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Post by déjà vu on Jul 14, 2014 21:13:25 GMT -5
Our neighbor's comment after attending a friends funeral "This was the most impersonal funeral we ever attended," do you find this in general? (they are used to attend a " celebration of life"
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Post by snow on Jul 14, 2014 23:03:56 GMT -5
Our neighbor's comment after attending a friends funeral "This was the most impersonal funeral we ever attended," do you find this in general? (they are used to attend a " celebration of life" I would have to agree with that observation. I attended 2x2 funerals all my life and then I went to my aunts Celebration of life. Wow, what a difference. It was the most beautiful celebration of her life, her achievements, what made her special to everyone. It made you remember her for the person she was and the person saw her as. Then I attended another 2x2 funeral, for my mom. No comparison. All they could talk about was when she professed, how she stayed in the 'way'. Nothing really personal. The only funeral I went to that actually spoke about the person other then their 2x2 attributes was my father's funeral. That was because I wrote up something about his life. To their credit, they asked me to do that. Thought that was wonderful.
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Post by withlove on Jul 22, 2014 19:28:11 GMT -5
Our neighbor's comment after attending a friends funeral "This was the most impersonal funeral we ever attended," do you find this in general? (they are used to attend a " celebration of life" I would have to agree with that observation. I attended 2x2 funerals all my life and then I went to my aunts Celebration of life. Wow, what a difference. It was the most beautiful celebration of her life, her achievements, what made her special to everyone. It made you remember her for the person she was and the person saw her as. Then I attended another 2x2 funeral, for my mom. No comparison. All they could talk about was when she professed, how she stayed in the 'way'. Nothing really personal. The only funeral I went to that actually spoke about the person other then their 2x2 attributes was my father's funeral. That was because I wrote up something about his life. To their credit, they asked me to do that. Thought that was wonderful. That sounds wonderful, snow. I agree with your neighbor, too, W.Tell. Funerals are special b/c people are soft and loving and have real grief. It didn't occur to me that F&W funerals were impersonal when I was growing up b/c there was all that care and emotion. But later I started to realize what a missed opportunity those funerals are. They are almost entirely just gospel meetings. Someone gives his life and everything to this way and in the end they have two sentences to say about him. That makes sense if you're writing the Bible and trying to fit everything in, but in real-time, why not spend a little more time on the person? I've wondered in the last few years how I could get away with a more personal funeral if one of my loved ones dies. Isn't the funeral supposed to be for the grieving people left behind...to comfort and remind them of the good things they loved about the person? It's kind of like when people get married and the well-wishing they get is along the lines of: pray and edify each other and have a clean, open home. Like that is the entirety of marriage, or the rest doesn't matter. That said, I've also been to non-F&W funerals that felt much the same way--about the church and not the person. One was entirely about the person but it was like a worship service for his accomplishments.
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Post by Annan on Jul 22, 2014 20:10:28 GMT -5
I was quite upset at my grandmother's funeral as it seemed to be nothing more than a preaching opportunity for the workers. When I mentioned how I felt to my father, he said that it is important to get the message across at a funeral that someday we all will face our maker and that a funeral should serve as a time of personal reflection. As kids, every time my sister and I would ask for money to go to a dance at the town community center, we had to listen to a lecture about how the Bible says it is better to go to a house of mourning than a house of gaiety as it is important to reflect on our end and be ready to face God at any time as we don't know when our end will come. I actually asked my dad a few days ago if he ever finds any joy in his relationship with God. He didn't answer me. My parents have both said that they do not want a funeral. They have pre-paid cremation arrangements. Suits me fine. Then I won't have to throw anyone out of the service. Seriously. And the workers aren't the most pressing concern. We have a Baptist preacher uncle.
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Post by Annan on Jul 22, 2014 20:14:47 GMT -5
...I've also been to non-F&W funerals that felt much the same way--about the church and not the person. One was entirely about the person but it was like a worship service for his accomplishmentsI've been to a few funerals where I had to stop and ask myself if I was at the right funeral chapel. Either the preacher didn't know the deceased at all, or the deceased was living a double life as a generous, kind, loving person who walked hand in hand with their savior.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 22, 2014 23:43:00 GMT -5
Wishing to be fair, how many of those reading this thread have been asked to conduct a funeral that none wanted to do? I have, and on several occasions. It is not an easy thing to do/accomplish. And no, I did not accept one cent for participating in those responsibilities, and none told me my words were of no comfort to the family, rather just the opposite.
For those so opposed to what may have been expressed that displeased them, I am very sorry for your unhappy experience. Please, just don't tar all who attempt to do what they can with the same brush.
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Post by withlove on Jul 23, 2014 7:59:03 GMT -5
Tbh, I usually did get something out of the funerals even when the deceased isn't mentioned much, for the same reason I got/get something out of gospel meetings. So there is that kind of comfort, however unrelated to the person it may be. I've felt sorry for the family usually b/c of the impersonal nature, but hasn't bothered me overly until it is my own family and then it's hard to not be upset.
I can't blame anyone for it...it's just a format that could use tweaking...what Ross mentioned sounds lovely.
Also to be pitied are the workers or any ministers who are busy with their usual schedules of meetings and visits having to scramble to rearrange and think about something to say with little time and often with little knowledge of the person. Sorry for not acknowledging that.
It's tough for family to prepare something to say when they are in the middle of planning the essentials for the event and dealing with grief. News outlets try to keep updated versions of obituaries of famous people who are still living so that when the death occurs, they are not scrambling to produce an accurate one. I've thought from time to time that it would be good to start writing down things about my loved ones. It makes me appreciate them more while they are living, too.
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Post by sharingtheriches on Jul 23, 2014 11:50:51 GMT -5
I would have to agree with that observation. I attended 2x2 funerals all my life and then I went to my aunts Celebration of life. Wow, what a difference. It was the most beautiful celebration of her life, her achievements, what made her special to everyone. It made you remember her for the person she was and the person saw her as. Then I attended another 2x2 funeral, for my mom. No comparison. All they could talk about was when she professed, how she stayed in the 'way'. Nothing really personal. The only funeral I went to that actually spoke about the person other then their 2x2 attributes was my father's funeral. That was because I wrote up something about his life. To their credit, they asked me to do that. Thought that was wonderful. That sounds wonderful, snow. I agree with your neighbor, too, W.Tell. Funerals are special b/c people are soft and loving and have real grief. It didn't occur to me that F&W funerals were impersonal when I was growing up b/c there was all that care and emotion. But later I started to realize what a missed opportunity those funerals are. They are almost entirely just gospel meetings. Someone gives his life and everything to this way and in the end they have two sentences to say about him. That makes sense if you're writing the Bible and trying to fit everything in, but in real-time, why not spend a little more time on the person? I've wondered in the last few years how I could get away with a more personal funeral if one of my loved ones dies. Isn't the funeral supposed to be for the grieving people left behind...to comfort and remind them of the good things they loved about the person? It's kind of like when people get married and the well-wishing they get is along the lines of: pray and edify each other and have a clean, open home. Like that is the entirety of marriage, or the rest doesn't matter. That said, I've also been to non-F&W funerals that felt much the same way--about the church and not the person. One was entirely about the person but it was like a worship service for his accomplishments. You've said it quite well. A couple of weeks ago, my cousin passed away suddenly...and in helping his widow and daughter plan the funeral, his widow said she did NOT want the workers to have ti because she did NOT want a gospel meeting. So she had a cousin who did funerals some, he wasn't an ordained minister, but just a very feeling and gentle man. He didn't say much other then what he'd himself knew about my cousin and then he spent the rest of the time reading some things that my cousin's daughters had written about or for him.....and surprisingly and I don't know how this happened, the two sister workers who slipped into the funeral the oldest one was asked to pray. She did and it was mostly about things one would pray about for a gospel meeting...she apparently felt compelled to preach about the "hope" etc......My sister was the one who brought all of that about about....she wasn't satisfied until she got a worker worked in there somehow! I had told her to cool it because I could have gotten ahold of the workers for the widow IF she'd wanted them, but the widow did NOT want them. And I also told her that the funerals were for the survivors and that she should go with things that she and the daughters could live with. A five min. prayer was obtained any way! I noticed the widow wasn't as open with my sis as she usually had been....so something went down....and we were talking about another instance and I told the widow my sister had no compassion with sick, injured, ignorant or slow folks....the widow agreed and said she didn't have patience either! I know some people who have professing deceased folks are asking the workers NOT to preach a gospel sermon and not to preach over a set amount of time...usually 15 mins. That leaves 15 mins. for the rest of the service and that is about normal..... I did have a "life celebration" planned for my aunt when she passed on. She'd had a full funeral where my sis lived and when they brought her ashes her I made it possible to try and celebrate her life. I noted that both the brothers that I'd spoken to and hadn't been sure either of them would have come, but both did...they both spoke on things that are in the bible that bring joy to the committed persons. And they didn't say anything directly of my aunt..other then one said he'd known her over 50 years and had been in her home before going into the work and how much good times were had there and all...the good fellowship with a like believer. That was an alright sermon...the rest was much like we'd hear in a Sun. a.m. mtg.
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Archie
Junior Member
Non,je ne regrette rein!!!!
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Post by Archie on Jul 24, 2014 6:32:00 GMT -5
This week, my family laid our father to rest and I must say it was the coldest funeral I have ever attended. The Workers officiating , were told all about my Dad,The hymns he choose, the poem he wrote ect.
But none of this was said during his service. The word that come to mind is Amateurish. There were "outsider's " attending and those who I knew very well, said how cold and unfeeling the service was , but thanks to the slideshow I had on display, was the only bit personalising there.
Yes, I agree with the quotes above , but one would think that the Worker's would emphasise the fact that my parents had a 55year committed marriage , that my Dad was steadfast to the end , was an example to all who he met….. Thus emphasising on the sermon they then preached to us attending the service.
but no.
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Post by snow on Jul 24, 2014 10:35:11 GMT -5
This week, my family laid our father to rest and I must say it was the coldest funeral I have ever attended. The Workers officiating , were told all about my Dad,The hymns he choose, the poem he wrote ect. But none of this was said during his service. The word that come to mind is Amateurish. There were "outsider's " attending and those who I knew very well, said how cold and unfeeling the service was , but thanks to the slideshow I had on display, was the only bit personalising there. Yes, I agree with the quotes above , but one would think that the Worker's would emphasise the fact that my parents had a 55year committed marriage , that my Dad was steadfast to the end , was an example to all who he met….. Thus emphasising on the sermon they then preached to us attending the service. but no. I'm sorry that was how your father's funeral turned out. My mom's was like that too. No mention of her life other than she was devoted to God and the Truth. Was a gospel meeting. I was never asked to provide anything like they did for my dad's funeral. They never acknowledged the family as grieving, nothing. So they do vary.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2014 11:02:54 GMT -5
Archie and Snow, others with the same experience: I am sad and filled with sorrow that such was your experience. I remember when an older woman worker we had known well, got up at Ylva's memorial service and started in praising Ylva's parents for their wealth and hospitality and keeping true up to the very end and denying she even knew Ylva well. What a lie! It was solely spoken as a warning for the 2&2ers attending, was revolting and literally sickening. So it is easy to empathize with you folks.
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Post by snow on Jul 24, 2014 11:27:24 GMT -5
Archie and Snow, others with the same experience: I am sad and filled with sorrow that such was your experience. I remember when an older woman worker we had known well, got up at Ylva's memorial service and started in praising Ylva's parents for their wealth and hospitality and keeping true up to the very end and denying she even knew Ylva well. What a lie! It was solely spoken as a warning for the 2&2ers attending, was revolting and literally sickening. So it is easy to empathize with you folks. Dennis, it wasn't that the sister worker that took mom's funeral didn't know her for a long time and well. She was around when I was young and was a problem for any young girl. She was just a young sister worker back then who took her job very seriously, to criticize all the young girls for just about anything. She tried with me, but because I was no longer professing she finally gave up because she realized I didn't fear her, didn't respect her and couldn't have cared less what she had to say about anything. So not too surprising she gave a gospel meeting at mom's.
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Post by withlove on Jul 24, 2014 15:07:11 GMT -5
Sorry for everyone's experiences, and for Archie's and Sharon's recent losses. It would be nice if people decided with their families in advance what kind of memorial service, if any, they should have, and write that down. I have a good idea of what my parents want, but not sure the rest of the family knows. Still wouldn't prevent the sneaky sister and the speakers disregarding the notes, though.
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Post by faune on Jul 24, 2014 16:07:42 GMT -5
Archie and Snow, others with the same experience: I am sad and filled with sorrow that such was your experience. I remember when an older woman worker we had known well, got up at Ylva's memorial service and started in praising Ylva's parents for their wealth and hospitality and keeping true up to the very end and denying she even knew Ylva well. What a lie! It was solely spoken as a warning for the 2&2ers attending, was revolting and literally sickening. So it is easy to empathize with you folks. Dennis, it wasn't that the sister worker that took mom's funeral didn't know her for a long time and well. She was around when I was young and was a problem for any young girl. She was just a young sister worker back then who took her job very seriously, to criticize all the young girls for just about anything. She tried with me, but because I was no longer professing she finally gave up because she realized I didn't fear her, didn't respect her and couldn't have cared less what she had to say about anything. So not too surprising she gave a gospel meeting at mom's. Snow ~ I'm glad to see you didn't let the workers control you by their guilt trips when you were young either. I can understand the funeral routine and how these same people would not be very respectful.
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Post by snow on Jul 24, 2014 16:12:56 GMT -5
Dennis, it wasn't that the sister worker that took mom's funeral didn't know her for a long time and well. She was around when I was young and was a problem for any young girl. She was just a young sister worker back then who took her job very seriously, to criticize all the young girls for just about anything. She tried with me, but because I was no longer professing she finally gave up because she realized I didn't fear her, didn't respect her and couldn't have cared less what she had to say about anything. So not too surprising she gave a gospel meeting at mom's. Snow ~ I'm glad to see you didn't let the workers control you by their guilt trips when you were young either. I can understand the funeral routine and how these same people would not be very respectful I don't know. Maybe it's just me. But with something this sensitive, serious and intimate, you'd think if you didn't know what you were doing, you wouldn't do it. Workers if they aren't comfortable with doing funerals shouldn't do funerals. It's not about them, it's about the grieving family. They are supposed to be in the role of comforting. When that doesn't happen it's a hard funeral for the family. I have had two different types in the 2x2's. One that comforted and one that was so cold I felt I needed an ice pick.
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Post by biskit on Jul 25, 2014 20:03:40 GMT -5
I have found all the many funerals I have attended conducted by workers to be impersonal. I was particularly saddened by the words of a worker who spoke at a funeral of a non-professing man but whose wife was professing. The worker's only words about the deceased were that the man had allowed God's servants into his home and therefore God would take this into account when he was judged.
Archie, I was sorry to hear your experience. I have written before on this forum about my concerns for my father's funeral. He is still alive but very elderly and we know that his time is now limited. I was becoming stressed at the thought of a 2x2 funeral and wondered whether I would be even able to attend. I have since resolved my dilemma by holding a absolutely brilliant "this is your life" party for him with over 120 guests and going through his whole life story with different speakers (professing and non-professing) talking about him through the stages of his life. It was a powerful and moving celebration and the best bit is that he got to be part of it. I feel more at ease now and will find my own way to say goodbye when the time comes.
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Post by Annan on Jul 25, 2014 20:14:51 GMT -5
Archie, I was sorry to hear your experience. I have written before on this forum about my concerns for my father's funeral. He is still alive but very elderly and we know that his time is now limited. I was becoming stressed at the thought of a 2x2 funeral and wondered whether I would be even able to attend. I have since resolved my dilemma by holding a absolutely brilliant "this is your life" party for him with over 120 guests and going through his whole life story with different speakers (professing and non-professing) talking about him through the stages of his life. It was a powerful and moving celebration and the best bit is that he got to be part of it. I feel more at ease now and will find my own way to say goodbye when the time comes. How wonderful, biskit. You brought tears to my eyes.
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Post by snow on Jul 25, 2014 22:48:07 GMT -5
I have found all the many funerals I have attended conducted by workers to be impersonal. I was particularly saddened by the words of a worker who spoke at a funeral of a non-professing man but whose wife was professing. The worker's only words about the deceased were that the man had allowed God's servants into his home and therefore God would take this into account when he was judged. Archie, I was sorry to hear your experience. I have written before on this forum about my concerns for my father's funeral. He is still alive but very elderly and we know that his time is now limited. I was becoming stressed at the thought of a 2x2 funeral and wondered whether I would be even able to attend. I have since resolved my dilemma by holding a absolutely brilliant "this is your life" party for him with over 120 guests and going through his whole life story with different speakers (professing and non-professing) talking about him through the stages of his life. It was a powerful and moving celebration and the best bit is that he got to be part of it. I feel more at ease now and will find my own way to say goodbye when the time comes. What a wonderful idea.
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Post by withlove on Jul 26, 2014 0:25:32 GMT -5
So wonderful!
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tom
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Post by tom on Jul 26, 2014 3:51:06 GMT -5
This week, my family laid our father to rest and I must say it was the coldest funeral I have ever attended. The Workers officiating , were told all about my Dad,The hymns he choose, the poem he wrote ect. But none of this was said during his service. The word that come to mind is Amateurish. There were "outsider's " attending and those who I knew very well, said how cold and unfeeling the service was , but thanks to the slideshow I had on display, was the only bit personalising there. Yes, I agree with the quotes above , but one would think that the Worker's would emphasise the fact that my parents had a 55year committed marriage , that my Dad was steadfast to the end , was an example to all who he met….. Thus emphasising on the sermon they then preached to us attending the service. but no. Archie Wondering whysomeone in your family circle did not have a part in the funeral and say all the special things you wanted said about your father and just leave the spiritual side to the workers. This sort of service is quite common in nz now and it takes the responsibility away from the workers to get the right balance. Left entirely to the workers,I agree, they can sometimes be very impersonal.
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Archie
Junior Member
Non,je ne regrette rein!!!!
Posts: 64
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Post by Archie on Jul 26, 2014 7:32:07 GMT -5
This week, my family laid our father to rest and I must say it was the coldest funeral I have ever attended. The Workers officiating , were told all about my Dad,The hymns he choose, the poem he wrote ect. But none of this was said during his service. The word that come to mind is Amateurish. There were "outsider's " attending and those who I knew very well, said how cold and unfeeling the service was , but thanks to the slideshow I had on display, was the only bit personalising there. Yes, I agree with the quotes above , but one would think that the Worker's would emphasise the fact that my parents had a 55year committed marriage , that my Dad was steadfast to the end , was an example to all who he met….. Thus emphasising on the sermon they then preached to us attending the service. but no. Archie Wondering whysomeone in your family circle did not have a part in the funeral and say all the special things you wanted said about your father and just leave the spiritual side to the workers. This sort of service is quite common in nz now and it takes the responsibility away from the workers to get the right balance. Left entirely to the workers,I agree, they can sometimes be very impersonal. In hindsight , I wish i had got up and said all that the Worker did not say. But Mum would not have wanted that and the Workers were told of Dads legacy , but for whatever reason , they choose not to mention it. Life celebrations are slowly being part of funerals here in Aus. My Mum didn't want the DVD I made , shown , but then okayed it ,only if it did not take away from the Workers service. Mum was happy with their service so that is that. So I can only be thankful , Dad is at peace.
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Post by dmmichgood on Jul 26, 2014 16:57:32 GMT -5
This week, my family laid our father to rest and I must say it was the coldest funeral I have ever attended. The Workers officiating , were told all about my Dad,The hymns he choose, the poem he wrote ect. But none of this was said during his service. The word that come to mind is Amateurish. There were "outsider's " attending and those who I knew very well, said how cold and unfeeling the service was , but thanks to the slideshow I had on display, was the only bit personalising there. Yes, I agree with the quotes above , but one would think that the Worker's would emphasise the fact that my parents had a 55year committed marriage , that my Dad was steadfast to the end , was an example to all who he met….. Thus emphasising on the sermon they then preached to us attending the service. but no. Archie Wondering whysomeone in your family circle did not have a part in the funeral and say all the special things you wanted said about your father and just leave the spiritual side to the workers. This sort of service is quite common in nz now and it takes the responsibility away from the workers to get the right balance. Left entirely to the workers,I agree, they can sometimes be very impersonal. I agree that the family have a part themselves. I did that with my mother and our children & I did that with my husband.
However, not everyone feels comfortable in standing up and doing that on such a personal level. The workers should have listened to the family.
One of my sons put up the drawing he had recently done of his father. The other son recited poet Dylan Thomas's poem, [i]"Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night." I recited a poem my husband would recite "Abou Ben Adhem " by Leigh Hunt.
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Post by dmmichgood on Jul 26, 2014 17:02:32 GMT -5
I have found all the many funerals I have attended conducted by workers to be impersonal. I was particularly saddened by the words of a worker who spoke at a funeral of a non-professing man but whose wife was professing. The worker's only words about the deceased were that the man had allowed God's servants into his home and therefore God would take this into account when he was judged. Archie, I was sorry to hear your experience. I have written before on this forum about my concerns for my father's funeral. He is still alive but very elderly and we know that his time is now limited. I was becoming stressed at the thought of a 2x2 funeral and wondered whether I would be even able to attend. I have since resolved my dilemma by holding a absolutely brilliant "this is your life" party for him with over 120 guests and going through his whole life story with different speakers (professing and non-professing) talking about him through the stages of his life. It was a powerful and moving celebration and the best bit is that he got to be part of it. I feel more at ease now and will find my own way to say goodbye when the time comes. What a wonderful idea!
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Post by dmmichgood on Jul 26, 2014 17:12:16 GMT -5
What is probably the best would be for the family to decide who & how the funeral be conducted. It is their family after all. They shouldn't feel that they need to just turn it over to the workers.
Of course in this process, they should also take into consideration what the person would have wanted as well.
My husband had listed who he wanted to sing and that whatever workers in the area to conduct the funeral.
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Post by christiansburg on Aug 3, 2014 16:24:45 GMT -5
Archie and Snow, others with the same experience: I am sad and filled with sorrow that such was your experience. I remember when an older woman worker we had known well, got up at Ylva's memorial service and started in praising Ylva's parents for their wealth and hospitality and keeping true up to the very end and denying she even knew Ylva well. What a lie! It was solely spoken as a warning for the 2&2ers attending, was revolting and literally sickening. So it is easy to empathize with you folks. Without a doubt there are some people who do not see things or people the way they really are. But when speaking at a funeral try to address a a deceased person's life the way they feel others want to see them. One of the hardest funeral's I ever spoke at was that of an atheist. Everyone knew what he did and did no believe. He did not believe in life after death, he did not believe in the Bible of course and would avoid using the words: salvation Christ, God. So it was difficult to say much considering what I believed. The only choice I had was to talk about his life here, his accomplishments, his mother and father, etc. To me it felt empty but I was surprised when others later commented about how fitting it was.
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Post by sharingtheriches on Aug 3, 2014 16:46:09 GMT -5
This week, my family laid our father to rest and I must say it was the coldest funeral I have ever attended. The Workers officiating , were told all about my Dad,The hymns he choose, the poem he wrote ect. But none of this was said during his service. I've seen exactly the same. And an occasion where it was someone who had a professional career and nothing was said about that, and not even a mention about her husband, who was dearly beloved to her and who had not long passed away himself. It was as though all that mattered was the night she stood up and made a choice 60 years previously in a public hall. Nothing about the home she had for the workers, the car they could borrow, the jam she always made for conventions and the people she corresponded with all round the world....you get the drift Fortunately I have noticed fewer occasions of workers admitting they never knew the person. Perhaps they have eventually started to learn this is a silly thing to say. I have had friends who have asked the workers dont use such words, or at least they send someone to conduct the funeral who indeed knew the person. I have to give some credit due in that my experience when my husband died some years ago, the minister that had been the active minister and a personal family acquaintance did come to our home and had his "please God forgive John all his sins for you know that he and I both have been great sinners, etc" These words fell on my husband's own ears, he was still very conscious. But when it came time a week or so later to have the memorial for my husband, I called this same minister and asked him if he would do the memorial...he asked when it was, I told him it was going to be at 9:30 a.m. on Sat morning and that early so our daughter would be able to make her plane reservation at 11 a.m. to go out of the country! The minister refused and said No, he would do it because he was going to a town about an hour and half's drive north for a family get-together. I asked him at what time...he said the dinner was going to be at 2:00 p.m. and they were going to leave at about 11 or 11:30....I asked him if a 30 min. memorial at 9:30 was that burdensome. He didn't say but said he wasn't going to do it! So there were a couple of workers coming to be there for my benefit...Carl Williams was the brother worker at that.....so my daughter said that since my ministers were coming, that if they wanted to do the service she saw that there would be nothing wrong with that. It was HER idea....so I called Carl and asked him...he agreed...I had told him before he answered...that if he did not feel up to it(he was taking chemotherapy tx at the time) that I did not want him putting himself to that test! He said NO, that he wanted to do it. Now to be very honest...Carl did a great service...yes, he did used the "there's a season for all things' and the "mourner going to the grave service" and etc on that line, but he did not spend a great amount of time on either one of them....he had asked that I write the obit as I wished him to read it...he also asked that I give him a couple of things that were common activities of my husband...which I chose him emptying my vegetable cellar every year where I'd stored all my canned goods and visiting folks got the grand tour and always came out with their hands full! Carl thought that was funny....I gave him that grand tour so he'd understand the story! The funeral recorded the memorial service as a brother-in-law in N.C could not come and had asked us to do that for him....and I've listened to Carl's sermon several times and it was short and to the point. As a stranger to my husband, Carl did a great job! I appreciated him very much that day!
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Post by sharingtheriches on Aug 3, 2014 16:56:04 GMT -5
I have found all the many funerals I have attended conducted by workers to be impersonal. I was particularly saddened by the words of a worker who spoke at a funeral of a non-professing man but whose wife was professing. The worker's only words about the deceased were that the man had allowed God's servants into his home and therefore God would take this into account when he was judged. Archie, I was sorry to hear your experience. I have written before on this forum about my concerns for my father's funeral. He is still alive but very elderly and we know that his time is now limited. I was becoming stressed at the thought of a 2x2 funeral and wondered whether I would be even able to attend. I have since resolved my dilemma by holding a absolutely brilliant "this is your life" party for him with over 120 guests and going through his whole life story with different speakers (professing and non-professing) talking about him through the stages of his life. It was a powerful and moving celebration and the best bit is that he got to be part of it. I feel more at ease now and will find my own way to say goodbye when the time comes. When my aunt passed on and she lived in a different state but had wanted to be buried here close to her mother and sisters.....we had to cremate her because the cost to cross several state lines was so expensive we just could not do it. Now my sister had an open casket funeral for her where she lived which I thought was correct as that was where the people she met with, etc were and everyone here was almost all gone. But when I started planning something here, I wanted it to be a "celebration of her life"....well, it turned out to be nothing more then a mtg. like a Sun. morning mtg. minus the emblems...I suppose the workers wouldn't have thought that bad either.....but the hymns we chose were the hymns she had chosen so many times when she lived here......it kind of floored my sister, she wanted to fix it up like another casket service but use the fine blue marble urn they had her ashes in! I told her, that a celebration of life is usually just telling or showing what had been so important to the deceased. My sister had asked at the supper table the night before who was to do the singing and who was going to do the leading of the songs! I told her, that I had the song list that I'd shared with her some time before and that either one of the brother workers there could start the songs as well as they did any other day! They looked at her and then they looked at me and then turned and looked at each other! One of them having known us so long kind of grinned and then looked at her again and then me again! I guess he thought that wow, Sharon's fixed that one! The unsaid secret is that my sister leads and expects to lead the singing a lot of the time...which is okay....but I was not into making a solo etc situation out of the celebration of my aunt's life! Mean of me, eh? I'm sure the brothers had a real laugh later when they went over to one of the friend's house for bed time! That was one of the few victories I ever had with her!
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