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Post by Deleted on May 16, 2020 20:49:38 GMT -5
COVID-19 is shaking-up the funeral industry, but it’s a long-overdue change that empowers families to celebrate their loved ones’ lives their way, writes Cale Donovan, co-founder of Bare Cremation.
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More so than almost any other event in history, COVID-19 is forcing us to reconsider the way we do things: how we educate our children, how we earn an income, how we stay connected with family and friends. The funeral industry is no different and COVID-19 is challenging how we view traditional funerals and consider how we really want to be celebrated.
The impact of social distancing restrictions means funerals across Australia are currently limited to 10 mourners, spaced 1.5 metres apart – with no ability to provide comforting hugs. The effect of this is significant as the traditional funeral industry is built to support large gatherings of people in a funeral parlour, chapel or venue. With this no longer possible, families are being forced to reconsider how they will commemorate a loved one.
Some families are opting for a small private service for immediate family only. Others are having no service at all while restrictions are in place, instead opting for a direct cremation (a cremation without an accompanying funeral service), intending to wait until restrictions are lifted for a fitting celebration of life later on.
Although it may be unfamiliar to many, all funeral homes offer a direct cremation service.
This service includes the arrangement of all the basic requirements: paperwork, collection, cremation and the return of ashes to the family. What it does not include is the traditional notion of a funeral service – for example, a church service or a viewing of the body. Although a major change, particularly when compared with the concept of a traditional funeral, this no-frills approach was a growing trend well before coronavirus forced the social distancing restrictions.
Research conducted by gatheredhere.com.au suggests that direct cremation makes up about 23 per cent of total funerals – up from an estimated five per cent just 10 years ago. Music icon David Bowie put direct cremation firmly in the spotlight when his wish to be cremated without a funeral service was widely reported in the British media when he passed in 2016.
People today are well informed, price conscious and non-traditional, so more than ever, many are saying farewell to traditional funerals. Far from being a negative concept, many believe direct cremations allow the freedom and flexibility to personalise a loved one’s memorial to match their personality.
Separating the arrangement from the memorial COVID-19 has accelerated the trend in direct cremation and many industry experts think it’s a positive adaptation. Before we get to why, it’s important to dispel a myth about direct cremation – that the emergence of the ‘no service’ cremation is due to families undervaluing the importance of a memorial service. In fact, quite the opposite is true. It is vitally important that something is done when someone dies to celebrate and honour their life and help us to process their loss.
Memorials play a pivotal role in the grieving process and celebrating the life of loved ones. Direct cremation providers don’t advocate against that, they just assist families to consider a fitting memorial as an alternative to what the funeral industry has defined for us, for decades.
“This type of send-off is gaining in popularity for a number of reasons,” says Ian Atkinson, of financial services firm SunLife in the UK. “But mainly because there is no need for extra expenses, like hearses and limos, embalming, officiants’ fees, flowers and orders of service, making it considerably cheaper,” he told This is Money recently. “When the service is not tied to the crematorium, it can be done exactly how the family wants at a time and a place that is right for them.”
Freedom to ‘go your own way’ A simple, respectful cremation that takes place separately from any ceremony allows families the freedom to commemorate a life well lived, in their own way. Families who are unable to host funerals right now are planning more fitting tributes for when restrictions are lifted. It also allows them the time and freedom to think about the best way to celebrate their loved ones.
Traditionally, funeral homes tend to perform both the cremation and the service within days of death, which places extra pressure on the family who are trying to process their grief at the same time. An end-of-life service is your way of saying thank you to someone special for their unique life. It is one of the last physical acts you can do for someone to ensure their life is recognised and remembered – so why should families be rushed through such a rigid process? Taking a moment to reflect and plan can help ease the emotional pressure that comes with loss. This has never been more true than now.
We’re seeing this firsthand at Bare Cremation. One Queensland man took a personal moment of remembrance to celebrate his late wife by having her favourite dinner with a toast of wine. He plans to have a larger family gathering when restrictions are lifted. Other families are finding ways to unite, even though they can’t physically be together right now, by taking a moment to do something at the same time, on the same day, but in separate households. One family lit candles for their loved one at the same time, and another simultaneously played their loved one’s favourite song.
Once the social distancing rules are relaxed, many families are also planning to visit the deceased's favourite places in nature for a quiet moment. But send-offs can even be more personalised and out of the box. Before the coronavirus, one man took his dad’s ashes on a final drive in style in a friend’s Lamborghini. These simple acts say, ‘I am honouring and remembering you’, in a more personal way than any funeral parlour can facilitate, and a direct cremation allows for this.
Alternative to a high-cost, traditional funeral There are no rules when it comes to memorials. A church, chapel or funeral parlour service followed by a wake at a funeral home is not necessarily right for everyone, so a direct cremation allows families to take ownership of that memorial in a way that truly celebrates our loved one’s unique life.
Fran Hall, chief executive at the UK industry advisory organisation Good Funeral Guide, told The Guardian that families often felt shame in trying to keep funeral costs down, but that needed to change.
“We need to move away from that idea. People can create a meaningful service and still maintain the rituals without spending a fortune,” she said.
The average funeral in Australia costs around $7500, according to a 2018 study by finder.com.au, so cutting out the traditional funeral service also removes the cost pressure. A personalised memorial can cost far less, alleviating potential financial stress.
“I wanted something that was reasonably priced and that I could take charge of, so that my family would not have the worry,” said Bare pre-paid direct cremation customer Janice. “Also, I did not want a great fuss made. This is perfect,” she said.
Pre-planning a direct cremation was also a relief for Craig. “I was always concerned about leaving things to loved ones to arrange costly and complicated end-of-life arrangements,” he said. “My wife found Bare online. They had exactly what we wanted on offer, an eco coffin, cremation and paperwork taken care of and my ashes returned to the family for an affordable payment system. Takes so much pressure off my mind.”
End-of-life plans For some, the pandemic has been a catalyst to have the tough conversations with the people we love about our end-of-life wishes. It’s forcing us to be more vocal about our mortality, which is something we’re generally not accustomed to doing in Australia. Having discussions with loved ones about end-of-life wishes allows people to share input into how they want to be celebrated and remembered when the time comes, rather than what a family member or funeral director decides on our behalf.
We cannot control when or where death occurs, but we can make it easier on our families by including them in the planning. Talking about end of life with loved ones now helps ease the pressure on families later.
Cale Donovan is the co-founder of online funeral service Bare Cremation.
Has COVID-19 prompted you consider your end-of-life plans and your funeral more thoroughly?
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Post by Deleted on May 16, 2020 21:19:14 GMT -5
not really changing plans...if only 10 can show up thats fine with me...for me everything is paid for except for the coffin...
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Post by Deleted on May 16, 2020 23:57:38 GMT -5
Wally, a 2x2 funeral you really expect 500 to turn up, whether they know you or not. They come from the ends of the Earth.
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Post by BobWilliston on May 17, 2020 0:18:10 GMT -5
Wally, a 2x2 funeral you really expect 500 to turn up, whether they know you or not. They come from the ends of the Earth. All the ones who don't know Wally.
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Post by iam on May 17, 2020 10:58:16 GMT -5
I think funerals give closure for some people. I regret going to funerals because I was more focused on my own life than someone that died and their families. Probably could have been seen as stuck up or offensive. I would like to see less adherence to the FORMS of funerals. We were at a funeral where the sons of a woman dug her grave the night before, brought the casket to the hall where the funeral was, then lowered the casket into the grave themselves and filled it in. That touched me. We were at my husband’s mother’s funeral and she was cremated and there was just a picture of her smiling face and it was a catholic funeral but there was a beautiful feeling to it because of the woman she was and the background of her life and family made it meaningful. Went to his brother’s catholic funeral and it was such an awful feeling. People came out of the woodwork and there were hundreds of people at the funeral but he was one of the most lonely and hated people I know because of his life choices, lying and cheating etc. I feel sorry for not being kinder. People often don’t make bad choices because they want to. Sometimes they’ve just been victims themselves without any compassion. I would only want a funeral if it gives people an excuse to take a day off and get together and have a party of sorts😁
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Post by Deleted on May 17, 2020 14:36:56 GMT -5
I feel funerals are useful. I am waiting for a memorial for my brother who passed away a month ago. We have no idea when we can have this memorial. It all seem rather surreal to not be with other family when a member dies.
I will say the most touching funeral I have ever gone to was for a man with deaf Down syndrome. He was raised in a "professing" home and had "professing" sisters. He had lived in a group home for years. What was so moving was the lives he had touched and how much he was loved by all he had come in contact with. What was so stunning to me was how many of the "friends" in the area did not show up to this funeral. He had many relatives that "profess" and some who had the first meeting in the state.
A few weeks after his funeral I went to a funeral for the woman who lived on the convention grounds. It was attended by every "worker" in the area and by many "friends". It was the most unspiritual funerals I have ever been to in my life. I felt sad and empty after this funeral. A feeling I must say I have never felt after any funeral "professing" or unprofessing. I was stunned when I compared the two funerals. One full of love and compassion and one filled with a lot of empty words. This woman had looked down her nose at most people. She made sure everyone knew she was from ________ convention. This was also feed by the workers who made it known which convention they wanted to prepare for convention at. I have relatives that live on the other convention grounds. Believe me they are aware of the workers preferences.
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Post by Annan on May 17, 2020 14:38:23 GMT -5
I think funerals give closure for some people. I regret going to funerals because I was more focused on my own life than someone that died and their families. Probably could have been seen as stuck up or offensive. I would like to see less adherence to the FORMS of funerals. We were at a funeral where the sons of a woman dug her grave the night before, brought the casket to the hall where the funeral was, then lowered the casket into the grave themselves and filled it in. That touched me. We were at my husband’s mother’s funeral and she was cremated and there was just a picture of her smiling face and it was a catholic funeral but there was a beautiful feeling to it because of the woman she was and the background of her life and family made it meaningful. Went to his brother’s catholic funeral and it was such an awful feeling. People came out of the woodwork and there were hundreds of people at the funeral but he was one of the most lonely and hated people I know because of his life choices, lying and cheating etc. I feel sorry for not being kinder. People often don’t make bad choices because they want to. Sometimes they’ve just been victims themselves without any compassion. I would only want a funeral if it gives people an excuse to take a day off and get together and have a party of sorts😁 I've been to funerals where I looked around to see if I was at the right funeral from all the flowery words said about the person. There was no service for my mother and there will be no service for my father. Suits me fine as I won't have to deal with relatives I haven't seen for years and don't give a hoot about. The expense of a funeral has to be a burden to most folks. I don't get fancy coffins and flowers. Send me flowers while I'm alive. Thankfully, my parents' send-offs are pre-paid. I sure don't want laid out in a coffin and folks coming to look at me. Cremate me or feed me to the bears. As to lovely funerals... My uncle was Catholic and his funeral was lovely. The priest knew him well and told stories that made us laugh with fondness. The choir sang. That was so special as their voices were hauntingly beautiful. Maybe it was a mass. I don't know. There were only a handful of professing folk, workers included, at my grandmother's funeral. Most were town folk. I know a guy who had to bury his mother himself. No casket. She died during Hurricane Katrina. It's a memory that haunts him.
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Post by Deleted on May 17, 2020 15:22:17 GMT -5
I think funerals give closure for some people. I regret going to funerals because I was more focused on my own life than someone that died and their families. Probably could have been seen as stuck up or offensive. I would like to see less adherence to the FORMS of funerals. We were at a funeral where the sons of a woman dug her grave the night before, brought the casket to the hall where the funeral was, then lowered the casket into the grave themselves and filled it in. That touched me. We were at my husband’s mother’s funeral and she was cremated and there was just a picture of her smiling face and it was a catholic funeral but there was a beautiful feeling to it because of the woman she was and the background of her life and family made it meaningful. Went to his brother’s catholic funeral and it was such an awful feeling. People came out of the woodwork and there were hundreds of people at the funeral but he was one of the most lonely and hated people I know because of his life choices, lying and cheating etc. I feel sorry for not being kinder. People often don’t make bad choices because they want to. Sometimes they’ve just been victims themselves without any compassion. I would only want a funeral if it gives people an excuse to take a day off and get together and have a party of sorts😁 I've been to funerals where I looked around to see if I was at the right funeral from all the flowery words said about the person. There was no service for my mother and there will be no service for my father. Suits me fine as I won't have to deal with relatives I haven't seen for years and don't give a hoot about. The expense of a funeral has to be a burden to most folks. I don't get fancy coffins and flowers. Send me flowers while I'm alive. Thankfully, my parents' send-offs are pre-paid. I sure don't want laid out in a coffin and folks coming to look at me. Cremate me or feed me to the bears. As to lovely funerals... My uncle was Catholic and his funeral was lovely. The priest knew him well and told stories that made us laugh with fondness. The choir sang. That was so special as their voices were hauntingly beautiful. Maybe it was a mass. I don't know. There were only a handful of professing folk, workers included, at my grandmother's funeral. Most were town folk. I know a guy who had to bury his mother himself. No casket. She died during Hurricane Katrina. It's a memory that haunts him. why no casket? the tradition of my fathers family is that we bury our own but we have a casket. i helped bury my father and his sister...
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Post by Annan on May 17, 2020 17:25:24 GMT -5
why no casket? the tradition of my fathers family is that we bury our own but we have a casket. i helped bury my father and his sister... It was during Hurricane Katrina. Not sure exactly where he lived, but everything was destroyed. People didn't have food, water, or shelter, let alone caskets. It was hot. She was dead and rotting.
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Post by curlywurlysammagee on May 18, 2020 2:28:44 GMT -5
I know a worker who buried his companion in a Sth American country and some time later was told to dig him up again. It affected him badly. ps. the companion was dead when buried the first time.
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Post by gsamuelwalker on May 18, 2020 22:10:03 GMT -5
I know a worker who buried his companion in a Sth American country and some time later was told to dig him up again. It affected him badly. ps. the companion was dead when buried the first time. That is unbelievably sad and utterly absurd. I don't recall Jesus having a big funeral. Let's just keep that front of mind.
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Post by Deleted on May 18, 2020 22:46:44 GMT -5
I know a worker who buried his companion in a Sth American country and some time later was told to dig him up again. It affected him badly. ps. the companion was dead when buried the first time. That is unbelievably sad and utterly absurd. I don't recall Jesus having a big funeral. Let's just keep that front of mind. a few things to consider.... 1. the flock was scattered as the prophecy said they would be 2. all though we don't know how many were there at his crucifixtion it may have not been large but it probably wasn't small either as many wanted to see him die which would have been similar in numbers to a funeral 3. it would have taken a number of men to move the body from golgatha to the garden tomb 4. the 3-4 ladies at the tomb were still gonna perform cleansing rituals that a regular funeral would have had done 5. and there were at least 4 guards(a roman watch)to keep lookie loo's and body snatchers away...
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Post by iam on Jun 11, 2020 23:44:58 GMT -5
That is unbelievably sad and utterly absurd. I don't recall Jesus having a big funeral. Let's just keep that front of mind. a few things to consider.... 1. the flock was scattered as the prophecy said they would be 2. all though we don't know how many were there at his crucifixtion it may have not been large but it probably wasn't small either as many wanted to see him die which would have been similar in numbers to a funeral 3. it would have taken a number of men to move the body from golgatha to the garden tomb 4. the 3-4 ladies at the tomb were still gonna perform cleansing rituals that a regular funeral would have had done 5. and there were at least 4 guards(a roman watch)to keep lookie loo's and body snatchers away... That would be like a large gathering to watch a murder. Not at all like a funeral.
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Post by nathan on Jun 12, 2020 1:12:02 GMT -5
That is unbelievably sad and utterly absurd. I don't recall Jesus having a big funeral. Let's just keep that front of mind. a few things to consider.... 1. the flock was scattered as the prophecy said they would be 2. all though we don't know how many were there at his crucifixtion it may have not been large but it probably wasn't small either as many wanted to see him die which would have been similar in numbers to a funeral 3. it would have taken a number of men to move the body from golgatha to the garden tomb 4. the 3-4 ladies at the tomb were still gonna perform cleansing rituals that a regular funeral would have had done 5. and there were at least 4 guards(a roman watch)to keep lookie loo's and body snatchers away... Right, wally. Jesus and the apostles attended the funeral of Lazarus, one of his own disciples and he raised him back from the dead. Jesus raised another young girl from death. Peter raised a dead girl also.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 12, 2020 1:35:59 GMT -5
Yeh, don't think the medical fraternity would accept that. I think if they say you are dead, you are dead. Its not like when you have your birthday and somebody says, " Many Happy Returns." Waste of time saying that to a person after they have been proclaimed dead. Just go ahead and arrange a funeral, they won't be back.
How come the Workers can't do it???.
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Post by speak on Jun 12, 2020 4:36:28 GMT -5
Yeh, don't think the medical fraternity would accept that. I think if they say you are dead, you are dead. Its not like when you have your birthday and somebody says, " Many Happy Returns." Waste of time saying that to a person after they have been proclaimed dead. Just go ahead and arrange a funeral, they won't be back. How come the Workers can't do it???. Aw no not the old complaint again.
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Post by nathan on Jun 12, 2020 9:00:39 GMT -5
Yeh, don't think the medical fraternity would accept that. I think if they say you are dead, you are dead. Its not like when you have your birthday and somebody says, " Many Happy Returns." Waste of time saying that to a person after they have been proclaimed dead. Just go ahead and arrange a funeral, they won't be back. How come the Workers can't do it???. The workers are doing it... The dead in Christ are ALIVE and LIVE forever after death. Their souls/spirits entered heavenly realm to be with Christ and God. Funerals are reminders for those are still alive, the DEAD in Christ have finished the good fight of faith on earth and now they have entered their rewards.
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Post by iam on Jun 12, 2020 11:12:09 GMT -5
Yeh, don't think the medical fraternity would accept that. I think if they say you are dead, you are dead. Its not like when you have your birthday and somebody says, " Many Happy Returns." Waste of time saying that to a person after they have been proclaimed dead. Just go ahead and arrange a funeral, they won't be back. How come the Workers can't do it???. Aw no not the old complaint again. Here you go again, Speak🙄 complaining about legitimate complaints Job 7:9,11 [9] As the cloud is consumed and vanisheth away: so he that goeth down to the grave shall come up no more.... [11] Therefore I will not refrain my mouth; I will speak in the anguish of my spirit; I will complain in the bitterness of my soul. So easy to absorb 2x2ism in our faith instead of the real Jesus. Get so tired of it. It’s become the norm.
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Post by BobWilliston on Jun 12, 2020 15:57:38 GMT -5
A funeral is not necessary.
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Post by speak on Jun 12, 2020 21:56:13 GMT -5
Aw no not the old complaint again. Here you go again, Speak🙄 complaining about legitimate complaints Job 7:9,11 [9] As the cloud is consumed and vanisheth away: so he that goeth down to the grave shall come up no more.... [11] Therefore I will not refrain my mouth; I will speak in the anguish of my spirit; I will complain in the bitterness of my soul. So easy to absorb 2x2ism in our faith instead of the real Jesus. Get so tired of it. It’s become the norm. Have you thought you might not find somewhere else?
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Post by iam on Jun 13, 2020 14:21:38 GMT -5
Here you go again, Speak🙄 complaining about legitimate complaints Job 7:9,11 [9] As the cloud is consumed and vanisheth away: so he that goeth down to the grave shall come up no more.... [11] Therefore I will not refrain my mouth; I will speak in the anguish of my spirit; I will complain in the bitterness of my soul. So easy to absorb 2x2ism in our faith instead of the real Jesus. Get so tired of it. It’s become the norm. Have you thought you might not find somewhere else? It’s not at all about somewhere else to me, Speak
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Post by rj on Jun 24, 2020 18:35:00 GMT -5
For me its up the chimney, no fuss. When my mother popped me into this world there was no fanfare. I don't want a funeral service period. My wife would offer the workers a cup of tea after the event..
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