Post by 22yearslater on Dec 28, 2008 10:25:10 GMT -5
Hello to all my old friends, who I have not shared a cup of coffee with for 22 years because of the separation that occurs when one makes a decision to leave. I do not say this in bitterness, but as a matter of fact. It's 22 years since I left the "Truth" and I am now ready to connect in a positive and constructive way with ex-professing people. I have spent more time out of the "Truth" than in it, and I am finally at a point where it would be nice to re-connect.
I was around 19 when I decided to leave, mainly because I had a great desire to pursue university and find out who I truly was (not to mention that it really sucked to not be able to cut my hair and wear pants). Of course this was not looked upon favorably, especially when the very first course I signed up for at University was World Religions. I was so desperate to find out what the real history of the Truth was. In those days, there was NO published information. I remember the day one of the profs from the faculty of Religion found an article for me about the history of the professing people dating back 90 years. This information was the greatest AH-HA moment of my life. I felt relief, excitement, anger, disappointment, sadness all in one. But mostly I knew the cost of walking away. I guess for me I needed some written academic proof of what I had been suspecting and questioning (that was what always got me into trouble as a child! Oh how many of you can relate to that, eh?). I never imagined how hard it would be though.
So, for 22 years I have worked on finding myself, liking myself and feeling comfortable with others. And, to a certain extent I am still haunted by feeling judgmental eyes upon me. I realized this recently when I was attending the funeral of a professing relative and and I asked my daughter to remove her earrings before we left. Ah, some of those small rules had the longest lasting impact!!
I have learned to forgive, although this only came in the last 5 or so years, and boy has it been a wonderful feeling. I did not forgive for those who unknowingly held me hostage in this professing world, but for myself and my family. I forgave so that I would not be upset, angry or bitter. My closest family members are very well aware of my position and my religious views (which of course got totally screwed up and it was only recently that I came to think that there "might" be a higher power), and yet, we have a fabulous relationship. I have taught my children to respect differences in others and to unconditionally love their grandparents, who remain in the faith. One of the things that bothered me the most growing up and to this day is the lack of respect for other ways of life and belief systems - the judgment upon almost everyone else in the world is truly saddening. And we were all raised to be judgmental and oh how we felt it.
I am not exactly sure why I am rambling on, but it feels really good to write to others who will understand. The majority of my friends, and my wonderful husband, were not raised in the "Truth" so they cannot fully comprehend or feel what I am talking about. I have NEVER connected or communicated with an ex-professing person, partly because I needed to go on my own journey first, and party because that is the way it generally worked 22 years ago. You leave you lose and everyone pities your soul. Ah, my soul is a much kinder, gentler and accepting soul than it was 22 years ago. That is not to say that there are not many good-hearted sincere folks in the "Truth" that's just my experience.
So, hey, thanks for listening . I am hoping there are folks who grew up on the prairies who are no longer in the "Truth" or who are thinking of leaving who want to connect. I live in Manitoba presently. I am not really looking for people to "professing bash" with but to just reminisce with.
Have a wonderful holiday season.
22 years later and smiling.
I was around 19 when I decided to leave, mainly because I had a great desire to pursue university and find out who I truly was (not to mention that it really sucked to not be able to cut my hair and wear pants). Of course this was not looked upon favorably, especially when the very first course I signed up for at University was World Religions. I was so desperate to find out what the real history of the Truth was. In those days, there was NO published information. I remember the day one of the profs from the faculty of Religion found an article for me about the history of the professing people dating back 90 years. This information was the greatest AH-HA moment of my life. I felt relief, excitement, anger, disappointment, sadness all in one. But mostly I knew the cost of walking away. I guess for me I needed some written academic proof of what I had been suspecting and questioning (that was what always got me into trouble as a child! Oh how many of you can relate to that, eh?). I never imagined how hard it would be though.
So, for 22 years I have worked on finding myself, liking myself and feeling comfortable with others. And, to a certain extent I am still haunted by feeling judgmental eyes upon me. I realized this recently when I was attending the funeral of a professing relative and and I asked my daughter to remove her earrings before we left. Ah, some of those small rules had the longest lasting impact!!
I have learned to forgive, although this only came in the last 5 or so years, and boy has it been a wonderful feeling. I did not forgive for those who unknowingly held me hostage in this professing world, but for myself and my family. I forgave so that I would not be upset, angry or bitter. My closest family members are very well aware of my position and my religious views (which of course got totally screwed up and it was only recently that I came to think that there "might" be a higher power), and yet, we have a fabulous relationship. I have taught my children to respect differences in others and to unconditionally love their grandparents, who remain in the faith. One of the things that bothered me the most growing up and to this day is the lack of respect for other ways of life and belief systems - the judgment upon almost everyone else in the world is truly saddening. And we were all raised to be judgmental and oh how we felt it.
I am not exactly sure why I am rambling on, but it feels really good to write to others who will understand. The majority of my friends, and my wonderful husband, were not raised in the "Truth" so they cannot fully comprehend or feel what I am talking about. I have NEVER connected or communicated with an ex-professing person, partly because I needed to go on my own journey first, and party because that is the way it generally worked 22 years ago. You leave you lose and everyone pities your soul. Ah, my soul is a much kinder, gentler and accepting soul than it was 22 years ago. That is not to say that there are not many good-hearted sincere folks in the "Truth" that's just my experience.
So, hey, thanks for listening . I am hoping there are folks who grew up on the prairies who are no longer in the "Truth" or who are thinking of leaving who want to connect. I live in Manitoba presently. I am not really looking for people to "professing bash" with but to just reminisce with.
Have a wonderful holiday season.
22 years later and smiling.