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Humor
Jul 27, 2014 11:54:06 GMT -5
faune likes this
Post by snow on Jul 27, 2014 11:54:06 GMT -5
The story behind the letter below is that there is this nutball in Newport, Rhode Island named Scott Williams. What he does is dig things out of his backyard and then send them to the Smithsonian Institute. Scot labels his exhibits with scientific names, insisting that they are actual archaeological finds. This man really exists and does this in his spare time! Anyway... here's the actual response from the Smithsonian Institution. Bear this letter in mind next time you think you are challenged in your job to respond to a difficult situation in writing. Smithsonian Institute, 207 Pennsylvania Avenue Washington, DC 20078
Dear Mr. Williams,
Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labelled '93211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post... Hominid skull.' Funny true story - Smithsonian Exhibit
We have given this specimen a careful and detailed examination, and regret to inform you that we disagree with your theory that it represents conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in Charleston County two million years ago. Rather, it appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie doll, of the variety that one of our staff, who has small children, believes to be 'Malibu Barbie.'
It is evident that you have given a great deal of thought to the analysis of this specimen, and you may be quite certain that those of us who are familiar with your prior work in the field were loathe to come to contradict your findings. However, we do feel that there are a number of physical attributes of the specimen which might have tipped you off to its modern origin:
1. The material is moulded plastic. Ancient hominid remains are typically fossilised bone.
2. The cranial capacity of the specimen is approximately 9 cubic centimetres, well below the threshold of even the earliest identified proto-hominids.
3. The dentition pattern evident on the skull is more consistent with the common domesticated dog than it is with the ravenous man-eating Pliocene clams you speculate roamed the wetlands during that time.
This latter finding is certainly one of the most intriguing hypotheses you have submitted in your history with this institution, but the evidence seems to weigh rather heavily against it. Without going into too much detail, let us say that:
1. The specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll that a dog has chewed on.
2. Clams don't have teeth.
It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we must deny your request to have the specimen carbon-dated. This is partially due to the heavy load our lab must bear in its normal operation, and partly due to carbon-datings notorious inaccuracy in fossils of recent geologic record.
To the best of our knowledge, no Barbie dolls were produced prior to 1956 AD, and carbon-dating is likely to produce wildly inaccurate results.
Sadly, we must also deny your request that we approach the National Science Foundation Phylogeny Department with the concept of assigning your specimen the scientific name Australopithecus spiff-arino. Speaking personally, I, for one, fought tenaciously for the acceptance of your proposed taxonomy, but was ultimately voted down because the species name you selected was hyphenated, and didn't really sound like it might be Latin.
However, we gladly accept your generous donation of this fascinating specimen to the museum. While it is undoubtedly not a Hominid fossil, it is, nonetheless, yet another riveting example of the great body of work you seem to accumulate here so effortlessly. You should know that our Director has reserved a special shelf in his own office for the display of the specimens you have previously submitted to the Institution, and the entire staff speculates daily on what you will happen upon next in your digs at the site you have discovered in your Newport back yard.
We eagerly anticipate your trip to our nation's capital that you proposed in your last letter, and several of us are pressing the Director to pay for it. We are particularly interested in hearing you expand on your theories surrounding the trans-positating fillifitation of ferrous ions in a structural matrix that makes the excellent juvenile Tyrannosaurus Rex femur you recently discovered take on the deceptive appearance of a rusty 9-mm Sears Craftsman automotive crescent wrench.
Yours in Science, Harvey Rowe Chief Curator-Antiquities
Someone just got an A in public relations lol. Personally I think that talk would be riveting..... who knew!
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Post by BobWilliston on Jul 27, 2014 18:50:36 GMT -5
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Post by Gene on Jul 27, 2014 19:19:52 GMT -5
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Humor
Jul 28, 2014 10:33:53 GMT -5
Post by rational on Jul 28, 2014 10:33:53 GMT -5
I tried but could not come up with a short barb no matter how I parsed the sentence!
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Post by Gene on Jul 28, 2014 12:23:29 GMT -5
I tried but could not come up with a short barb no matter how I parsed the sentence! Yes, well, barbs are best left in the hands of professionals.
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Humor
Jul 28, 2014 17:27:30 GMT -5
Post by Gene on Jul 28, 2014 17:27:30 GMT -5
Image: Why is English so much fun? "All the faith he had had had had no effect on the outcome of his life." Because that sentence makes total sense.. As does this one: James while John had had had had had had had had had had had a better effect on the teacher (PS: Punctuation helps) James, while John had had "had", had had "had had"; "had had" had had a better effect on the teacher. Source: Wikipedia
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Post by xna on Jul 28, 2014 18:02:42 GMT -5
Image: Why is English so much fun? "All the faith he had had had had no effect on the outcome of his life." Because that sentence makes total sense.. As does this one: James while John had had had had had had had had had had had a better effect on the teacher (PS: Punctuation helps) James, while John had had "had", had had "had had"; "had had" had had a better effect on the teacher. Source: Wikipedia Attachments:
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Humor
Jul 28, 2014 18:17:43 GMT -5
Post by snow on Jul 28, 2014 18:17:43 GMT -5
As does this one: James while John had had had had had had had had had had had a better effect on the teacher (PS: Punctuation helps) James, while John had had "had", had had "had had"; "had had" had had a better effect on the teacher. Source: Wikipedia Oh my, why does this give me the chills and send me back to Grade 12 English Lit class ... Visions of Beowulf recited by a teacher with a thick accent.
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Post by Gene on Jul 28, 2014 18:45:17 GMT -5
Would you believe you can use the word "and" 21 times consecutively and it makes sense?
"Wouldn't the sentence 'I want to put a hyphen between the words Fish and And and And and Chips in my Fish-And-Chips sign' have been clearer if quotation marks had been placed before Fish, and between Fish and and, and and and And, and And and and, and and and And, and And and and, and and and Chips, as well as after Chips?"
(also Wikipedia)
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Humor
Jul 28, 2014 20:25:47 GMT -5
Annan likes this
Post by BobWilliston on Jul 28, 2014 20:25:47 GMT -5
Image: Why is English so much fun? "All the faith he had had had had no effect on the outcome of his life." Because that sentence makes total sense.. As does this one: James while John had had had had had had had had had had had a better effect on the teacher (PS: Punctuation helps) James, while John had had "had", had had "had had"; "had had" had had a better effect on the teacher. Source: Wikipedia I had a hard enough time figuring out the first version.
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Humor
Jul 28, 2014 22:32:58 GMT -5
faune likes this
Post by BobWilliston on Jul 28, 2014 22:32:58 GMT -5
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Post by dmmichgood on Jul 28, 2014 23:10:50 GMT -5
I have need to absolutely quit visiting this "humor" thread!
I am spending way too much ink of copies of these pictures and my refrigerator is running out space as well!
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Post by rational on Jul 29, 2014 0:44:00 GMT -5
Recent: The LORD’s out in front 'n He's got my back He gets me to the spot where I can jus' chill wit' Him He shows me how to find the free 'n quiet flowPut'n' me back on track when I get outta whack He gets me to the right spot wit' Him for His rep’s sake Even when I'm walk'n' through the valley of the shadow of my neighborhood I ain' go'n' fear no evil, because You bein' wit' me is my Truest Protection You check'n' 'n lead'n' me lets me know You really ARE look'n' out for me I ain' go'n' stress – wit' You ah'ma be ah-ight You lay out a spread before me – hook'n' it all up right out in front of those out to get me True. I am a marked man – marked by YOU – feel'n' the full flava of Your fava' My soul's crazy buggin' wit' Your overflow, God! F'real – His goodness 'n' fava' both be gettin' wit' me ev'ry day of my stay here 'N' yo! check it – ah'ma be all up in the house of the LORD – 4-ever.
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Post by faune on Jul 29, 2014 0:55:18 GMT -5
I couldn't resist posting this photo, as the Snickers' commercial always cracks me up when it comes on TV with Betty White playing football.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=bXL8QPWLbBo
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Post by faune on Jul 29, 2014 1:06:21 GMT -5
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Post by faune on Jul 29, 2014 1:17:43 GMT -5
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Humor
Jul 29, 2014 1:25:09 GMT -5
Post by faune on Jul 29, 2014 1:25:09 GMT -5
For Rational...our Board Cat lover ~ NOT! At least this picture beats his skillet picture with the little kitten under the glass cover.
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Humor
Jul 29, 2014 1:37:46 GMT -5
Post by faune on Jul 29, 2014 1:37:46 GMT -5
Anybody on TMB missing their black cat? She's running off copies of herself to find her owner.
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Humor
Jul 29, 2014 9:58:12 GMT -5
faune likes this
Post by snow on Jul 29, 2014 9:58:12 GMT -5
faune, that's where he got to!!! Good to know. (referring to the black cat)
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Humor
Jul 29, 2014 10:36:30 GMT -5
snow likes this
Post by faune on Jul 29, 2014 10:36:30 GMT -5
faune, that's where he got to!!! Good to know. (referring to the black cat)
Snow ~ I was wondering when somebody would show up and claim her black kitty? I thought perhaps Matisse would put in a claim, too, since her avatar is a close up picture of her black kitty, too?
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Post by BobWilliston on Jul 30, 2014 1:55:56 GMT -5
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Humor
Jul 30, 2014 21:49:34 GMT -5
faune likes this
Post by BobWilliston on Jul 30, 2014 21:49:34 GMT -5
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Post by xna on Jul 31, 2014 13:41:07 GMT -5
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Humor
Aug 1, 2014 13:43:33 GMT -5
snow likes this
Post by BobWilliston on Aug 1, 2014 13:43:33 GMT -5
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Humor
Aug 1, 2014 14:49:17 GMT -5
Annan likes this
Post by BobWilliston on Aug 1, 2014 14:49:17 GMT -5
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Post by BobWilliston on Aug 1, 2014 23:23:13 GMT -5
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Post by BobWilliston on Aug 2, 2014 22:07:44 GMT -5
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Humor
Aug 3, 2014 16:16:26 GMT -5
Post by BobWilliston on Aug 3, 2014 16:16:26 GMT -5
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