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Post by fixit on Sept 9, 2014 18:00:14 GMT -5
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Post by bitterbetty on Sept 20, 2014 13:33:41 GMT -5
Thank you fixit for posting this. I would say at the MINIMUM there is a lot of baggage that comes with someone who has been sexually abused as a child. They may not even be aware of this baggage. They may think they have worked through their issues and come out the victor, but as long as they need to garner sympathy and attention because of this abuse, they still have major issues that need work.
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Post by kurtzphil69 on Sept 20, 2014 13:58:59 GMT -5
Thank you fixit for posting this. I would say at the MINIMUM there is a lot of baggage that comes with someone who has been sexually abused as a child. They may not even be aware of this baggage. They may think they have worked through their issues and come out the victor, but as long as they need to garner sympathy and attention because of this abuse, they still have major issues that need work. While I agree with you that some people can get sort of trapped into a "poor me" type of mindset and syndrome, I feel I need to point that too often people DON'T want to hear about sexual abuse, don't want to listen and certainly don't wish to discuss it. They want to shut the victims up. This is not good either.
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Post by bitterbetty on Sept 20, 2014 14:01:26 GMT -5
Thank you fixit for posting this. I would say at the MINIMUM there is a lot of baggage that comes with someone who has been sexually abused as a child. They may not even be aware of this baggage. They may think they have worked through their issues and come out the victor, but as long as they need to garner sympathy and attention because of this abuse, they still have major issues that need work. While I agree with you that some people can get sort of trapped into a "poor me" type of mindset and syndrome, I feel I need to point that too often people DON'T want to hear about sexual abuse, don't want to listen and certainly don't wish to discuss it. They want to shut the victims up. This is not good either. Please! Don't get me wrong! I'm not trying to shut people up. Let me tell you as a long time nurse, the last thing I tend to do is shut people up. In fact, I've always had a reputation for being the kind of person that can OPEN people up, not shut them up.
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Post by kurtzphil69 on Sept 20, 2014 14:54:32 GMT -5
While I agree with you that some people can get sort of trapped into a "poor me" type of mindset and syndrome, I feel I need to point that too often people DON'T want to hear about sexual abuse, don't want to listen and certainly don't wish to discuss it. They want to shut the victims up. This is not good either. Please! Don't get me wrong! I'm not trying to shut people up. Let me tell you as a long time nurse, the last thing I tend to do is shut people up. In fact, I've always had a reputation for being the kind of person that can OPEN people up, not shut them up. Perhaps it is that the more a person is WILLING to talk about the abuse, the more they have resolved their issues. A willingness to talk about it has always signaled that a person has come a ways in the their path of healing.
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Post by bubbles on Sept 20, 2014 21:26:36 GMT -5
I had a conversation with my friend today. Havent spoken in yr? E discovered her bf had been involved in CSA. He told her what he did and why he did it. The conversation led to the question of men not being able or willing to discuss why/how it began. What caused it? Ive been told the reason some men who prefer older women is because their first sexual experience was with an older woman. Also been told that people want to recapture the feeling of the first kiss. Does this mean that pedophiles want/lust for that first childhood exploration experience? In Australia they are wanting to bring in a law that kids under 16 in puberty can later be accused of pedophile if they have a sexual experience with another minor (even tho they are a minor themself when it happens.
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Post by elizabethcoleman on Sept 22, 2014 8:33:13 GMT -5
I know a number of people who were sexually abused as minors. We probably all know some. These weren't necessarily within the fellowship, in fact most of the cases I know about were nothing to do with the fellowship. But the point I make is this - even for those who were closest to me, I didn't know about their abuse for a long time. My experience is that for those who are abused, most bury it very, very deep. Perhaps it is too painful to bring up, perhaps they just want to get on with their lives, perhaps they don't want to be one of "those people" who others remember as someone who was abused. Some bring it up after many, many years because they feel they are finally strong enough to face it and start to deal with it. They will then share with those they trust.
In all the cases I have known, there was only one who may have used it for a level of garnering sympathy, but there were a lot of complex issues going on in her traumatised and very young teenage mind, and wider life circumstances. And even she still wanted the information not too widely known.
I think for anyone to publicly acknowledge that they have been abused is one of the hardest things in the world. Very few are willing to talk about. Does it mean they have/haven't resolved issues associated with it? Perhaps it is a little like returning from the atrocities of war. Some need to talk. Some suffer trauma so deep they will never talk about it. Some turn to alcohol to numb the pain.
I think humans have different mechanisms for coping, and many do what works for them. I don't think any of us bystanders can judge how well the "issues have been resolved" just by observing those who have been affected, and those who are more willing to talk about it. Perhaps that is just their method of coping.
I read a heartbreaking book recently called "Hell on the Way to Heaven" about two young sisters who were abused within the catholic church. One committed suicide. The other turned to alcohol, and was hit by a car one night while on a bender, suffering irreparable brain damage. Their mother wrote the book. The family live here in Australia, I think in Melbourne. This is an important book for understanding just how well children can hide what is happening to them, and their inability to comprehend what is really happening and make someone aware. It is also important for realising how predators can access children when their parents think their children are completely safe and protected.
One thing is for certain - whatever level of healing may take place, the effects are indeed still life-destroying for many.
For those who do become outspoken about their abuse, I seriously doubt it is in any way to garner sympathy. It is probably simply a desire to publicise the issue for the greater good - stop the secrecy and speak out in the hope that others will be more aware, and others spared a similar fate. I think such people have a strong desire to protect others.
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Post by mdm on Sept 22, 2014 11:33:41 GMT -5
Here are some comments on Wings to our letter to Overseers that show how life-destroying CSA is:
"OUR 16 year old daughter was sexually molested and it certainly would have led to MUCH more if our younger daughter had not witnessed his hand slide up her sister’s leg and under her denim mini-skirt as he pleaded with her to go into his bedroom with him where he would remove his shirt so she could “GIVE ME A REAL BACK RUB”. Sobbing, she told me, “Mom, he really wanted something else rubbed!!! When I reported the ‘creep’s’ behaviour to [our overseer] who was accompanied by two other workers they all staunchly defended the ‘monster’. When I informed the furious ‘with me’ workers that I was prepared for legal action, [the overseer], without consulting with me, quickly made arrangements to export the ‘creep’ to Japan as though there aren’t beautiful young, molestable ladies there, our precious daughter made an almost successful suicide attempt (found just in time by the same younger sister), she was soon tragically killed in a highway wreck by a sleeping driver, and I was kicked out of the 2×2 cult. Our younger daughter (13 years old) was severely traumatized by what she saw ‘A WORKER’ do, but then he did or said something…likely a vicious threat…to her that had her screaming in anger about him. Whatever happened has been kept to herself. She just couldn’t talk about him, but I was keenly aware of her hatred for him. 14 1/2 months after the first death, our eldest daughter was killed in a drunken wreck. Oh, there is sooooo much more to the tragic story. My maternal heartache is beyond words."
"I am one of the many excommunicated in Alberta, because we could not would support the ministry as we know of it, questions asked, no answers given. My granddaughter was molested by her school teacher in elementary school along with four students. He committed suicide rather then face jail term. The victims are still struggling with the traumatic experience, after 20+ years. I sent my nephew the update of wings that I received from some one on FB, because he has a lovely little family, and wanted him to be aware. He replied they didn’t read stuff like that. Makes my heart ache to think of them being unwilling to read something that could affect their children, FOREVER, because they would sooner believe the workers are perfect, than face facts."
"Our family was destroyed by sexual abuse against our daughter who was 14 at the time by a senior worker in the UK. No action was taken against him and he was allowed to remain in the Work. I was advised not to go to the authorities at the time, Would I do things differently today? You bet …"
"...Let me add here that CSA is a most dreadful crime! I have had my own experience of being a rape victim while drunk at the age of 20, and have come to know that CSA existed in my own family, albeit I didn’t know of it until after 2000. As a therapist, I came to know that CSA creates dreadful consequences for the victim/survivor and often for the family, especially in religious groups. I worked with survivors of different abuses from differing cultic groups, and I had a colleague who worked with at least one CSA case from the 2x2s. Most of my CSA clients took about 2 years of weekly-sessioned intensive therapy before they gained enough personal authority and wellness to launch back into their lives a changed more integrated person..."
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Post by Deleted on Sept 22, 2014 13:33:54 GMT -5
I am very sorry to read of the victims of such experiences, they do not deserve such disruption and abuse in their lives. Many years ago 1970's / 1980's, When I was a student in University in the UK studying Social and Behavioural Science, we were often told that all it took for the perpetrators of such crimes to act was, the opportunity and the inclination. Are there any opportunities in religious organization to do these things? There surely are Many such opportunities presented, and obviously they are many with the inclination to abuse lurking within these organizations. It is therefore very important that in all walks of life, and churches are no exception, steps must be taken to protect, secure and defend the innocent victims, minors as well as adults, from abusers. God expects all christain minded people to do the right things; the perpetrators obviously need help too, so they should be exposed so that they can get the necessary help they need; without help, I very much doubt that the "inclination" will go away naturally, that is why many are repeated offenders, it is no good moving them from point A to point B without treatment and close supervision for a while. .
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Post by bubbles on Sept 22, 2014 17:44:30 GMT -5
Maja
Your story is heart wrenching.
This is controversial but David Icke speaks about how prevalent it is in high places and how it is on the increase. Credo Mutwa in south Africa made interesting comments of what motivates some. Referring to the energy of virgins. Pure energy. I know for most it is the result of a perverted mind. But it sounds like there are deeper sinister evil spiritual reasons.
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Post by mdm on Sept 22, 2014 20:37:08 GMT -5
Maja Your story is heart wrenching. This is controversial but David icke speaks about how prevalent it is in high places and how it is 9n the increase. Credo Mutwa in south Africa made interesting comments of what motivates some. Referring to the energy of virgins. Pure energy. I know for most it is the result of a perverted mind. But it sounds like there are deeper sinister evil spiritual reasons. Bubbles, just want to make sure we are on the same page: this not "my story," but comments of different people left on the Wings for Truth website.
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Post by bubbles on Sept 23, 2014 5:02:51 GMT -5
Thank you maja.
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Post by xna on Sept 26, 2014 19:57:40 GMT -5
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