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Post by openingact34 on Apr 15, 2020 0:43:08 GMT -5
Coronavirus farts. Yes, you read that correctly. Just when you thought things couldn't get any weirder, they tell you that COVID-19 can spread by passing gas. "The deadly coronavirus could be spreading through farts, according to doctors. But farts are unlikely to transmit the virus provided pants are worn." www.dailystar.co.uk/news/latest-news/coronavirus-can-spread-through-farts-21852204www.globaltimes.cn/content/1180514.shtmlIt turns out that pants function as a facemask for your other set of cheeks. However, one would presume that skirts are insufficient filtration for a butt sneeze. It all makes sense now that this was the devil's master plan. The old time workers warned us about this kind of thing, but nobody listened.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 15, 2020 3:17:29 GMT -5
You can't stop farting completely, but there are ways to reduce the amount of gas in your system. Eat more slowly and mindfully. ... Don't chew gum. ... Cut back on gas-producing foods. ... Check for food intolerances with an elimination diet. ... Avoid soda, beer, and other carbonated beverages. ... Try enzyme supplements. ... Try probiotics.
They are telling us if you sneeze, do it into your elbow. Pretty impossible to fart into your elbow.
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Post by speak on Apr 15, 2020 3:47:47 GMT -5
You can't stop farting completely, but there are ways to reduce the amount of gas in your system. Eat more slowly and mindfully. ... Don't chew gum. ... Cut back on gas-producing foods. ... Check for food intolerances with an elimination diet. ... Avoid soda, beer, and other carbonated beverages. ... Try enzyme supplements. ... Try probiotics. They are telling us if you sneeze, do it into your elbow. Pretty impossible to fart into your elbow. One needs to sit on a chair to stifle smell, noise and embarrassment
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Post by Deleted on Apr 15, 2020 3:50:55 GMT -5
Or eat lots of charcoal. Does make your teeth black.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 15, 2020 4:05:27 GMT -5
Never knew there were so many different farts. I always regard them as a message, that something else is on the way.
Can remember a poor lady in a meeting once, got up to speak and let go a ripper. Felt so sorry for her, it was definitely an "Arse Blast".
TYPES OF FARTS. aerosolized stool cushion creepers after dinner mint air air attack air biscuit air monkey air poop anal acoustics Anal announcement anal escape of wind anal emissions anal oxide anal retreat anus evacuation Arkansas barking spiders ars musica arse blast backblast backdoor trumpet back draft back end blow out bae barking rats barking spiders bean bombers bean fumes beaver leaver beer fart belching clown big spit-up bilabial fricative blampf blare-ass Blat blow-by blow fish blue angel blue bomber blue darts blurp bologna sandwich essence boomper letters bork bottom burp botty burp botty cough bram brewer's fart brown-body radiation brown haze brown mist brown speckled mallard brownster brun canard bubblers buck snort or bucksnort bull snort bum and flutter bunsen burners burners burp that went astray burp that comes out the wrong end butt burps butt cheek squeak butt moose butt mutt Butt trumpet can o' chedder carpet creeper case of swamp ass cheeser cheese toasty chert chold chou pi chunder churchhouse creepers cornhole tremor crepidus crunchy frog davebrok deer snort dej desert varnish doofu doozer doozy double flutterblast drifters drig drive by Dutch oven eggy whiffo essence of Emeril excreted gas explosion between the cheeks extreme fumagatory essence fang pae fang pi fannitosis fanny beep fanny bubble fanny halitosis fart fartrogen dioxide fat lady delight fecal clouds fickle fuzz fing fingi fire in the hole fizz fizz-fuzz fizzy fuzz flabbergaster flame throwers flatulence flatulencia flatus flooper fluff flurpies fly breaking the sound barrier foo-foo frump Furz fuss the fuzz the fuzz=fizz gas gasser gastronomical reprocussion General Colon Bowel barking commands gluteal tuba gooz gross wind grosse humours guano-talk gou pi grunghee gurglers hanger hissers hole in the wall gang honksa hot wind Hun Futza hurricane hydrogen bombs ignimbrite Jersey torch jetwash kabooms kanala the leather cheerio bark lingers lort love puff low flying geese low flying jets massive vapor of butt gas message from the interior methane misdirected burp Missouri mud ducks moon beam morning thunder mouse mousie squeak mudslapper mush musical butt the nether belch nuée ardent one-cheek sneaks One-gun salute paad pants geese passed flatus passed gas peaches pedo peido peo pet petard phewie pip pluts poelse poodles poof poofume poo gas pooh pooh noise poop fumes poop without the mess poopy tunes poot pooty pants popcorn fart pop tarts power poof preets prison break proot-proots prootsie prut pudd puffer puh puk pulpmiller pum purple clouds putt-putts queve rames rare arse rattler rectal turbulence report ringo ringtailed roarer rip ass ripship the ripsh- ripskin ripsnorter roevgas Room clearer rup rap the scented scream scheet seam squirrels sh- fumes sh- propellant sh- vapor sh- without the mess silent but deadly silent but violent silent depth charge silent spadily sitter air Singe skag skid sliders smelly jelly smell-o-rama smelts smoofer snak S.O.D. some not a very nice person behind you talking sh- sound spadily sphincter whistle sphincturbulence spitters squeakers squib stainer stale wind stench of death stink stinker surprise svaerd talking pants tear arse terminal flatulence terminal velocity flatulence three tone fart thunder below thunder in the buns tonage toop tooters toot-toots triple flutter blaster triple thunder flutter trouser cough trouser trumpet trump turtle tushie belches underpants lion Under-thunder veirnt ventifact vind voice of the toothless one wet fart wet one whallop whootzie wind wind breakage windy pops wizard zephyr
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Post by Deleted on Apr 15, 2020 5:16:09 GMT -5
There are a few not on that list that I found on a Birthday card my Daughter gave me on my 80th. Think she was trying to tell me something.
The Bum Burner. A fart so hot that it singes your bum hairs.
The Bubble Trouble. A fart that gets trapped in pants and has to bubble up your back to escape.
The Methane Monster. A fart made of rotten egg gas. Best kept away from naked flame.
The Crowd Pleaser. A loud and smelly beastie that clears all rooms and draws admiration from other blokes.
The Cat Tormenter. A thin whiney fart that sounds exactly like a Mouse.
Muscles from Brussels. A fart that would have people laughing at you. Must be released slowly by working your sphincter, open 1mm every 2 minutes.
The Lucky Bag. An odourless fart coinciding with a sneeze so no one notices.
The Guided Missile. One that you know is coming loud and fast and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it.
The Trojan Horse. A fart that not only slips out loud and smelly, but also carries a surprise solid surprise with it.
The Line Dancer. A fart that slips out accidentally causing you to try and cover it up by dancing on an imaginary bug on the floor.
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Post by Annan on Apr 16, 2020 18:57:30 GMT -5
Or eat lots of charcoal. Does make your teeth black. I brush my teeth with a coconut oil and charcoal mix. Perhaps that's why I rarely toot. I could eat a whole cabbage and only produce two small toots. This is so embarrassing!
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Post by Deleted on Apr 16, 2020 19:08:09 GMT -5
Toot: 1)Slang for fart 2)a loud sound 3)the blast hole on the side of a bong or pipe 4)To bounce your butt up and down during sexual intercourse 5)To snort powdery illegal drugs
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Post by Annan on Apr 16, 2020 21:08:41 GMT -5
Toot: 1)Slang for fart 2)a loud sound 3)the blast hole on the side of a bong or pipe 4)To bounce your butt up and down during sexual intercourse 5)To snort powdery illegal drugs I have to say I learned something today.
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Post by BobWilliston on Apr 16, 2020 21:17:37 GMT -5
You can't stop farting completely, but there are ways to reduce the amount of gas in your system. Eat more slowly and mindfully. ... Don't chew gum. ... Cut back on gas-producing foods. ... Check for food intolerances with an elimination diet. ... Avoid soda, beer, and other carbonated beverages. ... Try enzyme supplements. ... Try probiotics. They are telling us if you sneeze, do it into your elbow. Pretty impossible to fart into your elbow. One needs to sit on a chair to stifle smell, noise and embarrassment Have you never heard of the quiet but deadly?
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Post by BobWilliston on Apr 16, 2020 21:28:48 GMT -5
Toot: 1)Slang for fart 2)a loud sound 3)the blast hole on the side of a bong or pipe 4)To bounce your butt up and down during sexual intercourse 5)To snort powdery illegal drugs How much of your life have you spent in middle school?
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Post by matisse on Apr 16, 2020 23:33:09 GMT -5
Coronavirus farts. Yes, you read that correctly. Just when you thought things couldn't get any weirder, they tell you that COVID-19 can spread by passing gas. "The deadly coronavirus could be spreading through farts, according to doctors. But farts are unlikely to transmit the virus provided pants are worn." www.dailystar.co.uk/news/latest-news/coronavirus-can-spread-through-farts-21852204www.globaltimes.cn/content/1180514.shtmlIt turns out that pants function as a facemask for your other set of cheeks. However, one would presume that skirts are insufficient filtration for a butt sneeze. It all makes sense now that this was the devil's master plan. The old time workers warned us about this kind of thing, but nobody listened. The old-time sister workers I knew would have provided an under-the-skirt solution. My bestie would have gotten a talking-to at Convention for making it too sexy!
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Post by dmmichgood on Apr 16, 2020 23:37:41 GMT -5
Toot: 1)Slang for fart 2)a loud sound 3)the blast hole on the side of a bong or pipe 4)To bounce your butt up and down during sexual intercourse 5)To snort powdery illegal drugs How much of your life have you spent in middle school? Redback, thanks for helping us laugh! We need that right how.
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Post by chuck on Apr 17, 2020 4:00:38 GMT -5
There are a few not on that list that I found on a Birthday card my Daughter gave me on my 80th. Think she was trying to tell me something. The Bum Burner. A fart so hot that it singes your bum hairs. The Bubble Trouble. A fart that gets trapped in pants and has to bubble up your back to escape. The Methane Monster. A fart made of rotten egg gas. Best kept away from naked flame. The Crowd Pleaser. A loud and smelly beastie that clears all rooms and draws admiration from other blokes. The Cat Tormenter. A thin whiney fart that sounds exactly like a Mouse. Muscles from Brussels. A fart that would have people laughing at you. Must be released slowly by working your sphincter, open 1mm every 2 minutes. The Lucky Bag. An odourless fart coinciding with a sneeze so no one notices. The Guided Missile. One that you know is coming loud and fast and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it. The Trojan Horse. A fart that not only slips out loud and smelly, but also carries a surprise solid surprise with it. The Line Dancer. A fart that slips out accidentally causing you to try and cover it up by dancing on an imaginary bug on the floor. 🤣🤣🤣🤣 good stuff. You forgot one. "The follow through" Pretty self explanatory.
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Post by BobWilliston on Apr 18, 2020 23:45:09 GMT -5
Coronavirus farts. Yes, you read that correctly. Just when you thought things couldn't get any weirder, they tell you that COVID-19 can spread by passing gas. "The deadly coronavirus could be spreading through farts, according to doctors. But farts are unlikely to transmit the virus provided pants are worn." www.dailystar.co.uk/news/latest-news/coronavirus-can-spread-through-farts-21852204www.globaltimes.cn/content/1180514.shtmlIt turns out that pants function as a facemask for your other set of cheeks. However, one would presume that skirts are insufficient filtration for a butt sneeze. It all makes sense now that this was the devil's master plan. The old time workers warned us about this kind of thing, but nobody listened. The old-time sister workers I knew would have provided an under-the-skirt solution. My bestie would have gotten a talking-to at Convention for making it too sexy! I don't know whether I was supposed to know this or not, but I know of an older sister worker who was reputed to frequently tell women to cut fancy/frilly/whatever off their underpants.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 18, 2020 23:49:56 GMT -5
I've read the average vocabulary for English speakers is about 25,000 words. That seems like a lot, until you consider that the Aussies shift the curve right with 5,000 words for 'fart', and an additional 4,500 for 'vomit'!
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Post by curlywurlysammagee on Apr 19, 2020 0:00:39 GMT -5
One needs to sit on a chair to stifle smell, noise and embarrassment Have you never heard of the quiet but deadly? Is that the same as the silent but violent?
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Post by BobWilliston on Apr 19, 2020 0:05:41 GMT -5
Have you never heard of the quiet but deadly? Is that the same as the silent but violent? Satisfactory reason to be excused from the window seat on a six hour flight.
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