alternate meals or meal plans; Failure to comply in this regard will result in weight gain and muscle deterioration; Habitual failure in this regard may result in the involuntary loss of gym membership. Irvine's Gym assumes no liability for inappropriate contact between it's fitness trainers and your children. Lifetime gym membership is required. Early termination of gym membership will result in instant and gross weight gain and muscle deterioration.
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Post by huh on Aug 29, 2007 21:38:28 GMT -5
what do the trainers say to those who were once fat, but now slim and healthy that have never entered their gym?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 29, 2007 21:51:10 GMT -5
quote - "what do the trainers say to those who were once fat, but now slim and healthy that have never entered their gym?"
They would say that doesn't count. There is righteousness, and there is self righteousness.
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Post by they on Aug 30, 2007 0:02:46 GMT -5
what do the trainers say to those who were once fat, but now slim and healthy that have never entered their gym? they are deceived - they aren't really slim and healthy - they don't know their need because they just *think* they're healthy
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Post by Freedom on Aug 30, 2007 0:57:03 GMT -5
The Sinner's Question:
I'm overweight and out of shape. How can I lose weight and keep it off? How can I get in shape and stay in shape?The Christian's Answer:
To improve and maintain your health, eat right and get plenty of exercise. Eat the right foods and watch your portion sizes. Engage in more physical activities and exercise daily. If you need help with discipline or training, join and attend a health club.What a great parallel! The 2x2's Answer:
The only way to lose weight and get in shape is to join Irvine's Gym.
Irvine's Gym features two workout sessions per week and several weekly bonus workout sessions throughout the year. There is also an extended workout session every spring and a 5-day workout session (our trademark marathon event) every fall.
Irvine's Gym has the only certified fitness trainers on earth, guaranteed to help you lose weight and stay in shape. Our fitness trainers are dedicated to your success; They have no family or life of their own; We see to it. They are here 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, working with groups ranging in size from 5 to 50 individuals.
Irvine's Gym offers pre-packaged meals for your convenience. No need to think about what you should be eating. Just grab a box, microwave it, and enjoy a healthy meal from a time-honored recipe.
Irvine's Gym welcomes children. During your workout session, you can put your children in the capable hands of our loving and trustworthy staff. Our fitness trainers absolutely love children because they have none of their own; We see to it.
If you are serious about losing weight and getting in shape, Irvine's Gym is your only option. All the other gyms are cheap imitations of Irvine's Gym, run by rich, greedy con-men looking to further enrich themselves. Don't fall for their hype and don't believe what you read on the internet; If you join their gym, you will just get fatter and more out of shape.
The fine print: Participation in all workout sessions is mandatory; Failure to participate will result in weight gain and muscle deterioration; Habitual failure to participate may result in the involuntary loss of gym membership. Unquestioning compliance with gym and fitness trainer rules is required at all times; Failure to comply without question will result in weight gain and muscle deterioration; Habitual failure to comply without question may result in the involuntary loss of gym membership. Use of the pre-packaged meals sold by Irvine's Gym is mandatory; Questioning the ingredients of these meals is strictly prohibited as is the use of alternate meals or meal plans; Failure to comply in this regard will result in weight gain and muscle deterioration; Habitual failure in this regard may result in the involuntary loss of gym membership. Irvine's Gym assumes no liability for inappropriate contact between it's fitness trainers and your children. Lifetime gym membership is required. Early termination of gym membership will result in instant and gross weight gain and muscle deterioration.
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Post by Troublemaker on Aug 30, 2007 10:23:07 GMT -5
Thank you. I've been using it for years and thought it might be time to share it on the TMB.
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Post by kayizzle on Aug 30, 2007 13:02:55 GMT -5
hahahahahahahahahahaha
this is great ;D
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the gymn of no name
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Post by the gymn of no name on Aug 30, 2007 14:47:33 GMT -5
If the 2x2s owned a gymn they probably wouldn't call it Irvine's Gym - they probably wouldn't give it a name at all - but this wouldn't be far from their rules
the only way to lose weight - tee hee
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Post by Deleted on Aug 31, 2007 5:39:10 GMT -5
The Sinner's Question:
I'm overweight and out of shape. How can I lose weight and keep it off? How can I get in shape and stay in shape?
The Christian's Answer:
To improve and maintain your health, eat right and get plenty of exercise. Eat the right foods and watch your portion sizes. Engage in more physical activities and exercise daily. If you need help with discipline or training, join and attend a health club.
The exes Answer:
The only way to lose weight and get in shape is to join the Anything Goes Church (AGC.)
The AGC can have a session per week, if you want it, or you can just turn up for Christmas celebrations! They don’t take themselves too seriously! The Church has certified (or even non-certified) fitness trainers, and for those who don’t have the inclination, you will be assured that being fit once is to be fit forever!
Guaranteed to help you lose weight and stay in shape. You will shed dollars! Our fitness trainers are dedicated to your success, despite the rigors of their family life, holidays and investment portfolios!
The AGC gym offers pre-packaged meals for your convenience. A McDonald’s store is on site. The gym caters to Hindu, Muslim and Buddhist cuisine also! No need to think about what you should be eating –just grab a box, microwave it, and enjoy a healthy meal from a multi-cultural, pluralist or born-yesterday recipe.
If you are serious about feeling almost as good as if you have lost weight and gained shape, AGC is your only option.
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The Real exes answer
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Post by The Real exes answer on Aug 31, 2007 7:54:16 GMT -5
The Sinner's Question:I'm overweight and out of shape. How can I lose weight and keep it off? How can I get in shape and stay in shape? The Christian's Answer:To improve and maintain your health, eat right and get plenty of exercise. Eat the right foods and watch your portion sizes. Engage in more physical activities and exercise daily. If you need help with discipline or training, join and attend a health club.The exes Answer:
The only way to lose weight and get in shape is to join the Anything Goes Church (AGC.)
The AGC can have a session per week, if you want it, or you can just turn up for Christmas celebrations! They don’t take themselves too seriously! The Church has certified (or even non-certified) fitness trainers, and for those who don’t have the inclination, you will be assured that being fit once is to be fit forever!
Guaranteed to help you lose weight and stay in shape. You will shed dollars! Our fitness trainers are dedicated to your success, despite the rigors of their family life, holidays and investment portfolios!
The AGC gym offers pre-packaged meals for your convenience. A McDonald’s store is on site. The gym caters to Hindu, Muslim and Buddhist cuisine also! No need to think about what you should be eating –just grab a box, microwave it, and enjoy a healthy meal from a multi-cultural, pluralist or born-yesterday recipe.
If you are serious about feeling almost as good as if you have lost weight and gained shape, AGC is your only option. The exes Answer: So called exes are really not exes since they have joined the real Church of Christ which does not practice bigotry in the Fitness area. We believe Truth in the Grace of God Through Jesus who is the Jesus of the 2nd person of the Godhead--hence not a false Jesus and thus our Fitness is fully covered(B) The only way to lose weight and get in shape is to join the Anything Goes Church (AGC.) We really do not belong to the AGC but as detailed above are in the real Church of Christ having communion with all called Children of God. One exception to this is the Only Way Training Centers (OWTC's). They believe they are exempt from the Fitness Traning Grace and as such don't want our Trainers there for fear of show them a better plan.
(B) The AGC can have a session per week, if you want it, or you can just turn up for Christmas celebrations! They don’t take themselves too seriously! The Church has certified (or even non-certified) fitness trainers, and for those who don’t have the inclination, you will be assured that being fit once is to be fit forever! No we live out lives in daily Fitness prayer to our Lord and do not just make a show of Sunday morning HOUSE or weekly rented movement vibrator rooms. Ours is a consistent daily walk in Christ to the fuller understanding of just who Jesus is. Our fitness is not determined by works since it profits little. We place more emphasis on the Spiritual Fitness then the outward appearances. Our Trainers know in the fuller knowledge of who Jesus really is, and that keeps us in his hand. In this will find the Fitness Blessings in Christ based on total trust in the full plan and not just appearance. Out Fitness Trainers start from the inside and work out. Hence, our fitness will be molded by the Potter.(B) Guaranteed to help you lose weight and stay in shape. You will shed dollars! Our fitness trainers are dedicated to your success, despite the rigors of their family life, holidays and investment portfolios! No our fitness is not dependent on shed dollars. Our fitness trainers are dedicated to Gods word and as such are also committed in the Love of Christ for our success despite the false outlooks of many outsiders who place their fitness success on the outward coverings such to hide the real failures of their programs of unfruitful work exercises.
(B) The AGC gym offers pre-packaged meals for your convenience. A McDonald’s store is on site. The gym caters to Hindu, Muslim and Buddhist cuisine also! No need to think about what you should be eating –just grab a box, microwave it, and enjoy a healthy meal from a multi-cultural, pluralist or born-yesterday recipe. Nope our fitness trainers don't have prepackage fitness meals with the exception of sound scriptural fitness Doctrine which is written down for all and not hidden. We have no restaurants on site since it is the responsibility for each to prepare their supper according to the Lords Fitness Words. Yes we will welcome all people because they are Gods creation. It is our fitness trainers responsibility to teach and preach to all creatures in the world. It is our fitness trainers responsibility to feed even the lowest and lost.
Our fitness trainers only give of the Master best, but even sometimes the crumbs from the table feed the visitors. The complete health is the goal of our fitness trainers and they do not feel the need to belittle out of shape visitors because they have not yet reached the goal of healthy intake. Some of the Only Way Training centers feed the outsiders rotten meat because they do not think they are worthy. Those only way trainers believe that they can only speak openly to visitors when they (the visitors) put on the false covering which will hide who they are. (B) If you are serious about feeling almost as good as if you have lost weight and gained shape, AGC is your only option. It is not a question of just feeling good like the Only Way Training Centers (OWTC's) which place the emphasis on just looking and pretending such that they feel good. Our Fitness Trainers do not ascribe to any type of AGC format such as the false put on the look and pretend OWTC. Our fitness trainers have only one Option and that is, Sound Spiritual Fitness Doctrine as detailed for all men by the Lord Jesus Christ. Our Fitness Trainers do not have multiple opinions as the (OWTC) but are consistent with full understanding and in agreement with the detailed Fitness doctrines of GOD. We put our hope in HIM since HE will not abandon us if we fail. This is not true with the (OWTC) since they really don't know what they should do for proper fitness. Each fitness trainer in the OWTC has a different plan and non are consistent. They are quick to kick out of the OWTC anyone who does not put on the outer Fitness Look and pretend that their plan is working
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berts strawman arguments
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Post by berts strawman arguments on Aug 31, 2007 9:00:09 GMT -5
Sorry bert, but your continuous use of strawman arguments does not work.
Quit using extreme examples so you can knock them down (as well as imply that exes fit your "extreme" molds).
You are no closer to heaven than any other person on this earth, bert. I'm sorry that you are unable to see it that way. I'm sorry that you have to knock others down in order to elevate yourself. I'm sorry you are so bigoted, spiritually.
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Post by las logged out on Aug 31, 2007 9:10:01 GMT -5
Bert do you believe that Jesus was a pattern preacher?
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Post by give it up on Aug 31, 2007 16:27:36 GMT -5
Bert just doesn't get it.
Advocating that a particular fitness club is the *ONLY* way to stay physically fit is no nuttier than Bert's insistence that the so-called "Truth" church is the only means by which people can obtain salvation.
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Post by Sylvestra on Aug 31, 2007 16:39:08 GMT -5
Sorry bert, but your continuous use of strawman arguments does not work. Quit using extreme examples so you can knock them down (as well as imply that exes fit your "extreme" molds). You are no closer to heaven than any other person on this earth, bert. I'm sorry that you are unable to see it that way. I'm sorry that you have to knock others down in order to elevate yourself. I'm sorry you are so bigoted, spiritually. Gasp! The Emperor has no clothes comes to mind! E
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Post by Johnny DeRaad on Aug 31, 2007 16:42:37 GMT -5
[ Early termination of gym membership will result in instant and gross weight gain and muscle deterioration.[/size][/color][/quote]
....Hmmmnn..I have put on a few pounds lately.. .here I thought it was all the good cookin' I've enjoyed!!
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Post by ken coolidge on Aug 31, 2007 17:05:23 GMT -5
Perhaps Bert is on the road to Damascus??? All things according to Gods Planning not ours
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