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Post by withopeneyes (Mandy) on Apr 5, 2006 10:28:18 GMT -5
Just curious-
If you could build the perfect mate, an encouraging, supportive, Christian mate, what qualities would they possess?
What do you need to feel loved?
How do you express your love?
What would you enjoy doing together?
This thread may seem out of place in this category, but I think we could use a little positivity.
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Post by for sure on Apr 5, 2006 10:35:48 GMT -5
yes,
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Post by Pete on Apr 5, 2006 11:33:12 GMT -5
Firstly, for me, they must have a deep love for "rice !" Such a foundation is an absolute must for me !
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Post by trigger on Apr 5, 2006 12:16:11 GMT -5
Thanks for posting this topic, I think we could definitely use some positivity on here right now!
When I set out looking for that special someone, I was still professing but was very disillusioned with the way, so was looking for someone who would understand my background, my feelings and my uncertain future. I was not looking specifically for an unprofessing man, or a professing one either, that never really crossed my mind, I just wanted someone who would be compassionate and caring and not judge me (ie. if I were to be with someone professing I hoped they would not take me for a sinful, bitter person who was wrong for questioning the way and who would write me off and abandon me, or judge me if I were to quit... similarly I feared that if I were to become involved with an un-professing guy that perhaps he would learn of my 2x2 history, think I was some weird cult-girl and run for the hills) I ofcourse also looked for compatibility points like shared interests and personality traits, but first and foremost I felt I needed someone who would be understanding and would love me unconditionally, not just through that stage of my life but all through my life whatever would come along. I did find this fellow, he was professing at the time but was the type who lived for God, not meetings or the workers or being professing, and although he did not see things the way I did and had not been through what I had been through, he was very kind and very supportive of me and my own choices as I became more and more opposed to the truth and eventually quit going to meeting. He later made the same choice, but it never really changed our relationship because we had always had that mutual understanding and care for each other, and nothing seemed to come between that.
Trigger
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Post by withopeneyes (Mandy) on Apr 5, 2006 12:42:32 GMT -5
Thanks for sharing!
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Post by i look 4 on Apr 5, 2006 20:29:07 GMT -5
money... lots & lots o' moolah hehehe
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Post by cornsilk on Apr 5, 2006 20:33:00 GMT -5
Ah.....the perfect mate! God gave him to me already! How can I EVER thank God enough for letting this wonderful man love me? And for letting me love him in return? It has never occured to either of us that we were anything but ordained by God to come together......and neither of us were Christians! God's work is an awesome mystery to me that I've given up on questioning.....I'm just thankful!
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Post by withopeneyes (Mandy) on Apr 5, 2006 20:37:35 GMT -5
Cornsilk- answer the rest of my questions- What do you enjoy doing together? What is his best qualities in your eyes? How do you express love? What does he do to make you feel loved? Man, Im nosey.  |
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Post by cornsilk on Apr 5, 2006 20:46:03 GMT -5
sheesh, I GUESS you're nosey!  Just suffice it to say that we FIT....does that make sense? He is my hero, the one who rescued me when I needed him most. He treats me like a queen. He is my king. He fathered two wonderful sons. He listens. He holds me when I'm afraid. His hands are warm and wonderful. He speaks the words of love. He's hilarious. He's kind to everyone. He indulges me to the point of spoiling. He cares. Bottom line? He loves God and believes. And we both know that God wanted us together. mmmms......somehow I feel I'm being tested! Did I fail yet again? |
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Post by withopeneyes (Mandy) on Apr 5, 2006 20:51:03 GMT -5
Hahaha, A+
I'm actually just at a point in my relationship where my husband and I really need to band together and just learn to set aside the petty things and unselfishly, self-lessly love.
I feel input on what people want and what people feel would be very helpful.
Probably giving too much information, but my husband and I were separated, but decided to give it another try- and I desperately want this to work.
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Post by ithascome on Apr 5, 2006 22:15:52 GMT -5
I talked with a man (a brother) the other day who recently lost his wife due to illness. He told me that they had been married for 31 years and he could not think of one time that they had ever argued. I wish I could say that... LOL.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 5, 2006 22:25:18 GMT -5
I worked it the other way around. I got good advice, be a godly man. Also, don't marry a christian girl, marry a godly woman (Pro. 31)
I wasn't looking, in fact i gave up dating because it always seemed to be such a hassle, and the Lord gave me my beautiful bride! She is the absolute best!
I tell the guys I know the same things...
karl
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sojourner not loggedin
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Post by sojourner not loggedin on Apr 5, 2006 23:48:21 GMT -5
Craig is wonderful, patient, kind, and honest. If we disagree-he quickly apologizes-even if I am wrong. He apologizes for having a bad spirit. With the kids, he absolutely, always, without fail-supports any decision I have made. The kids do not wedge between us. Craig was not a Godly man, nor I a Godly woman-thankfully, we both changed.
We just celebrated 26 years, the fights are very few. We disagree-but we talk. We talk about everything. While we talk we do not belittle the other ones thoughts and feelings. I am not better than he, nor he better than me. We are a team.
Talk......and listen avoid trying to persuade. It takes effort.
I wanted a spouse NOT like my father. And I was careful to choose a man completely opposite from him.
Kathy G.
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Post by Hals Gal on Apr 6, 2006 3:57:59 GMT -5
I guess we could choose our mate based on Hal's criteria [From the movie "Shallow Hal"]...
TONY ROBBINS: lt sounds like you've had some odd relationships.
HAL: Yeah. See, the problem is l'm kinda picky.
TONY ROBBINS: What do you mean, ''picky''?
HAL: Well, for instance, l like 'em real young. Like, did you ever see Paulina in her first Sports IIIustrated layout?
TONY ROBBINS: You're looking for a young Paulina type?!
HAL: That face, but with better headlights. You know how hers have kind of dimmed lately? Heidi Klum's beams would do. And her teeth.
Or that Britney Spears girl. She's got great knockers. But she's a tad muscular. Actually, you know what? Her a$$ would do, too, if she had a better grille.
Like Michelle Pfeiffer back when she did Grease. But she'd have to be a little smilier than Michelle.
Like Rebecca Romijn-Stamos, before she got Stamosed. But not as skinny. Someone meatier, like Heidi, but without the accent. You know those accents: yah-yah-yah-yah. They really get old fast.
You know what l'm saying. Someone like THAT.
TONY ROBBINS: Don't you think you're being a little bit shallow in the way you look at women?
HAL: Well, no. l mean, you know, l'd like her to be into culture and sh*t, too. ;D ;D
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Post by Pete on Apr 6, 2006 9:05:28 GMT -5
"As ye select your fruit in the store, so choose for yourself a soul mate. Reject that which is impure or bruised and you shall have ripe and sweet fruit."
Gene Nelson (1990's ?)
So Sound advice yet for many it comes too late !
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Post by cornsilk on Apr 6, 2006 16:28:02 GMT -5
witheyeswideopen..... I once heard a story about a native who went to another village to find a wife. The man talked to the girl's father and agreed on a price. The girl's father said, "she is no beauty, she's not worth as much as some girls, I'll take 2 cows for her"........ The wedding day approached. The man came to claim his bride, along with 10 cows! The girl's father was taken aback and asked why he was paying such a high price for the girl. The man answered, "I want a 10 cow wife. I'm paying for a 10 cow wife!" Interesting to me is that when I am treated with kindness, I react with kindness. When I am treated badly, I react badly. I don't think I'm unusual. I think my spouse wishes to be treated the absolute best I can treat him. That old addage, treat others as you would wish to be treated is certainly true, I think within a marriage. Growing up, I never saw a good marriage. My mother was married twice, my dad, three times. I learned how NOT to treat my spouse! Entering into matrimony was perhaps the scariest day of my life. With every fiber of who I was and who I am today, I know that the most precious person on this earth, to me, is the wonderful man I married. He trusts me. It's almost magic, but the most awesome thing I know in this life.....to love and to be loved! .......keeping on your knees is a BIG help too! |
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Post by withopeneyes (Mandy) on Apr 7, 2006 12:47:57 GMT -5
Cornsilk, I've heard that before, but it was refreshing to hear it again!
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Post by prayhard on Apr 15, 2006 21:01:41 GMT -5
This is a great thread.
If I may share me experience of feeling "loved" by a 'professing man' vs. being loved by a Christian man....
I dated a guy in "the truth," as many of you know. When I met him my impression was he was clean-cut, funny, seemingly sensitive, close to his mom and family-oriented, not to mention he was "involved with a group of people that met on Sundays."
I thought I finally found what I was looking for. Our first date included the topic of Christ, which was the most exciting thing for me....I could not believe I finally met a man who liked theological discussions.
I went to his "meetings" and felt like a fish out of water as it was a very different meeting then other churches have. I did not hear salvation, Christ's blood preached or, of all things, the GRACE God provides in His word. There was no application of such things.
I did not like the legalisms of rules or the stringent dress code. I completely disagreed with the doctrine of Jesus being thought of as just a "son, " and not deity, which I see the Bible to call Christ "mighty God" and "everlasting father" very clearly.
I voiced my thoughts and it was not well-received. For punishment of disagreeing, I was left to do all the giving, accomodating of schedules and initiating of affection.
I saw this man I was dating hide his tv from "friends", hide his true self (as he enjoyed bad TV shows, bad movies, and (uh-oh) - even an owned TV with cable access). I also grew to see a heart that did not truely desire God's presence, as prayer time together was non-existent, Bible study was void and worship was not allowed.
My spirit was suffocating for some reason.
I got out.
7 months later I met a man who spoke of the living Christ and the immense joy he has felt since inviting Christ to dwell within him. I found out this man prays everyday, studies his Bible, and worships - I mean WORSHIPS - Jesus. The heart he has for God exudes onto every soul that he encounters. He is the most sincere man I ever dated that really thirsts, thirsts,for God's presence. He genuinely relies on God for everything.
By conviction he hardly watches TV, bad movies and his love for God spills everywhere he goes.
Because of this deep love He has for Christ and the faith that he genuinely has (let me tell you, he is not bashful with anyone to say how much he loves and relies on Christ), I have been blessed with a shower of love and affection that I have NEVER felt before. I am the most peaceful relationship I have ever had.
We pray everyday over EVERYTHING, we worship together and live by true conviction, not by man's pressure to conform. It's actually been very liberating.
I feel like one of the luckiest gals...it's a dream to find such a man who really lives as a "Christian, " and not as an image.
For me a"truther" was a facade. A true Christian is a man/person who needs, trusts and totally invests in communication with God.
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IQ
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Post by IQ on Apr 16, 2006 14:22:41 GMT -5
I am so very happy for you Prayhard.
May God's blessing be with you always in your new found love relationship.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us.
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Post by withopeneyes (Mandy) on Apr 16, 2006 22:06:02 GMT -5
I completely understand where you are coming from prayhard. Thanks for sharing!
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Post by jxr on Apr 17, 2006 6:47:47 GMT -5
I talked with a man (a brother) the other day who recently lost his wife due to illness. He told me that they had been married for 31 years and he could not think of one time that they had ever argued. I wish I could say that... LOL. This doesn't mean they never argued. Just that he never dwelt on such events long enough for them to burn into his memory. The point of forgiveness and moving on, I think, is a better one than avoiding hard situations for the sake of 'peace'. I find it hard to believe that anyone could live with another for 31 years and not get a bit tetchy at times. |
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Post by Pte on Apr 17, 2006 7:09:30 GMT -5
When a wife forgiveth her husband's wrong, it is not for her to reheat and serve again.
Gene Nelson (UTC 12:24, 28 May 1985) Standing at an open refrigerator searching for gastronomic inspiration.
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Post by happy on Apr 17, 2006 7:54:36 GMT -5
It would be my advice to look for a Christian mate. Someone with whom you can grow spiritually and learn together. My husband and I are still building together, even though it took my building being "torn down" so we could start fresh. A few years ago, we attended a Family Life "weekend to remember"...it was the beginning of healing in our marriage. I reccomend it to all.
To feel loved....he makes me coffee every morning, always kisses me goodbye and hello. He compliments me...those little things are really cool.
I express my love by taking care of him and our children, lots of hugs and smiles, text messages during the day (a little colorful sometimes, just for fun), compliments, words....
We enjoy outdoor stuff together. Even work!! We also enjoy sitting by the fire in the winter and just feeling at home. We love camping and fishing, four wheeling, motorcycling.
Come on, can't we share how we fight too??? Ha ha. (First, we get out the iron skillets.....)
A happy marriage is one where you never stop talking....about everything. The more we bare our TRUE feelings, the closer we are. (I didn't always do that about spiritual things.)
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Post by spiderman on Apr 17, 2006 8:32:57 GMT -5
witheyeswideopen..... I once heard a story about a native who went to another village to find a wife. The man talked to the girl's father and agreed on a price. The girl's father said, "she is no beauty, she's not worth as much as some girls, I'll take 2 cows for her"........ The wedding day approached. The man came to claim his bride, along with 10 cows! The girl's father was taken aback and asked why he was paying such a high price for the girl. The man answered, "I want a 10 cow wife. I'm paying for a 10 cow wife!" Interesting to me is that when I am treated with kindness, I react with kindness. When I am treated badly, I react badly. I don't think I'm unusual. I think my spouse wishes to be treated the absolute best I can treat him. That old addage, treat others as you would wish to be treated is certainly true, I think within a marriage. Growing up, I never saw a good marriage. My mother was married twice, my dad, three times. I learned how NOT to treat my spouse! Entering into matrimony was perhaps the scariest day of my life. With every fiber of who I was and who I am today, I know that the most precious person on this earth, to me, is the wonderful man I married. He trusts me. It's almost magic, but the most awesome thing I know in this life.....to love and to be loved! .......keeping on your knees is a BIG help too! Cornsilk, That was very inspiring, especially since I know and love the man of whom you speak. When I met the woman who would eventually become my wife I really wasn't looking for one. At that point I was really gun shy of women altogether, but I couldn't keep my mind or my eyes off of her. I was completely and thoroughly in love and the only thing that kept me from her for the first year I knew her, was the friends and workers. Finally the "OK" came down and the door was opened and within a couple of months we were married. After 27 years I'm still completely taken with her (I think she loves me too). Oh yea, and I think she is more of a true Christian now than she was when I first met her, being able to see through exclusivity, and I count that as a Gift from God and always have and always will. |
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Post by Peter on Apr 17, 2006 15:54:33 GMT -5
By the way "pte" the author of post #21 is not the real "Pete" who now has to post as Peter ! I guess "pte" is the registered "pete" still trying to sow confusion.
"Take heed of the subtilty of weasel ! Doth not its dance transfix its prey as it moves in for the kill ? So too, beware ye, the leaven of the counterfeiter, for he seeketh to deceive you and taketh away that, that thine have !"
Gene Nelson - 1999 - South Dakota, to a Native American squaw on the point of eating a bar of chocolate (milk variety).
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Post by horsewoman on Apr 17, 2006 16:51:26 GMT -5
Funny....GN's words speak TRUTH to me today! Thanks for posting Peter.
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Post by cornsilk on Apr 17, 2006 17:10:54 GMT -5
[glow=red,2,300]Cornsilk, That was very inspiring, especially since I know and love the man of whom you speak. When I met the woman who would eventually become my wife I really wasn't looking for one. At that point I was really gun shy of women altogether, but I couldn't keep my mind or my eyes off of her. I was completely and thoroughly in love and the only thing that kept me from her for the first year I knew her, was the friends and workers. Finally the "OK" came down and the door was opened and within a couple of months we were married. After 27 years I'm still completely taken with her (I think she loves me too). Oh yea, and I think she is more of a true Christian now than she was when I first met her, being able to see through exclusivity, and I count that as a Gift from God and always have and always will.[/glow] Well, Spiderman, I also know and love the woman of whom you speak! I can honestly say that when one is with the two of you, your love radiates for each other. You two are truly blessed to have one another. .....must be a hot tub thing of somethin'..................  |
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Post by 1x1 on Apr 17, 2006 19:25:39 GMT -5
hello
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