Post by Alan Vandermyden on Dec 3, 2010 11:15:31 GMT -5
Now. I realize that letters (and their electronic versions!) mean a lot to some people, and I plead with you to understand that what I am trying to articulate here is not an indictment of letter-writing. But I am interested in the perceived "obligation" by many workers to keep up a heavy correspondence.
This was a big struggle for me in the work - or, perhaps it would be better defined as a source of guilt while in the work. And I know I was far from the only one - it was often a topic of conversation between companions and among the brother workers, and I probably discussed it with sister workers a few times too.
For me, there was pressure, both to keep up on amount of correspondence, and to share "spiritual" things, which, to me, was defined by other workers' letters. And some of those went on at length about "interest" and about that particular workers' "doings."
Workers' letters and writing styles do vary a lot, of course, and I did find some of them helpful - even a few who went on at length. Again, I'm not really talking so much about whether correspondence is good or not, or even about which letters a person finds more helpful, but the pressure I felt to measure up to certain standards in writing.
It's easy to say something like "Just do as the Lord leads you," or to say that there are no rules, we shouldn't worry about what others think, etc. But we all live within many circles of friends and acquaintances, and we all worry - to varying degrees - about what at least some people think. Why would we bother to match our clothes or to maintain a specific hair style if we didn't care at all?
I think some workers find it a bit easier to "be themselves," while some of us are/were very much bound to the fear of what others thought. Is this wrong? I don't worry that much about what's "right" or "wrong," or "how it should be," as much as just looking at a situation for what it is. I'm speaking here of my own experience, and why I felt guilty about not achieving a certain standard in correspondence. Others may have told me "don't worry about it," but all of us have a complex web of relationships, and we have varied ways of perceiving and relating to "power" and "authority." If we were taught as a child that workers (and other authority figures) were to be unquestioningly obeyed, we feel a tremendous pressure to do so into our adult lives.
I'm the eldest in my family, and the brother next to me evidently viewed "authority" much differently than I, being the one who basically did what he felt like doing, while I was always very fearful of going beyond bounds set by our parents, which I viewed as laws set there by God, something I was obligated to follow.
So, is it just my own fault that I felt in such bondage over correspondence? Well yes, it was my own fears, which no one but me could work beyond (though I greatly appreciate the help of companions and, later, instructors I have become close to that have helped me with advice and example). But, again, I'm not really into assigning and portioning out "blame." I've been on too many guilt trips already, and am not interested on putting anyone else on one either. But I am highly interested in analyzing each relationship of the web of relationships I live within, and then moderating my own words and actions to form the healthiest relationships that I can.
I'm straying from the topic of correspondence here, but then, am I really? Doesn't life consist of all these varied practices and relationships? I have learned to quit looking for someone "up there" to change things and to look at the "little" things in my life.
Hope this doesn't just sound confusing! I'm sure many of you have different feelings on correspondence, and I beg you not to take what I've said as a challenge, but rather as a point from which the various helpful and not-so-helpful aspects of correspondence can be discussed.
And also, for those who are not workers or "former workers," please place your comments in the "for eavesdroppers" thread - or begin a thread on the general board if the topic is of great enough interest to anyone.
This was a big struggle for me in the work - or, perhaps it would be better defined as a source of guilt while in the work. And I know I was far from the only one - it was often a topic of conversation between companions and among the brother workers, and I probably discussed it with sister workers a few times too.
For me, there was pressure, both to keep up on amount of correspondence, and to share "spiritual" things, which, to me, was defined by other workers' letters. And some of those went on at length about "interest" and about that particular workers' "doings."
Workers' letters and writing styles do vary a lot, of course, and I did find some of them helpful - even a few who went on at length. Again, I'm not really talking so much about whether correspondence is good or not, or even about which letters a person finds more helpful, but the pressure I felt to measure up to certain standards in writing.
It's easy to say something like "Just do as the Lord leads you," or to say that there are no rules, we shouldn't worry about what others think, etc. But we all live within many circles of friends and acquaintances, and we all worry - to varying degrees - about what at least some people think. Why would we bother to match our clothes or to maintain a specific hair style if we didn't care at all?
I think some workers find it a bit easier to "be themselves," while some of us are/were very much bound to the fear of what others thought. Is this wrong? I don't worry that much about what's "right" or "wrong," or "how it should be," as much as just looking at a situation for what it is. I'm speaking here of my own experience, and why I felt guilty about not achieving a certain standard in correspondence. Others may have told me "don't worry about it," but all of us have a complex web of relationships, and we have varied ways of perceiving and relating to "power" and "authority." If we were taught as a child that workers (and other authority figures) were to be unquestioningly obeyed, we feel a tremendous pressure to do so into our adult lives.
I'm the eldest in my family, and the brother next to me evidently viewed "authority" much differently than I, being the one who basically did what he felt like doing, while I was always very fearful of going beyond bounds set by our parents, which I viewed as laws set there by God, something I was obligated to follow.
So, is it just my own fault that I felt in such bondage over correspondence? Well yes, it was my own fears, which no one but me could work beyond (though I greatly appreciate the help of companions and, later, instructors I have become close to that have helped me with advice and example). But, again, I'm not really into assigning and portioning out "blame." I've been on too many guilt trips already, and am not interested on putting anyone else on one either. But I am highly interested in analyzing each relationship of the web of relationships I live within, and then moderating my own words and actions to form the healthiest relationships that I can.
I'm straying from the topic of correspondence here, but then, am I really? Doesn't life consist of all these varied practices and relationships? I have learned to quit looking for someone "up there" to change things and to look at the "little" things in my life.
Hope this doesn't just sound confusing! I'm sure many of you have different feelings on correspondence, and I beg you not to take what I've said as a challenge, but rather as a point from which the various helpful and not-so-helpful aspects of correspondence can be discussed.
And also, for those who are not workers or "former workers," please place your comments in the "for eavesdroppers" thread - or begin a thread on the general board if the topic is of great enough interest to anyone.