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Post by bubbles on May 26, 2015 9:50:34 GMT -5
As I read this thread I really feel for those who could be professing and living in a hellish relationship behind closed doors reading what I am reading. Feeling they have to suffer for the sake of the gospel. Put on a brave face. Hide the truth of their existence. Growing up in meetings I felt it was expected of me to marry inside. The idea that I could have married someone not professing just didnt exist for me. I did meet someone but I felt it would have been hopeless. Yrs later looking back the unprofessing man and I were far more compatible than my husband and I were. I know people divorced in meeting who have no hope of happiness with another spouse due to what I see as control by the preachers/workers. To hinder anyone or put a stumbling block in the way of our brothers and sisters is wrong. Many yrs ago a christian leader said that divorce will become as common in the church as outside of the church. That is now true. It is a lot easier these days than it was in the 60s.
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Post by emy on May 26, 2015 17:34:51 GMT -5
If both partners have a deep commitment to God and follow the commandments of Jesus, including "love one another as I have loved you" then how would it be possible to split up? Serving God inevitably affects the way we treat each other. If one partner is unfaithful and/or becomes abusive then clearly that person has lost their commitment to God, whether they acknowledge it or not, don't you think? So if one partner is unfaithful they have "lost their commitment to God" so in that case what does the other partner do ? Or if one partner finds out the truth about "The Truth" and all the lies does that mean they have lost their comitment to God ? What does the other partner do? From 1 Cor. 7 :12 If a fellow believer has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to continue living with him, he must not leave her. And if a believing woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to continue living with her, she must not leave him. For the believing wife brings holiness to her marriage, and the believing husband brings holiness to his marriage. Otherwise, your children would not be holy, but now they are holy. ... Don’t you wives realize that your husbands might be saved because of you? And don’t you husbands realize that your wives might be saved because of you? I think "no longer committed" would also apply. I'm not sure I'm understanding what type of situation you are thinking of.
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Post by Roselyn T on May 26, 2015 19:20:49 GMT -5
"The point I was trying to make in the above comment was that if both people love God and are truly committed to Him, then they will reflect this love and commitment to each other and to their marriage also. " If both partners have a deep commitment to God and follow the commandments of Jesus, including "love one another as I have loved you" then how would it be possible to split up? Serving God inevitably affects the way we treat each other. If one partner is unfaithful and/or becomes abusive then clearly that person has lost their commitment to God, whether they acknowledge it or not, don't you think? Ok lets go back to this statement then, "If both partners have a deep commitment to God and follow the commandments of Jesus, including "love one another as I have loved you" then how would it be possible to split up?&" To me this shows your lack of understanding of what can happen in a marriage, you seem to think that if both parties have this deep commitment that they will never split up, people change, circumstances change, as I asked before about mental illness do you understand how bi-polar effects people? No one that marries thinks they are going to divorce, but it happens ! How would you re-act if your husband decided he didn't want to go to meetings anymore Felicity ? People who have never experienced this seem to think they are immune & that it will never happen to them, yet they think they have all the answers. People split up because they can no longer live together without destroying each other & their children, people spilt up because one partner wants to live their life a different way. There are many reasons why people split up.
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Post by kittens on May 26, 2015 19:38:57 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on May 26, 2015 20:59:30 GMT -5
Felicity how much do you understand about mental illness ? does anyone? I've worked with the mentally ill and I still don't understand all of them...
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Post by Deleted on May 26, 2015 21:06:48 GMT -5
If both partners have a deep commitment to God and follow the commandments of Jesus, including "love one another as I have loved you" then how would it be possible to split up? Serving God inevitably affects the way we treat each other. If one partner is unfaithful and/or becomes abusive then clearly that person has lost their commitment to God, whether they acknowledge it or not, don't you think? Ok lets go back to this statement then, "If both partners have a deep commitment to God and follow the commandments of Jesus, including "love one another as I have loved you" then how would it be possible to split up?&" To me this shows your lack of understanding of what can happen in a marriage, you seem to think that if both parties have this deep commitment that they will never split up, people change, circumstances change, as I asked before about mental illness do you understand how bi-polar effects people? No one that marries thinks they are going to divorce, but it happens ! How would you re-act if your husband decided he didn't want to go to meetings anymore Felicity ? People who have never experienced this seem to think they are immune & that it will never happen to them, yet they think they have all the answers. People split up because they can no longer live together without destroying each other & their children, people spilt up because one partner wants to live their life a different way. There are many reasons why people split up. people who have mental illness can stay married its a tough road but it can be done...
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Post by emy on May 26, 2015 22:44:20 GMT -5
Ok lets go back to this statement then, "If both partners have a deep commitment to God and follow the commandments of Jesus, including "love one another as I have loved you" then how would it be possible to split up?&" To me this shows your lack of understanding of what can happen in a marriage, you seem to think that if both parties have this deep commitment that they will never split up, people change, circumstances change, as I asked before about mental illness do you understand how bi-polar effects people? No one that marries thinks they are going to divorce, but it happens ! How would you re-act if your husband decided he didn't want to go to meetings anymore Felicity ? People who have never experienced this seem to think they are immune & that it will never happen to them, yet they think they have all the answers. People split up because they can no longer live together without destroying each other & their children, people spilt up because one partner wants to live their life a different way. There are many reasons why people split up. people who have mental illness can stay married its a tough road but it can be done... True And people who show violent tendencies in their mental illness can be committed to an institution.
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Post by emy on May 26, 2015 22:45:55 GMT -5
I have seen first hand where you are coming from regarding mental illness Roselyn, and how it can destroy a marriage. Both professing, get married. After marriage wife diagnosed with mental illness. Neglects children to the point of starvation and filthy nappies never changed. Husband had to work away from home all week. Wife threatens to kill husband and nearly succeeds on several occasions. Husband has to leave wife for his own safety but doesn't want to divorce her. To get full custody of the children and keep them safe the law says he has to divorce her. Someone who is mentally ill does not have full capacity of their mind and can't be reasoned with. How can anyone lay blame on either party in a situation like this? Why was she not committed to an institution for treatment?
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Post by kittens on May 26, 2015 22:52:51 GMT -5
I have seen first hand where you are coming from regarding mental illness Roselyn, and how it can destroy a marriage. Both professing, get married. After marriage wife diagnosed with mental illness. Neglects children to the point of starvation and filthy nappies never changed. Husband had to work away from home all week. Wife threatens to kill husband and nearly succeeds on several occasions. Husband has to leave wife for his own safety but doesn't want to divorce her. To get full custody of the children and keep them safe the law says he has to divorce her. Someone who is mentally ill does not have full capacity of their mind and can't be reasoned with. How can anyone lay blame on either party in a situation like this? Why was she not committed to an institution for treatment? 1
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Post by emy on May 26, 2015 23:25:18 GMT -5
Why was she not committed to an institution for treatment? She was on and off but the person has to want to control their illness and be willing to take their medication. The government can't afford to keep people locked up in institutions for the rest of their lives so they let them out and hope for the best. Yes, I'm familiar with that scenario. Sometimes it seems the institution just has a revolving door.
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Post by Deleted on May 27, 2015 3:15:03 GMT -5
If both partners have a deep commitment to God and follow the commandments of Jesus, including "love one another as I have loved you" then how would it be possible to split up? Serving God inevitably affects the way we treat each other. If one partner is unfaithful and/or becomes abusive then clearly that person has lost their commitment to God, whether they acknowledge it or not, don't you think? Ok lets go back to this statement then, "If both partners have a deep commitment to God and follow the commandments of Jesus, including "love one another as I have loved you" then how would it be possible to split up?&" To me this shows your lack of understanding of what can happen in a marriage, you seem to think that if both parties have this deep commitment that they will never split up, people change, circumstances change, as I asked before about mental illness do you understand how bi-polar effects people? No one that marries thinks they are going to divorce, but it happens ! How would you re-act if your husband decided he didn't want to go to meetings anymore Felicity ? People who have never experienced this seem to think they are immune & that it will never happen to them, yet they think they have all the answers. People split up because they can no longer live together without destroying each other & their children, people spilt up because one partner wants to live their life a different way. There are many reasons why people split up. Roselyn, I think you're missing the point of what I was saying. Of course people can change, they can lose their commitment to God, or they can become mentally ill or whatever, and it totally changes the dynamics of their marriage. That's pretty obvious. It's also obvious to me that if my husband didn't want to go to meetings any more he would have lost his commitment to God - how could it be any other way? If our relationship with God changes then our relationship with each other could change too. I know a few people with bipolar disorder who continue to serve God in spite of their struggles with their health. It's a challenge, particularly for those who keep deciding they don't need their medication, but it's not impossible. People with mental illnesses sometimes can't face going to meetings for a time, but that's a different thing to not wanting to go, or no longer believing that it's the right thing to do.
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Post by maryhig on May 27, 2015 4:20:46 GMT -5
Ok lets go back to this statement then, "If both partners have a deep commitment to God and follow the commandments of Jesus, including "love one another as I have loved you" then how would it be possible to split up?&" To me this shows your lack of understanding of what can happen in a marriage, you seem to think that if both parties have this deep commitment that they will never split up, people change, circumstances change, as I asked before about mental illness do you understand how bi-polar effects people? No one that marries thinks they are going to divorce, but it happens ! How would you re-act if your husband decided he didn't want to go to meetings anymore Felicity ? People who have never experienced this seem to think they are immune & that it will never happen to them, yet they think they have all the answers. People split up because they can no longer live together without destroying each other & their children, people spilt up because one partner wants to live their life a different way. There are many reasons why people split up. Roselyn, I think you're missing the point of what I was saying. Of course people can change, they can lose their commitment to God, or they can become mentally ill or whatever, and it totally changes the dynamics of their marriage. That's pretty obvious. It's also obvious to me that if my husband didn't want to go to meetings any more he would have lost his commitment to God - how could it be any other way? If our relationship with God changes then our relationship with each other could change too. I know a few people with bipolar disorder who continue to serve God in spite of their struggles with their health. It's a challenge, particularly for those who keep deciding they don't need their medication, but it's not impossible. People with mental illnesses sometimes can't face going to meetings for a time, but that's a different thing to not wanting to go, or no longer believing that it's the right thing to do. Yes that's true, my husband comes to the meeting with me, and now not only do we love one another, but our hearts are bonded in God and we are closer than ever! I honestly feel that I would stand by him through whatever sickness he suffered. Not only because I love him. But i also believe as long as I have faith Gods love would strengthen me. I just couldn't live with cruelty and wickedness, hardness, adultery and a hatred for God! At 17 I didn't recognise these things in my ex husband. He was lovely, until we married and he knew I believed that marriage is for life! So he thought he could do what he wanted! I didn't sign up for those things, but sickness I did sign up for and for life!
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Post by Roselyn T on May 27, 2015 5:18:32 GMT -5
Ok lets go back to this statement then, "If both partners have a deep commitment to God and follow the commandments of Jesus, including "love one another as I have loved you" then how would it be possible to split up?&" To me this shows your lack of understanding of what can happen in a marriage, you seem to think that if both parties have this deep commitment that they will never split up, people change, circumstances change, as I asked before about mental illness do you understand how bi-polar effects people? No one that marries thinks they are going to divorce, but it happens ! How would you re-act if your husband decided he didn't want to go to meetings anymore Felicity ? People who have never experienced this seem to think they are immune & that it will never happen to them, yet they think they have all the answers. People split up because they can no longer live together without destroying each other & their children, people spilt up because one partner wants to live their life a different way. There are many reasons why people split up. people who have mental illness can stay married its a tough road but it can be done... If a person does not want to take medication & will not even admit they have a problem and want out of a marriage what opinions are there ? One person CANNOT save a marriage !
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Post by Roselyn T on May 27, 2015 5:19:57 GMT -5
Why was she not committed to an institution for treatment? She was on and off but the person has to want to control their illness and be willing to take their medication. The government can't afford to keep people locked up in institutions for the rest of their lives so they let them out and hope for the best. Exactly right kittens, if a person will not take medication there is very little that others can do .
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Post by Deleted on May 27, 2015 5:28:22 GMT -5
people who have mental illness can stay married its a tough road but it can be done... If a person does not want to take medication & will not even admit they have a problem and want out of a marriage what opinions are there ? One person CANNOT save a marriage ! Yes that's true. If a one person wants out, and won't admit there's a problem and accept help, then there's not much the other person can do.
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Post by Roselyn T on May 27, 2015 5:32:50 GMT -5
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Post by Roselyn T on May 27, 2015 5:36:29 GMT -5
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Post by snow on May 27, 2015 14:08:34 GMT -5
That is sad. How can people be committed to God and yet break their vows to each other? There are still parts of the USA where a serious error is being made on the divorce issue. Felicity, it sounds like you have been truly blessed by God with a good marriage. Hold on with both hands, because all marriages aren't like that! I'm so glad that you haven't experienced the pain and suffering inflicted by some people in marriage. You have an innocence in you regarding this. I'm sure if most marriages were as happy as yours seems to be, there wouldn't be very many divorces. I've been with my husband for over 20 years, men like him are like gold dust! If I had of met him at 16 I'd have been with him for life! Unfortunately that wasn't the case for me! but I leave that in Gods hands! Yes, I totally agree. I was beat around in my first marriage and didn't want my children growing up thinking that was the way marriage should be so I divorced. I have been with my second husband for almost 25 years now and like you, struck gold. If there really is a God I think he/she would be just fine with my divorce and remarriage because it gave my children an opportunity to see what a good marriage was like, gave my son a good role model, and my daughter a foundation for what to look for in her future husband. When people read the bible literally they often don't take into consideration the times it was written in, the laws that existed in those times, etc.
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Post by snow on May 27, 2015 14:09:37 GMT -5
Felicity, it sounds like you have been truly blessed by God with a good marriage. Hold on with both hands, because all marriages aren't like that! I'm so glad that you haven't experienced the pain and suffering inflicted by some people in marriage. You have an innocence in you regarding this. I'm sure if most marriages were as happy as yours seems to be, there wouldn't be very many divorces. I've been with my husband for over 20 years, men like him are like gold dust! If I had of met him at 16 I'd have been with him for life! Unfortunately that wasn't the case for me! but I leave that in Gods hands! The point I was trying to make in the above comment was that if both people love God and are truly committed to Him, then they will reflect this love and commitment to each other and to their marriage also. Difference is, neither of them are God.
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Post by emy on May 27, 2015 17:16:12 GMT -5
This all valid thinking for divorce. Now it would be good to hear what thinking supports remarriage.
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Post by snow on May 27, 2015 18:47:40 GMT -5
This all valid thinking for divorce. Now it would be good to hear what thinking supports remarriage. Children having the advantage of two parents again? Better quality of life because there might be more finances with two to support the family instead of just one. I'm sure there are many more reasons but those are two that came quickly to mind when you asked. Pretty hard to play parents against each other when you only have one... lol or if you're a single mom how do you get out of answering with 'go ask your dad'? jk
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Post by Roselyn T on May 27, 2015 19:00:05 GMT -5
This all valid thinking for divorce. Now it would be good to hear what thinking supports remarriage. What do you mean by "valid thinking for divorce"? Do you think we are trying to justify divorcing ?
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Post by Roselyn T on May 27, 2015 19:02:12 GMT -5
Ok lets go back to this statement then, "If both partners have a deep commitment to God and follow the commandments of Jesus, including "love one another as I have loved you" then how would it be possible to split up?&" To me this shows your lack of understanding of what can happen in a marriage, you seem to think that if both parties have this deep commitment that they will never split up, people change, circumstances change, as I asked before about mental illness do you understand how bi-polar effects people? No one that marries thinks they are going to divorce, but it happens ! How would you re-act if your husband decided he didn't want to go to meetings anymore Felicity ? People who have never experienced this seem to think they are immune & that it will never happen to them, yet they think they have all the answers. People split up because they can no longer live together without destroying each other & their children, people spilt up because one partner wants to live their life a different way. There are many reasons why people split up. people who have mental illness can stay married its a tough road but it can be done... You know this from experience Wally ?
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Post by Roselyn T on May 27, 2015 19:03:54 GMT -5
This all valid thinking for divorce. Now it would be good to hear what thinking supports remarriage. Children having the advantage of two parents again? Better quality of life because there might be more finances with two to support the family instead of just one. I'm sure there are many more reasons but those are two that came quickly to mind when you asked. Pretty hard to play parents against each other when you only have one... lol or if you're a single mom how do you get out of answering with 'go ask your dad'? jk I agree Snow ! In my situation I am so glad that I found a wonderful partner who has been there for my son's when their father wasn't.
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Post by snow on May 27, 2015 19:11:27 GMT -5
Children having the advantage of two parents again? Better quality of life because there might be more finances with two to support the family instead of just one. I'm sure there are many more reasons but those are two that came quickly to mind when you asked. Pretty hard to play parents against each other when you only have one... lol or if you're a single mom how do you get out of answering with 'go ask your dad'? jk I agree Snow ! In my situation I am so glad that I found a wonderful partner who has been there for my son's when their father wasn't. Me too. My son was not close to his biological father for many reasons, but he and his step father are quite close.
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Post by Deleted on May 27, 2015 20:11:11 GMT -5
people who have mental illness can stay married its a tough road but it can be done... You know this from experience Wally ? I have met a number of couples where one of them is mentally ill and have stayed married...it is tough on them(the non-mental spouse) for sure but they do it anyways...its even harder on the children cause they don't understand what is happening very well...
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Post by emy on May 27, 2015 21:13:45 GMT -5
This all valid thinking for divorce. Now it would be good to hear what thinking supports remarriage. What do you mean by "valid thinking for divorce"? Do you think we are trying to justify divorcing ? I was saying that there are valid reasons for divorce.
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Post by Roselyn T on May 27, 2015 21:21:28 GMT -5
Ok, thanks Emy !
Also thank you bringing up the subject " Now it would be good to hear what thinking supports remarriage."
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