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Post by BobWilliston on Jul 18, 2014 22:10:04 GMT -5
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Humor
Jul 18, 2014 23:27:46 GMT -5
faune likes this
Post by dmmichgood on Jul 18, 2014 23:27:46 GMT -5
Thanks everyone for the humor, I was in sorely need of it!
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Post by BobWilliston on Jul 20, 2014 20:26:37 GMT -5
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Post by faune on Jul 20, 2014 22:39:54 GMT -5
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Post by curlywurlysammagee on Jul 21, 2014 3:15:47 GMT -5
A dog had followed his owner to school. His owner was a fourth grader at a public elementary school. However, when the bell rang, the dog sidled inside the building and made it all the way to the child's classroom before a tea cher noticed and shooed him outside, closing the door behind him. The dog sat down, whimpered and stared at the closed doors. Then God appeared beside the dog, patted his head, and said, 'Don't feel bad fella'...they won't let ME in either'. Thank God that our education system in NZ is secular and largely devoid of religious cranks.
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Post by BobWilliston on Jul 22, 2014 17:15:56 GMT -5
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Humor
Jul 22, 2014 22:31:17 GMT -5
faune likes this
Post by BobWilliston on Jul 22, 2014 22:31:17 GMT -5
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Humor
Jul 22, 2014 23:40:57 GMT -5
Post by curlywurlysammagee on Jul 22, 2014 23:40:57 GMT -5
wow, looks like he had a close shave.
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Post by faune on Jul 24, 2014 22:20:31 GMT -5
This commercial reminded me of a certain thread on TMB which is on its second round of rehashing the same old topic over and over again! Any guesses what thread that might be?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=5BQITyhgUCM
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Humor
Jul 24, 2014 22:26:30 GMT -5
faune likes this
Post by BobWilliston on Jul 24, 2014 22:26:30 GMT -5
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Humor
Jul 24, 2014 22:31:27 GMT -5
faune likes this
Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2014 22:31:27 GMT -5
The number of posts in a TMB thread before CSA is mentioned.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2014 22:34:04 GMT -5
Q: How many atheists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None. They're never in the dark. A: None. Atheists question whether it's really light anyway. A: None. Atheists never "see the light" anyway do they ?
Q: How many workers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
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Humor
Jul 24, 2014 22:37:35 GMT -5
faune likes this
Post by dmmichgood on Jul 24, 2014 22:37:35 GMT -5
This commercial reminded me of a certain thread on TMB which is on its second round of rehashing the same old topic over and over again! Any guesses what thread that might be?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=5BQITyhgUCM
Now who on earth are you you talking about, faune?
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Humor
Jul 24, 2014 22:43:24 GMT -5
Post by faune on Jul 24, 2014 22:43:24 GMT -5
The number of posts in a TMB thread before CSA is mentioned. Passerby ~ Did you see my Duracell Bunny commercial a few posts back? I believe you guessed the thread that reminded me of this cute little bunny banging his drum? However, the closest emoticon I could find on the subject was this dancing cat in the hat who just keeps on going. LOL
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Post by faune on Jul 24, 2014 22:51:18 GMT -5
I just loved this old Ray Stevens video about the squirrel that goes wild in the First Self Righteous Church in Mississippi and brings the whole congregation to their knees.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=K16fG1sDagU The Mississippi Squirrel Revival ~ Ray Stevens
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Humor
Jul 24, 2014 22:57:13 GMT -5
Post by faune on Jul 24, 2014 22:57:13 GMT -5
This commercial reminded me of a certain thread on TMB which is on its second round of rehashing the same old topic over and over again! Any guesses what thread that might be?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=5BQITyhgUCM
Now who on earth are you you talking about, faune? Dmmichgood ~ I gave up following the thread a good while back and totally missed the sequel, so I don't know who's the last man or woman standing to date? I guess I'm more like that doggie in the video above taking a much needed nap after all the commotion?
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Deleted
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Humor
Jul 24, 2014 23:08:05 GMT -5
faune likes this
Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2014 23:08:05 GMT -5
Faune, yeah I like the duracell ad, there was a series of them down here. I like the spontaneous humor posters bring to a thread. For some reason this forum seems less humorous than others I inhabit. Maybe there is a cultural gap or the subject matter.
Whatever, I was hoping posters might have a funny retort to my question, how many workers does it take to change a lightbulb. Mine are too lame to post.
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Humor
Jul 24, 2014 23:08:36 GMT -5
snow likes this
Post by faune on Jul 24, 2014 23:08:36 GMT -5
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Humor
Jul 24, 2014 23:42:00 GMT -5
snow likes this
Post by faune on Jul 24, 2014 23:42:00 GMT -5
Q: How many atheists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None. They're never in the dark. A: None. Atheists question whether it's really light anyway. A: None. Atheists never "see the light" anyway do they ? Q: How many workers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Passerby ~ Perhaps a possible answer to that riddle would be similar in content to what some feel atheists might give in response to those questions? Workers within the 2x2's seem to believe they're the source of all true light, question and/or deny the light observed in churches or people outside their domain, and almost never see the light themselves due to their own delusions of grandeur over believing they're the one and only way of salvation found within the world today. I doubt John 3:16 even registers on workers' radar today, as they tend to believe they have the exclusive corner on salvation and anybody outside their fold are to be considered lost souls?
However, in all fairness to atheists, they make no claims as to belief in any gods, heaven or hell, so they don't get so frustrated over who's right or who's wrong within the religious world and they seem to enjoy living life in the moment until their final curtain day. Somehow, atheists don't seem so encumbered with keeping up appearances either, since they consider this life all they have to make their mark in this world and leave any lasting legacy, since they don't believe in an afterlife either?
biblehub.com/john/3-16.htm
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Post by fred on Jul 25, 2014 5:56:05 GMT -5
Change ??.............
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Jul 25, 2014 9:55:55 GMT -5
Post by snow on Jul 25, 2014 9:55:55 GMT -5
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Jul 25, 2014 9:56:42 GMT -5
Post by faune on Jul 25, 2014 9:56:42 GMT -5
Here's another variation of that old joke? It tends to remind me of repetitive threads that never run down due to "last word syndrome."
Q: How many social workers does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: Four. One to remove the bulb from the socket and take it away, without checking whether or not there was actually anything wrong with it, one to accuse its owners of mistreating it, one to find somewhere else to screw it in for the next 6 months, and one to eventually bring it back and say it was all done with the lightbulb's best interests at heart.
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Post by curlywurlysammagee on Jul 25, 2014 15:19:54 GMT -5
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Post by BobWilliston on Jul 25, 2014 23:39:50 GMT -5
A Forgiving Man
An old trap shooter in a little town south of Montezuma went to see his undertaker to make plans for his funeral before his death. When it came to the pallbearers he named off six. The undertaker was quite surprised at this.
“John,” he says, “these guys were your worst enemies on the trap field. How come them?”
“Yeah, I know” says John, “but I want the world to know that I am a real forgiving Christian and can do things like that.”
The undertaker beams for such a fine man. “And,” he says, “this 500 pounds of shot that you want in your casket is in memory of a lifetime of shooting?”
“God no!” says John. “I want to give them all hernias!” "
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Jul 25, 2014 23:45:46 GMT -5
Post by dmmichgood on Jul 25, 2014 23:45:46 GMT -5
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Post by BobWilliston on Jul 26, 2014 21:55:22 GMT -5
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Humor
Jul 27, 2014 2:29:39 GMT -5
Post by faune on Jul 27, 2014 2:29:39 GMT -5
Old People Jokes
Three old guys are out walking.. First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?' Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!' Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer.' ____________________
I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject t o blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license. ____________________
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over. ____________________
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. 'Wal-Mart?' the preacher exclaimed. 'Why Wal-Mart?' 'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week.'
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Post by Annan on Jul 27, 2014 9:18:33 GMT -5
The story behind the letter below is that there is this nutball in Newport, Rhode Island named Scott Williams. What he does is dig things out of his backyard and then send them to the Smithsonian Institute. Scot labels his exhibits with scientific names, insisting that they are actual archaeological finds.
This man really exists and does this in his spare time!
Anyway... here's the actual response from the Smithsonian Institution. Bear this letter in mind next time you think you are challenged in your job to respond to a difficult situation in writing.
Smithsonian Institute, 207 Pennsylvania Avenue Washington, DC 20078
Dear Mr. Williams,
Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labelled '93211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post... Hominid skull.' Funny true story - Smithsonian Exhibit
We have given this specimen a careful and detailed examination, and regret to inform you that we disagree with your theory that it represents conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in Charleston County two million years ago. Rather, it appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie doll, of the variety that one of our staff, who has small children, believes to be 'Malibu Barbie.'
It is evident that you have given a great deal of thought to the analysis of this specimen, and you may be quite certain that those of us who are familiar with your prior work in the field were loathe to come to contradict your findings. However, we do feel that there are a number of physical attributes of the specimen which might have tipped you off to its modern origin:
1. The material is moulded plastic. Ancient hominid remains are typically fossilised bone.
2. The cranial capacity of the specimen is approximately 9 cubic centimetres, well below the threshold of even the earliest identified proto-hominids.
3. The dentition pattern evident on the skull is more consistent with the common domesticated dog than it is with the ravenous man-eating Pliocene clams you speculate roamed the wetlands during that time.
This latter finding is certainly one of the most intriguing hypotheses you have submitted in your history with this institution, but the evidence seems to weigh rather heavily against it. Without going into too much detail, let us say that:
1. The specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll that a dog has chewed on.
2. Clams don't have teeth.
It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we must deny your request to have the specimen carbon-dated. This is partially due to the heavy load our lab must bear in its normal operation, and partly due to carbon-datings notorious inaccuracy in fossils of recent geologic record.
To the best of our knowledge, no Barbie dolls were produced prior to 1956 AD, and carbon-dating is likely to produce wildly inaccurate results.
Sadly, we must also deny your request that we approach the National Science Foundation Phylogeny Department with the concept of assigning your specimen the scientific name Australopithecus spiff-arino. Speaking personally, I, for one, fought tenaciously for the acceptance of your proposed taxonomy, but was ultimately voted down because the species name you selected was hyphenated, and didn't really sound like it might be Latin.
However, we gladly accept your generous donation of this fascinating specimen to the museum. While it is undoubtedly not a Hominid fossil, it is, nonetheless, yet another riveting example of the great body of work you seem to accumulate here so effortlessly. You should know that our Director has reserved a special shelf in his own office for the display of the specimens you have previously submitted to the Institution, and the entire staff speculates daily on what you will happen upon next in your digs at the site you have discovered in your Newport back yard.
We eagerly anticipate your trip to our nation's capital that you proposed in your last letter, and several of us are pressing the Director to pay for it. We are particularly interested in hearing you expand on your theories surrounding the trans-positating fillifitation of ferrous ions in a structural matrix that makes the excellent juvenile Tyrannosaurus Rex femur you recently discovered take on the deceptive appearance of a rusty 9-mm Sears Craftsman automotive crescent wrench.
Yours in Science, Harvey Rowe Chief Curator-Antiquities
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